The Queen's Rambles

I had such a wonderful day today! I got to finally meet Brenda and Bethany. I love meeting blogger friends, especially blogger friends who know so much history. Brenda is one of the few who remembers my days in Sweden and the very crazy exploits of Annica. How I miss those days of blog freedom when I could right whatever I wanted without fear that the gossipee would find the blog. These days I have a lot I could say that would be very, very entertaining, but I can’t justify ruining friendships for the laughs the rants would receive.

Instead, I just get to complain about being tired. I’m very, very tired tonight.

I put new batteries in my camera for the trip, but guess what? The camera kept saying it was low on batteries. By new, I mean freshly charged. Maybe they are so old they are no longer holding a charge? I don’t know, but I’m sure I’ll be able to snag some pictures later. Not that I’ll want to post them. I don’t enjoy looking at my pregnant self. I especially don’t enjoy pictures of my maternity clothes. I’m not used to wearing such tight clothing, so I see the pics and it’s like “HELLO BOOBIES!”

We had a very relaxing afternoon and it only took me 35 minutes plus 15 minutes of being lost to get there. I was home in 30 minutes. This is a miracle, people! The Beltway loved me, today!

I was hoping Erik would be a good boy and he was, so that was another bonus. Brenda has a 4 year old daughter, Bug, and Bethany has a 5 year old, Annalie, so Erik was in heaven. As you may have heard me say, he’s not shy at all*. He jumped in with both feet and he and Annalie seemed to be having a ball. Bug was a little more reticent. It can sometimes be a bad dynamic to get three kids together since one gets left out and it seemed like it was Bug’s turn to get left out. Poor dear. Bethany and I both had to have words with our kids about discrimination because they were telling Bug she couldn’t play with them since she had brown eyes.

Bethany loves to cook, so we watched her prepare Thai Peanut Chicken (I need the recipe!) and then she served up some super yummy carrot cupcakes. It was nice just sitting in my chair, being served. Normally I am the type to jump up and get my own water, or volunteer to chop veggies. I can’t just sit there. Today? I let Brenda and Bethany serve me. I’m a beached whale.

Now that Bethany is in the area and we know each other, I hope we are able to get together sometimes. If the commute is as easy as it was today that shouldn’t be a problem. Have I mentioned that I love my van? I felt like I was floating the whole way down there.

What else can I say about three women sitting around gossiping and sharing stories? I’m hoping to see Brenda one more time before she goes back to CA. I’ll have to make sure I have spare batteries.

When we got home, we had enough time to stop by the house and get a snack before Erik’s swim lesson. This week was “survival week” so the kids were supposed to wear their clothes instead of their bathing suits. Erik was having none of that, so I meekly took him into the pool with his swim suit on. I guess none of the kids like to wear their clothes because the instructors were the only people with real clothes on.

Erik’s class was fun to watch. They learned to throw their friend something that floats if their friend is in trouble. The teacher would have a kid jump in, roll onto the back, then float and yell for help. The other kid was supposed to find something floaty to throw the kid and then the swimmer had to use that thing to swim back. I thought it was a very appropriate lesson. Erik did an excellent job yelling help. I guess he’s got his mother’s loud mouth.

Speaking of my loud mouth, we ran into some fun friends at the park yesterday. The mom is really amazing and always makes me wish I was a better mother. She’s patient, kind, creative and firm. She never yells at her kids, at least in public. Erik and her son were throwing sand at each other and I barked out orders to tell Erik to stop. Her son also stopped and she thanked me for making her son listen. I just about fainted. She thanked me? And she said she was glad someone could make her son listen? Crazy! I thought it was more likely that she would be mad that I was sort of gruff (even though I was just addressing Erik, not her son). Apparently I sound like I mean business. Which, I do. I’ve got that teacher voice down.

I think I wore myself out after swim class. Dinner was ready when we got home (yay crockpot!), so we ate then went and sat at the little park for a couple hours. Then I remembered I’m supposed to take a cheesecake to a Girls Night Out tomorrow. Yikes! You can’t make cheesecake the day of, not if you want it to be at optimal taste levels.

I already bought the ingredients, so I quickly googled my standard recipe and it was gone! Disappeared! The Internet ate my chocolate cheesecake recipe!

I loved this recipe. It was so simple: cream cheese, eggs, melted chocolate, sugar. No messing around with cream, sour cream, espresso powder, creme de cocoa, blah blah blah. Nothing fancy. I don’t have time for fancy.

Eventually I found a recipe that I could sort of use, but it made so much batter that I couldn’t fit it all in my springform pan. I had almost two full cups of batter left over. Craziness!

I just hope it tastes ok. I managed to crack the top, which is the big cheesecake no-no, but I don’t suppose anyone will complain. If they do, they don’t have to eat it. Right?

So get this. This GNO is hosted by someone who knows one of my crazy lady acquaintances. I told you this is a small town, right? The acquaintance never passes up a night on the town, so she’s planning on being there. She is the cheapest person I’ve ever met. At one party she brought a single opened sleeve of crackers as her contribution. At another event at a very nice restaurant she paid for her meal in coins. So what do you think she’s bringing to the party tomorrow?

Grapes.

Which, yeah, grapes are a nice thing to have, but everyone else is bringing wine or dessert. I think if you are going to bring something as cheap as grapes you should also bring a bottle of wine. Fancy desserts are not cheap to make. Wine, at least in MD, is not cheap to buy. If it was anyone else I wouldn’t have a rant, but just knowing her history makes the whole thing irritate me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I admit it. I am just looking at reasons to nitpick her. If it was anyone else I wouldn’t even notice the cost, I would just notice the presentation.

