The Queen's Rambles

Yesterday I noticed a weird smell in the house, but it wasn’t totally pervasive and Mike couldn’t smell anything (he has a bad cold) so I gave up on finding it and just figured it would go away.

This morning the smell was worse than ever. It was like burning paint–fire and chemicals mixed together. Just the sort of smell you want in your house. Or not.

I was ready to call 911, but then we went into the basement and finally figured out it was coming from the laundry room. We have a super old fridge down there, plus a semi-old washer and a brand new dryer. It seemed like the smell was coming from the fridge, so we unplugged it and started airing out the house.

That didn’t help one iota. I still wanted to call 911.

Next, we unplugged the washer.

No change. I still wanted to call 911.

So now we have the brand new dryer unplugged and Mike thinks the smell is finally starting to dissipate. I’m not so sure and I still want to call 911. I don’t want to sleep in a house that smells like burning chemicals. I don’t want my little family to be a story on the nightly news.

We have lots of smoke alarms and a carbon monoxide detector all in working order. We’ve cracked a couple of windows for the night, so maybe we will get some fresh oxygen. I am going to be too scared to sleep.

Could it really be the brand new dryer? I don’t understand what is happening and I don’t know who to call to fix the problem.

In other strange news. . .

As we were loading up the van for our weekly lunch outing, a neighbor lady came up to me and told me she was from social services. If there’s ever a sentence a parent doesn’t want to hear coming out of some random lady’s mouth, “I’m from social services” tops the list. I was doing a run down in my mind of all the horrible and abusive things I do to my children–let Erik go out in the cold in his crocs! Yell too loudly! Get really angry and make a very mean face!

It turns out she wasn’t really from social services. I guess she used to be a social worker and thought saying she was from social services would be a good introduction? I don’t know. She said her church did a toy drive for Christmas and she had a ton of left over toys, so she was giving them to all the children in the neighborhood. She wanted to give Erik and Elsa something. It was all very strange, but I let her pick something for the kids. Erik got a little car set and Elsa got a very cheap talking baby doll that came with a couple of bottles and other stuff. I’m sure the people who donated the toys would be thrilled to know their stuff went to kids who are already pretty spoiled. I was going to turn around and re-donate them, but the kids saw them and that option was quickly eliminated.

All the money I spent on Elsa’s Christmas, and guess what she’s obsessed with? The ten buck Wal-Mart doll. She sticks the bottle in the mouth and calls it water. She’s obsessed. She also likes to take its clothes on and off.

Usually we put Elsa in a two piece pajama set, but tonight we were out [unplugged washer and dryer on my laundry day] so had to put her in a one piece set. Her baby doll has the same type of pajama set.

She kept screaming “No! Me not baby! Not mine! Not baby! I don’t wear baby shirt!” and having a conniption over these jammies. She even managed to get to the zipper and get them half off before Mike laid down the law. It is still so shocking to me to hear her speak so clearly and in such complete sentences when she’s only 20 months old. Erik didn’t really start talking till his 2nd birthday, so I’m not used to being able to communicate that well with a toddler. It sure does make it a lot easier to deal with a toddler who can adequately convey her wants and needs. She still does her fair share of screaming, but it is nothing like how Erik was at this age. It must be very, very frustrating to be non-verbal but KNOW in your brain exactly what you want.

Speaking of Erik, I ordered a book about six year olds yesterday. I really need some insight into his psyche. One moment he’s completely clingy, which isn’t fun with a giant 50 pound child who is made of sharp bones. The next moment he is sulky. And some moments he is completely happy, silly and fun. It’s those clingy and sulky moments that I need help understanding.

I’m sure most of you have heard of the very outdated Bates-Ames child development books. Though they were written in the 70s, I find the developmental information to be spot on. Their solutions are ridiculous and their assumptions about family life are laughable, but they know their basic kid psychology. I find it extremely helpful to my own mental health to read that Erik is perfectly normal. He’s not acting crazy because he wants to make me blow a gasket. He’s just being [insert age here].

They took the series out of our library awhile ago. I never read the 5 year old book, but maybe the very title indicates why I didn’t feel the need to pursue it: Your Five-Year-Old: Sunny and Serene. I do agree that five was a good year for us. The title of the six book seems spot on so far: Loving and Defiant.

We had Campfire today and I was ready to tear my hair out. Erik would not participate or pay attention. He wanted to sit behind me and kick at my back, while hiding from the other kids during the lesson (totally not like him). I hope that book is shipped quickly! It’s not like any of the kids were strangers, either. His best friends are in the group.

