I am deeply, deeply unhappy with my weight right now. I know it is a boring topic. I should just take care of it. I know that. But here I am, talking about it again. We’re back to self-loathing. I can’t stand looking at pictures of myself. I hate that I am starting to get out of breath when I have to walk too far. I hate this.<\/p>\n
My weight has been a struggle forever. I always thought “one day I’ll be thin and beautiful.” That day never came, and at 38 I realize that day is never coming. It’s all downhill from here and I need to get my ass in gear, stat!<\/p>\n
It was so easy to lose weight when Erik was a toddler. The kid never slept. The kid never sat still. He RAN everywhere. I would take him to the park for hours at a time and would literally chase him for three hours straight. I had to, or I would lose him. Plus, I would go to the gym for an hour and a half every day for the low-cost babysitting. <\/p>\n
I had no idea how good I had it.<\/p>\n
Going to the gym with Elsa has been almost impossible. I couldn’t leave her there for the first 15 months because she would have such a horrible melt-down. Then she was sick every other week. I was sick every other week. We were never sick at the same time.<\/p>\n
I take her to the park, but she doesn’t run. I don’t have to chase her. She’s such an easy, easy toddler. Yes, she’s very two and has her moments of extreme tantrums. I’m just not doing all that extraneous running.<\/p>\n
I never even connected my lack of weight loss with Elsa’s lack of running until an old friend pointed out that I was lucky I didn’t have to run all the time like I did with Erik. In her words, “that kid ran more than any kid I’ve ever seen in my life.” <\/p>\n
I’m not blaming Elsa. Not at all. It just made me realize that I need to bump up my activity levels because I am not<\/I> getting any natural exercise.<\/p>\n
My goal was to lose 10 lbs from the date of my surgery to my physical. That gave me eight weeks. It’s been four weeks and I’ve gained two pounds.<\/p>\n
Suuuuuuuucks.<\/p>\n
I’ve cut down on snacking and I’ve been taking the kids for walks or to the gym. It just all feels so helpless. I need to do something extreme. I need to find a diet I can stick with and make work. I just don’t know what diet that would be. I’m not asking for suggestions. Please, please, please for the love of all that is unholy please do not make a single suggestion. I am just venting, not seeking advice. I’ve been struggling with this weight loss thing for 30 years. I’ve heard of every diet out there from Shangri-la to Paleo. <\/p>\n
So bah humbug to me. I hope I can flip a switch in my head and turn my motivation on. I guess I just don’t want it bad enough. Or, more likely, I know that it takes a hell of a lot of work to do it and I’m not even sure it’s worth it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am deeply, deeply unhappy with my weight right now. I know it is a boring topic. I should just take care of it. I know that. But here I am, talking about it again. We’re back to self-loathing. I can’t stand looking at pictures of myself. I hate that I am starting to get […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-901","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/901","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=901"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/901\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":902,"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/901\/revisions\/902"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=901"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=901"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog2.queenoframbles.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=901"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}