I am such a cold stone bitch. I feel like an automaton or something. I should strive to make Mike’s weekends fun and entertaining, but all I do is sit around and mope and say I’m not human. Maybe I need a therapist.<\/p>\n
Having kids is hard. I love them. I love them so so so so so so much and never regret having them. But it is still hard. Where did I go? Most of the time I don’t mind wiping butts, wiping faces, getting everyone ready, nagging Erik until I’m blue in the face, keeping track, feeding, on and on and on. But it does get wearing when I feel like that’s all<\/i> I do and I’m not even a person any more, just a robot child raiser with no hopes, desires, or worth outside all of that.<\/p>\n
I guess I just want to be noticed or appreciated as a human instead of as a mother.<\/p>\n
Do you know how damn hard I worked to get Erik to be a goat in his stupid preschool play? I put in EFFORT. That sounds so silly. That all this time and energy went into something so meaningless. He did a great job (http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=ptz477xdFyU if you need proof) and you’d never know he was reluctant. I don’t regret the energy I spent on it. It just feels so futile that I spend SO MUCH time worrying about him saying a few lines in a play when there are so many other things going on in the world.<\/p>\n
I guess it is the little things that make a life, not the big things. Right?<\/p>\n
And you know how I said I was being a calm and loving mother? Ha! That worked until we were at the park today and he wrapped his arms around the tree and told me he wasn’t leaving. I had already done my standard warning, talking, yadda yadda yadda. I was just done. DONE with this attitude. Done with hearing a child tell me a defiant no. D-O-N-E.<\/p>\n
I grabbed his arm and drug him down the sidewalk, him screaming the whole way. When he dug in his heels and wouldn’t budge I picked him up and carried him. Mike had already taken Elsa to the van because it was cold outside. <\/p>\n
I felt like a shitty mother, but I also felt like it needed to be done. He needed to know that he doesn’t get to just say “no” and have everything be all hunky dory. But I needed to calm down. Ugh. How do you balance having a polite kid and having a happy, carefree kid who enjoys his childhood? I don’t know. I think I need therapy. Who has time for therapy?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am such a cold stone bitch. I feel like an automaton or something. I should strive to make Mike’s weekends fun and entertaining, but all I do is sit around and mope and say I’m not human. Maybe I need a therapist. Having kids is hard. I love them. I love them so so […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-430","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/430","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=430"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/430\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":431,"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/430\/revisions\/431"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=430"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=430"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=430"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}