Ok, time for me to go downstairs and see if the laundry room smells any better. I feel like we are total fools to sleep in a house with this sort of problem. Hope you hear from me soon!

I guess I shouldn’t leave you hanging. I’ll go down, sniff, and let you know what I think before I go to bed.

Conclusion: It must have been the dryer. It is still a little smelly, but nothing like it was this morning. I feel much better about sleeping in the house now. Thank goodness!

I don’t know how long it will last, but I decided to turn over a new leaf today. I decided to make more of an effort to keep the house in order. I had a great excuse for letting things go when Elsa was younger, but at this point she can play independently so I just need to suck it up and work on my house keeping skills.

She still has a runny nose, so I couldn’t go to the gym today. I was going to go to Costco since it is always an ordeal and I rarely have enough free time to make the trip. I didn’t really need to stock up on anything, but I hated to let the opportunity slip by. Then I realized the key to my “buy nothing new month”: DON’T GO SHOPPING. Doh! Big money saving tip up for grabs. I could write the next “Simple Saving Tips” book and be rich. Rich, I tell you!

Instead, I scrubbed out the toilets and did a bunch of laundry. Elsa got into my make-up and spread it all over the master bathroom, so that added some fun to the clean up. Hmmmmm. Maybe she’s not quite ready to let me become a housekeeper extraordinaire.

Later she grabbed the very wet toilet brush and started dragging it around. I shouted “ELSA, NO!” and she immediately dropped it and ran away.

I need to remember that she is way more sensitive than Erik.

She completely disappeared, but I eventually found her in her closet, crying softly. My heart was breaking for my poor, sweet girl. I have been looking up parenting classes tonight. I need to learn to stop yelling.

New topic!

I spent some time with my young Pakistani neighbor this afternoon. My lord, that woman’s life is a hot mess. She’s not sure how old he husband is, but knows he’s in his late 40s. She’s in her early 20s. I was surprised a man would go that long without marrying, so I asked her if she was his first wife. Cue the drama.

Apparently she kept asking him if he had a wife in America and he kept saying “no, no of course not. No wife in America.” They went to the embassy to finish the paperwork for her visa and it was denied because he had a wife in America!

He claims it was a paper marriage and that my neighbor is the first woman he’s had sexual relations with, but she doesn’t believe it because what 40 year old man can be pure? Apparently he was married to a really old (she said 60 or 70) Chinese woman for six years.

He obviously divorced this woman, but it took awhile for the paperwork to go through. In the meantime his new wife was pregnant and gave birth to her first daughter in Pakistan while her pseudo-husband was in the US. He would just visit her once in a while. I’m really surprised her parents allowed this. You’d think they’d be outraged he had lied, but I guess it would be worse for her to be a single pregnant woman? I don’t know.

These days the old wife (officially divorced) comes to visit them on occasion and wants their children. She also demands that the man take her to a fertility clinic and give her his sperm so they can have a baby together. I guess they’ll have to go to Italy for that to happen! No American fertility clinic is going to work with an old woman.

My head was spinning.

To finish off the story, my neighbor tried to make some friendly conversation. . . “So, how many women has your husband slept with?”

I think my jaw about hit the floor. I told her that was Mike’s private business and that I had to get home to cook dinner. That is just not a topic I’m going to touch with a ten foot pole, esp with someone I barely know.

In better news!

I have been super productive on the MOMS Club front. I hate hate hate hate hate asking things of people, but we need guest speakers for our meetings and as president I kinda need to supply them. That’s the one part of the job that I hate the most. Today, however, I got a bug up my butt and decided it wasn’t hard to send an e-mail and to just get over myself and do it. The worst thing that could happen would be receiving a “no.” Honestly, the only “no” we’ve gotten is from the local coupon fraud queen. She would only do it for money. She doesn’t seem to understand the value of publicity and public goodwill. Obviously I didn’t know she was using fraudulent practices when one of our members contacted her about speaking to us. The funniest thing is that this member only knew her because she spoke to her Christian moms group. Guess they didn’t know she was a complete fraud either.

I’ve already heard back from both places I e-mailed and they are really excited to come speak to us! I guess I need to get over my childhood nonsense of being worthless and a bother and that no one would ever do anything for free.

In May we are going to have someone from a private swim school come and talk about water safety. In March we are going to have a presentation from the area poison control center. Both sound really fancy-schmancy for our little club.

Mike suggested I e-mail Michelle Obama and see if she’ll come speak about her healthy kids stuff since I”m on such a positive roll. I have a sneaking suspicion she might be a lot harder to book, even if we are within her geographic area.

I’m done with my presidency in June, so I think I really only need to find one more speaker to feel like my duties have been carried out sufficiently. I am so happy that someone else is eager to take on the prez role. I said I’d do the membership VP role. I enjoy recruiting new members and making sure they are comfortable in our group, so it’s the perfect job for me.

Guess I better get to bed. I have a feeling it is going to be a long day tomorrow. Mike scared the heck out of me by coming home early today (5:30, so not super early) because he is sick. Erik has bright red cheeks and feverish looking eyes, though he doesn’t feel hot. I don’t know if either of them will be leaving the house tomorrow.

Today was the day I was dreading–we were back to reality. Mike took last week off and Erik had Christmas break, so it was pretty jarring to have everyone get up early and head off into the world. I literally had to drag Erik out of bed by his heels. It was not pleasant. I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to manhandle him into doing what needs to be done. I don’t know what I would have done if I was a petite woman.

Mike was super stressed and worried that he wouldn’t sleep, so I kindly gave him my very last sleeping pill. He’s so weird, though, that it did no good. For some reason most medications seem to have the exact opposite effect on him, so he was up till 4 am. I almost think it is a reverse placebo effect because he hates pills so much.

Without my pill (it is not really medication, it is melatonin and chamomile) I couldn’t get to sleep and when I finally did get to sleep I had crazy ass dreams that left me exhausted. My dreams taught me a valuable lesson: when you accidentally end up in an alternate reality, the best way to kill German vampires is to dress in a Storm Trooper uniform and do a Zumba routine. It’s very effective if your uniform includes a sharp machete. It was very vivid.

I really wanted to go back to the gym today, but Elsa is getting over a cold. They have a very strict two wipe policy in the childcare room, so I knew I couldn’t take her. The second time they have to wipe a child’s nose, the parent is called and the child has to leave.

Instead I went to Target to get Erik’s favorite meatballs. I am doing a “buy nothing new” month, but not very successfully. I spotted this thing called a “skin care tool” that was basically a metal thing with a loop at each end. You use the loops to ease out black and white heads without damaging your skin.

If you know me at all, you know that thing was MINE. I could not resist the temptation. Popping zits is the grossest thing ever, but I just can’t stop. And now I have a fancy tool! I gave it a test run and it worked really well. Whoo-hoo! Forget about New Year’s resolutions when there is zit popping involved!

Elsa’s schedule has been really off, so she didn’t get a nap today. It made for a nightmare afternoon, which was enhanced with Erik’s cries about how much he hates school and is never going back. I’m going to miss these days someday, but it’s hard to imagine that when I’m in the thick of it.

My life suddenly improved about 1000x yesterday. I did some Googling and found a way to find my product key for my Publisher disk! I now have Publisher installed on my laptop, which means I can get my monthly newsletter done on my time. You have no idea how wonderful this is. With my bad back, I can barely stand to sit at the desktop computer. The chair immediately sends shooting pains up my back. Plus, every time I go over there, the kids start acting crazy and want to be on top of me. It has made this newsletter the bane of my existence. Now! Now I can do it in my comfy chair! The kids are used to me messing with the laptop so don’t seem to have the same urge to be on top of me when I’m using it.

Of course, I still need to send my laptop in to get a new keyboard. I’m missing the efdr and u keys thanks to Elsa’s exploration. It’s usable, but just barely.

Ah well, guess I better stop ruminating and go to bed. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be almost as challenging as today. When I was a teacher we had a saying “One day off, one off day; one week off; one off week.” I thought it was bad as a teacher–it’s way worse as a parent. Yikes!

I’m glad to ring in 2012! It feels like a fresh start. The second half of 2011 was pretty good, so I’m hoping we’ll continue in an upward trend and life will keep improving. I remember 2009 as one of the worst years ever (except for getting pregnant) and 2010 wasn’t much better. Mainly it was health issues–first mine, then Elsa’s–so hopefully all that is behind us. Amazing how a bout of pneumonia can knock you on your ass for ages.

I think I had some goals for 2011, but I’m not sure what they were. I know I was not supposed to buy anything new in January (success) and I was supposed to work on our yearly photo book at the end of each month (major, major fail).

I’m doing the buy nothing new thing again this January, but I already failed yesterday by buying a book for my Kindle. I totally wasn’t thinking. We’ll have a re-boot today. Nothing new! But food and consumables, of course. I’m not going to wash out ziplock bags and run my foil through the dishwasher.

I also had an idea that I think will significantly improve my happiness levels: committing to a monthly date with my husband. We always say we are going to go on a date, but it never happens. We didn’t have a sitter and finding one was a daunting prospect. It’s not like when I was a babysitter. Who on earth would just leave their precious child with some random teenager they don’t even know? The mind boggles.

I found a responsible adult sitter, so we have no excuse. For $15/hour we’ll be planning pretty low-cost dates, that’s for sure! But even a walk around a lake finished with an ice cream cone will be well worth the alone time.

I’d also like to make a goal to get rid of the bags under my eyes.

Two problems:
Elsa is not a great sleeper. She’s not a terrible sleeper. She’ll wake up, nurse and go back to sleep. We don’t have to get up and play in middle of the night. But she wakes up. I want to get her weaned and in her own bed sooner rather than later, but that’s hard to do when I refuse to let her cry it out. I’m my own worst enemy, but I seriously can not stand the sound of my children crying. I guess it’s primal? I don’t know, but crying it out just doesn’t work for me.

I am allergic to everything, thus I can’t find any sort of wrinkle/eye cream that doesn’t leave me looking and feeling even worse.

I want to go to a cosmetic dermatologist, but I don’t even know what to ask for. And I’m sure our budget doesn’t really pander to my vanity.

I hate knowing that I’m just going to get uglier and uglier every year, until I finally die.

Aren’t I damn cheerful?

Happy 2012! Ha!

*I’ve been eating oatmeal for breakfast this past week. Those who say a bowl of oatmeal a day will increase a nursing mother’s milk supply aren’t lying. Holy cow! Or should I say “holy big boobies!” I certainly don’t need an increase in milk supply or gigantic boobies. I think I need to find a new breakfast. Yikes!

Elsa loves oatmeal, so it’s just easier to cook us both the same thing. She generally prefers to eat the food that Mike and I eat. I wish Erik would get with the program (and no, I’m not going to force the issue. I decided years ago that I won’t fight about food and I won’t deal with a cranky kid who wouldn’t be cranky if I’d just give him food he will eat).

*I found Elsa in the bathroom with her pants and diaper down, standing in front of the toilet with her stomach pressed forward. She looked exactly like Erik looks when he’s peeing, minus the penis. I sat her on the potty and she peed in the potty! Happy dance time! I let her wander around without a diaper for awhile and she wet her pants, so it is not an instant thing. I’m excited. I guess she’ll be like Erik–potty trained before she’s weaned.

*My mom told me that she’s coming into a bit of money and wants to pay for Erik and Elsa’s tickets to Oregon this summer. I took a deep breath and informed her that I wouldn’t be going back to Oregon again. I told her a few of the things my sister did the last time we were there (making fun of Erik’s clothes to his face, coming over and banging down the door at 6 in the morning to get her make-up, taking all the items from the clearly marked travel kit I had left hidden in a cupboard) and told her that I could not and would not subject myself to my sister’s complete lack of respect for me, my family, and everyone else. My mom didn’t deny it, but she did say “well, you know that’s just how she is.” Yeah, I do know. And that’s why I’m not going back. I think she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I feel bad that the kids are collateral damage, but that’s on my sister not me. Mike and I are really excited about a summer trip that is just for our little family.

Yesterday I got a call from a Mary Kay consultant. My sister had given her my number. I very politely told the lady that MK is a complete scam and suggested she google “mary kay scam” and then return all her stock. I don’t think she appreciated my advice.

Then I called my sister and calmly told her to never, never, never give out my phone number again. She just laughed.

I told my mom about it tonight and she said she was sitting right next to my sister when it happened and told her not to do it. Ugh. No respect. I hope my mom isn’t too hurt, but I would be a fool to go back and subject myself and my family to her behavior.

*Do they make snuggies for your feet? I guess those would be slippers. My feetsies are cold.

Erik got me a snuggie for Christmas, which I find pretty hilarious. I took him to Five Below and let him pick out gifts for everyone he was very thoughtful and did a decent job. He bought gloves for Mike and a lunch box for Elsa. Elsa is obsessed with carrying around his lunch box, so it was a good choice.

*Poor Elsa has a cold. It doesn’t seem that bad when she’s awake, but as soon as she goes to sleep she starts coughing. I have a feeling we are in for a long night.

So Christmas happened. Whew! Kids had fun. Elsa got a little car we can push her around in, so she's happy. I'm not so happy when Erik has the controls–"Hey mom, look at this!" he shouts as he has the thing popping the biggest wheelie ever with Elsa almost hanging upside down. At least she's going to be a tough one since she has an older brother.

Erik got everything he wanted from Santa–the second LEGO Harry Potter Wii game and a pair of camo sweatpants. Mike got Mario Galaxy in his stocking and Erik loves it way more than the HP game. I think we would all like the HP games better if they weren't so danged dark. You can't see what you are doing, which significantly cuts down on the fun. Don't those silly wizards know how to make a magical lamp? Or tap into muggle electricity?

Christmas Day ended up being pretty nice. We spent most of it at home, watching the kids play with their new toys. We didn't go over to our friends' place until late afternoon. We hadn't seen them since Halloween, so the kids were really excited to be reunited and I don't think the boys fought at all. Every year we play a crazy little gift exchange game that involves a timer, dice, and a whole pile of dollar store trinkets. Erik's favorite thing from the game: a purple compact with a pop out brush. I explained that people carry a compact so they can look in the mirror and make sure they look good. He's been explaining that to everyone he meets and showing off his very snazzy purple teddy bear compact. It's hilarious. I should take a video to show him when he's 15.

I shouldn't be surprised that he loves it. He loves looking at himself in the mirror. The day I observed his kindergarten class I noticed that his chair was perfectly lined up with the only mirror in the room. He was spending more time staring at himself than listening to the teacher.

Mike and I have a big plan for this year: save money and replace most of the furniture in our house. This is Mike's way of getting my spending under control since we don't get to buy new things until we hit a certain savings level. We started saving in October, so are ready for our first purchase. We've spent the last two days at furniture shops, sitting on hundreds of uncomfortable couches. Things were either super cheap quality that would last five minutes from stores with terrible reviews or way, way out of our budget.

Ethan Allen cracked me up. They had some nice stuff, but were clearly out of our league. They had serious smelly candles burning somewhere, trying to influence our mood. The saleslady was very kind to Erik and let him do some furniture design. I LOVED the idea of having complete design control over the furniture, but did not love the prices. Erik loved designing, period.

I spent hours scouring the internet for furniture store reviews. The problem in this area: stores take your order, promise delivery in 4-6 weeks, take all your money and you never hear from them again. This happened to us when we first moved to the area. I used to be fairly meek and mild, so surprised Mike and myself when I went into Marlo and had the biggest shit-fit in the history of adult temper tantrums right in front of their customer service counter. We did get our full money back. It seems like some of these stores don't even give you your full money back when you go in months later and demand satisfaction. They keep 25% as a restocking fee, even though there is nothing to restock. What a complete scam. I wouldn't believe this was even possible if it hadn't happened to us.

I finally found a store that had all good reviews and was in our budget! Hallelujah! It is a small, family owned store off the beaten path. They have lower overhead because they don't have a huge showroom. You sample different styles, then pick what you want from catalogs. We finally found couches that were comfortable to sit in! And didn't totally break the bank! Woo-hoo! We ordered a couch and a chair that should be delivered in 4-6 weeks. We only put down a 25% deposit and they seemed really committed to making us happy. I am so thrilled to have found a furniture store that was more to my liking. I don't need all the glitzy frills. I need good quality, good customer service and a decent price. I hope everything is delivered as promised and I don't have to eat my words.

I just felt bad that we took Erik with us. He was obsessed with the idea of designing, so the saleslady gave him this magnetic board with all kinds of furniture to re-arrange. Then she gave him some paper and a marker, so he drew a whole catalog. She taught him how to name his furniture and how to set a price. He was over the top excited and driving me completely crazy. I don't know if that means he was driving her even more crazy because she's not related to him and doesn't have to love him, or if she was finding him amusing because she's not related to him and doesn't have to deal with him on a daily basis. He's a really good kid, but very intense.

I had my little Leftover Holiday Cheer party on Tuesday. It was a major fail. Almost everyone RSVPed yes or maybe, but then everyone got sick or didn't get back to town, so I ended up with two guests–my new Pakistani neighbor and Mike's British buddy. Mike thanked me for throwing a soccer party for them. My Pakistani neighbor was embarrassed for me. It didn't turn out as planned, but I'd honestly prefer that people keep their germs to themselves. I didn't realize so many people were traveling for Christmas since that is never on my agenda. Next year I'll know better than to plan a party that close to Christmas. I was pretty proud of my table setting, so I'll have to post a picture. I put all the Christmas candy in a Christmassy box, but it looked silly so I turned it over and had the candy spilling out. I thought it looked cool, but Erik was mortified that it looked so sloppy. He's also mortified if anyone ever sees his belly button, but likes to be pantsless so his opinion is less than meaningful.

And now for a little country music humor. I love country music, but I am often less than impressed with the lyrics.

Here are some really dumb lyrics from a song called "Bait a Hook." The narrator's girlfriend broke up with him and is now dating a "sissy." I'll take the "sissy" any day of the week. Here's a sample, with my analysis.

I think the hick guy has a lot to learn about what women really want. Alcoholics who are gone every weekend and refuse to be responsible for their belongings are not really high on anyone’s list.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! May all your wheels be screwed on tightly, your games non-scratched, your dollies well dressed and your children better behaved than mine! I’m exhausted after Santa duties tonight!

Every time I look at this picture I wish I would have sent it out as our card. It cracks me up.

I can’t believe Erik has a full day of school today. For some reason I thought it was early release, but nope. Just carry on, children!

I shouldn’t be irked by this school schedule, but I am. Whoever heard of school going clear up to Christmas Eve? What if we were planning on traveling. I hate pulling a kid out of school because it sends the wrong message, but if they are going to have school right up till the big day what are people supposed to do? If we were traveling it would be by air. No way would I spend Christmas Eve at the airports.

It also feels like we’ve had zero time to do any Christmassy stuff leading up to the big day. We’ve done a couple of things, but it has felt rushed. Bah humbug! I am hosting a post-Christmas party on Tuesday, so on Monday I plan on doing some of the baking that I’ve been missing.

Last night I showed Erik his Portable North Pole movie (I’m sure you’ve all seen that site before). He was so over the top happy. He was literally jumping up and down with joy the whole time. Then as soon as it was over he said it was a fake and Santa doesn’t exist. Awwww. I don’t care, but it is just more fun when the kids believe. I tried explaining about Santa living in our hearts when we do good things and he said there was no room for a person to live in a heart, and besides how would he breathe? He’s my logical little man, that’s for sure.

Thank you for all the comments about Elsa and her shyness. I was also a very, very shy child. It was not handled well (what about my childhood was handled well?) so I was pretty miserable as a child. I don’t want that for her. Of course her childhood will be nothing like mine, so it should be ok.

I read something interesting the other day, but I have no idea how true it is. Someone on a message forum said that children of alcoholics can’t tell when people are drunk or when they are lying. I know that is 100% true for me. You would have to be falling down drunk for me to realize you are lying. I can often tell if people are lying in a written medium, but I have no idea how to tell if someone is lying straight to my face. I never connected that to being an adult CoA. I should really read a book about it one of those days. In all my free time, you know?

So when you do up a little girl’s hair in pigtails, how to you keep it looking nice? A little spritz of hairspray? She rolls around on the floor so much that the back of her head turns into a rat’s nest.

Ok, can’t think of anything else. I gotta go do something productive for a change.

I can’t believe I only have a few days until Christmas. I feel so unprepared this year. Last week I was down for the count with the stomach flu, so nothing got done. It took me down hard, but in the end I decided it was food poisoning. No one else got it, so it had to be, right? Ha! Elsa got hit hard with it last night, so I’ve got nothing done today. Hard to make time to wrap gifts when you are changing and bathing a baby every 20 minutes. Her poor little butt is so raw and there’s not much I can do other than what I’m doing.

Mike’s company doesn’t seem to realize the holidays are a hectic time so he’s working 11 and 12 hour days. When am I going to get gifts wrapped? Groceries bought? STUFF DONE????? I hate the people who decided 40 hour work weeks are no longer good enough.

Erik really, really, really, really, really wanted to make his teacher a treat for Christmas, so that was just another thing on my to do list. I usually let him pick out a very small gift, then give a nice gift card. I used to be a teacher. I know a gift card is way more appreciated than a handmade thing that you’ve got millions of because you’ve been in the business for years. Even though you might love your students, you just don’t have space for all their handiwork.

I saw a super easy recipe on pinterest or facebook or somewhere, so I actually let Erik make a treat. He was thrilled, so it was worth it. Plus it was super easy and fairly low cost. It if gets thrown straight in the trash I won’t feel like everything was totally wasted since Erik has gained a feeling of pride in doing a job by himself and he is learning to enjoy giving. Even if the treats are thrown in the trash, he’s gained something from it. And really? Are you going to eat a treat that some grubby looking six year old hands you? Gag. Any treat I ever received went straight into the circular file.

Easy recipe:

Take a bunch of tiny twist pretzels (or the square little pretzels if you can find them. I think they would be better) and put them on a cookie sheet. Unwrap a bunch of Hershey’s Kisses and then stick a kiss on each pretzel.

Pop into a 200 degree oven for 5 minutes.

When they come out, press an M&M onto the top of the Kiss.

Stick in the freezer until the chocolate hardens.

These actually taste really good, too. We used tiny twist pretzels, but as I said above, I think the square pretzels would be better because there would be a bigger pretzel::chocolate ratio.

The beauty of this: a child can actually do this whole thing almost completely by himself and there is very minimal clean-up if you have them put the wrappers in a little bowl as they go.

The downside: naughty little sisters. Elsa got a couple of Kisses and made the biggest mess ever. She didn’t eat them. She sucked on them, got them nice and melty, then smeared chocolate all over my house. The walls looked like they had been spread with feces. It was a surprisingly easy clean-up, but just one last thing I needed.

Also, she found my laptop and pulled the keyboard apart. GRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Aren’t toddlers fun? It’s under warranty so it’s not really a problem, except that I’ll have to be without a laptop for a few days. Woe is me and my first world problems, I know.

I have been such a crummy wife lately that I was going to make a super, extra effort to make sure Mike came home to a fairly clean house and a nice dinner on the table. I really lucked out in the husband department and I know he prefers a clean house even though he never says anything. Heck, I prefer a clean house and I’m the slob in this relationship. Every day I intend to do better and every day I am tired and beaten down by the time he gets home.

All my wonderful plans fell by the wayside because I was too busy cleaning up stomach flu diapers and chocolate smears. I’ll miss this when she’s a sulky teenager, won’t I?

Despite my wrecked laptop, Elsa really is a joy. She’s very shy and doesn’t like to be in trouble so I can take her anywhere. In the past few days she’s gone to the post office twice, to a crowded bakery, Target, Micheals and the grocery store. If she is allowed to roam free she just hangs on my leg. She doesn’t run all over the store. She doesn’t scream and cry. She doesn’t run up to strangers and harass them. She’s just so easy! After surviving Erik’s toddler years, I can hardly believe that she’s for real.

If she would have been my first I would have had a second baby a whole lot sooner. Just looking at her almost makes me want another baby now, and I in no way, shape or form want or need a third child. I feel really bad for the parents who have an easy going first born then have a second child with Erik’s temperament. It must be quite the shock to go from Pollyanna to Godzilla on crack.*

I do worry about her though. Lately when she meets someone new she totally freezes and looks down. It breaks my heart to see her looking so shy and afraid. When I tell her “no” if there is even a hint of aggression in my voice she looks down and looks so very ashamed. I hate seeing her like that. I want her to grow up to be a strong, confident woman. I need to get a book and figure out how to best mother her. The tactics I use with Erik are not going to work with her. That boy doesn’t have a sensitive bone in his body, so I’ve gotten in the habit of being really forceful and sometimes downright mean. I need to learn to tread carefully, which will not be easy after years of fighting with an overly confident, assertive son.

Change of subject:

Anyone need a NetFlix instant streaming recommendation? I notice they just added Terriers to instant streaming. Sadly, it was cancelled after the first season, but it is well worth the watch. All the major plot lines are completely tied up, so you won’t be too angry when it is over. It reminds me a lot of Veronica Mars, if Veronica Mars was an ex-alcoholic middle aged man.

Now that most of the shows I watch are going into re-runs, I’m back to Netflixing. Anyone have some reccs for me? I am almost done with Reaper, which I thoroughly enjoyed even if it is total fluff. I’m also watching and loving FlashPoint, but I can only take one episode at a time. I need another fun series to watch, or even some fun movies. I know nothing about movies. Anything that came out after 2005 is a complete mystery to me.

Same with books, but I don’t have much time to read. I just started a series that I think I’m really going to enjoy. I think it is called the Twenty Palaces series (I love my Kindle, but the one downside is that I’m not constantly seeing the cover of the book I’m reading). My favorite genre of book (epic fantasy) seems to have disappeared entirely, replaced by urban fantasy. Not that urban fantasy is bad, but it just isn’t the same. I love lush new worlds. It seems like all urban fantasy is set in rainy Washington state. Or at least the couple I’ve read. I don’t have a big sample that I’m talking about.

*Thank you, Marie, for that apt description

As a SAHM, I didn’t realize what a luxury it was to be able to go to the mall in middle of a weekday and take care of Santa pictures. With Erik in school full time, we had to join the rest of the world for a weekend Santa visit.

I have a friend with autistic twins. She posted her game plan for her Santa visit (show up a half hour before the line opens to be very near the front) and it sounded good. We did exactly what she did and it would have been a major success if the Santa people would have been prepared. Their camera wasn’t working, so we ended up standing in line for over an hour. How do you have a business that depends on a camera and then not have the camera work?

I had already bought my picture package via Groupon a couple months ago, so there was no way I was leaving if my kids weren’t crying. Thankfully my kids were quite happy. Mike looked like the one most likely to break down.

I wanted the kids to look half-way decent in the picture, so I had Erik in his Christmas sweater. I knew it had a little wool in it and might become itchy, but I wasn’t planning on such a long wait. While in the line I noticed he was lifting his shirt up and licking his shoulders, arms and other parts that he could reach. Children are so. . . . gross. Licking. Really?

I told him to stop, but he said he was itchy. I am allergic to wool, so he had my full sympathies. I would have been throwing a full on major fit if I was wearing a wool sweater for more than sixty seconds. I left Mike with the kids and ran into a store to buy him a t-shirt. We did a quick change in middle of the mall and avoided a meltdown. One of the ladies in the line thought I was spoiling him. I guess so, but so? I am not going to allow my child to be in pain if I can help it. And it kept him happy. Why do I want a miserable child when we are in a potentially miserable situation?

We were next to a lady with a 12 year old and 5 year old, so Erik had fun playing little guessing games with those kids. The 12 year old was great at keeping them entertained, which I appreciated greatly. We were in the worst possible spot in line–this tent thing that was getting really, really hot. Apparently someone passed out from the heat the day before, so they kept telling us to make sure to drink plenty of water. Visiting Santa was starting to sound dangerous!

No one fainted and neither of my kids cried. Elsa was perfectly content with rolling around on the floor and looking behind the curtains. Erik was perfectly content blabbing away to the neighbors in line.

Our luck almost changed when it was finally time to see Santa. I was holding Elsa and tried to put her on his lap, but she did the full body stiffening and made it quite clear that there was no way in mother truckin’ hell she was going anywhere near the man in red without her mama.

That’s why I’m in the picture. Ugh.

All that hassle for a crappy picture. But I love it just the same because it is a picture of my babies and it is all about holiday memories. I like pictures with a little character anyway. Plus, I got to hear Erik’s Santa list and am happy that it is what I thought it would be. He is really struggling with Santa belief this year. I refuse to confirm or deny. I don’t want to lie to the kid, but I love Santa and don’t want to kill the magic for him either. Let him be confused. It’s more fun that way.

I’ve been trying to do Elsa’s hair in ponytails when she’ll let me. My neighbor just now started doing her 5 year old’s hair in ponytails. She says last week was the first time she’d ever made a ponytail. I don’t want to smack talk a little kid’s hairstyle because there are so many more important things in life, but let’s just say that it made me redouble my efforts to practice doing little girl hair. I know it looks like crap right now, but hopefully I will be adept at making cute kid hair by the time she enters school. Yes, I care way too much about appearances. I have worked in the schools too long. Kids with sloppy hair are often the victims of bullying. Of course, that sloppy hair usually stems from a lot of other issues, so it is not really the sloppy hair that causes the bullying.

Enough of that.

Let’s talk fun!

I am feeling so free now that we’ve decided we are going to have a summer vacation that pleases absolutely no one but ourselves. Mike wants to do a road trip and I agree. Neither of us know much about the east coast, but there is so much to see and do if we just get out and explore. We’re currently thinking about heading up to Boston. We’d take a couple of days to get there and a couple of days to get home. Could be a lot of fun, I think! If any of you live on the route from DC to Boston, give us a shout. We’d love to meet-up with some friends along the way. Or give us advice about places that are worth a visit. The last time we planned a road trip we got a ton of welcome advice from you guys and it made our trip so much better. We loved exploring Virgina, a place we knew almost nothing about. My only regret is that we stayed in the same hotel the whole time. It was a great hotel and served our needs well, but it would have been even better if we would have done a small bit of driving every day and explored different places along the way. We could have made a big circle, but we didn’t realize that until later. Live and learn, right? I always forget we are on itty-bitty east coast geography instead of huge Oregon mountain geography. It’s about time we start taking advantage of it.