I really need to get to bed. I am drooping over here.

*Example of him not being shy: There was a massive black man with huge, crazy dreadlocks walking by our house this morning. Erik runs up to him “Man! Man! Are you a leprechaun?” I don’t think the man had ever been so surprised in his life. And no, he wasn’t a leprachaun.

1) I just wanted to clarify my last entry. I am not opposed to accommodating allergies. Not at all. I am opposed to accommodating allergies/people/situations that don’t exist. If we had a child in our group that would die from eating candy that had been in an egg that had possible peanut oil, than I would be more than happy to use new eggs. When we don’t have a child that sensitive in our group I don’t understand the point of making modifications. I would be more than happy to go buy more eggs, but my wee little green heart opposes the idea of generating more plastic trash when I probably already have 200 eggs and this hypothetical super-sensitive peanut allergy child is not someone who will be hunting for the eggs.

2) My sister. Oh lordy, my sister. She made a post on Facebook yesterday asking all her friends to post a comment with the number of people they’ve slept with. Really classy Facebook material. Then she answered “one!!!” Ummmmm. Seriously? Who does she think she’s trying to fool? Maybe she has a friend or two on there who don’t know anything about her (doubtful since she lives in our small hometown and everyone knows her name). Maybe she forgot the “hundred” after the one.

3) I forgot to mention the super fun game I made up yesterday! I bought Erik a pair of gardening gloves, and he was so excited he wanted to go do yard work right away. I grabbed a big tyvek bag from my pile of bags, took him outside and convinced him it would be SO MUCH FUN to be a community helper and clean up all the trash in the yard. He spent a long, long time with the game. Our yard and the mailbox common area looks great. We went down to the little playground to throw the bag out in the big garbage can down there and he tried to convince all the little tweenies to join his game. A couple of them even picked up a couple of things. It was very cute.

4) I’m off for a day of fun! I forgot to get my eyebrows waxed, which is the only blight in my plans.

I was supposed to host a park play date for our moms club today, but didn’t think anyone would show up. We’ve been having tons of rain, so though today was nice I wasn’t sure people would want to risk going to a park that might have mud puddles. I find that people around here are often wimpy about the weather.

Everyone must have had cabin fever as bad as me because we had the biggest moms club crowd I’ve seen in a while. I told everyone to bring towels and a change of clothes, so we were able to quickly dry off the equipment and enjoy the sunshine. We were having so much fun enjoying each other’s company and the nice weather that I was almost late dropping Erik off at the babysitter. That’s my kind of day!

After I picked him up from the sitter, he played outside for a long time and I got to chat with a neighbor. We had to come home when he pooped his pants(!!! WHAT???), so I was surprised when the neighbor knocked on the door a few minutes later with a bag of baby girl clothes. So sweet! I need to give her some baby boy clothes. She’s due five days before me.

My house was a total pit, but they came on in and her 3 year old daughter enjoyed looking at all our boy toys. It was pretty embarrassing, especially when I noticed that I had a pile of nursing bras on the couch that needed to be taken upstairs. I went through my Erik maternity clothes yesterday and washed a bunch of stuff to take to the consignment shop, but kept the bras. On the couch. I have a classy house. Don’t you want to visit? The best? The most noticeable bra was a leopard print. Also, Erik had no pants on since he had ruined his last clean pair.

It’s really hard to be vivacious and not have major social anxiety when someone you don’t know comes to visit your pit of a house and your 4 year old has a bare ass because he pooped his pants.

In other news, I got a pretty good night’s sleep last night so life is looking a lot better. I am still having a major hip muscle problem, which I can’t explain. I found my heating pad tonight and am trying to see if that helps. I say “trying” because it’s hard to use a heating pad when your brain has no ability to function. It wouldn’t get hot, so I was getting pretty mad and was convinced that it was broken. It’s been years since I’ve used it.

Problem A: I forgot to turn it on.

Twenty minutes later I discovered Problem B: I forgot to plug it in.

Then Mike came in and was telling me about some work project that he’ll be doing with one of his former co-workers (his field is very small so he is always running into former co-workers). He was office mates with this guy for three years. We’ve been to his house several times. We talk about him sometimes. Yet his name? I couldn’t think of it. I hate being stupid!

Here’s hoping for another beautiful day tomorrow and some pain relief for my hip. I was in a panic because I didn’t think Erik has any green clothing for his leprechaun walk at school tomorrow, but I found an ugly robot shirt that my mom sent him. He loves it. I somehow lose it in the back of the closet. It will do for tomorrow, methinks. What most of this paragraph has to do with each other I do not know. I am not a literary genius.

Ok, you get another whiny post from me. Lucky, lucky readers! More like lucky, lucky me, to have people who are still sticking around reading this.

So far in this pregnancy I’ve been pretty easy going about being pregnant. Yes, I’ve been grouchy, but I haven’t hit the point where I was just ready to be DONE. I kept saying that the baby needs to grow, of course I want her to go to full term, blah blah blah.

And of course I still feel that way. I’ll be 35 weeks tomorrow, so not even full term yet. I don’t want her to come that early. My sister’s kids were all three weeks early and they just weren’t as “put together” (for lack of a better term) as babies that go full term.

But I’m done!

I think the taste in my mouth has intensified. I can’t stand it. I really, really can’t. I keep shoving things in my mouth, trying to make it go away, but nothing tastes right or good and then it is just worse once the stuff is out.

I’ve had constant heartburn for the past 24 hours. My hips suddenly started hurting. My back is aching. I can’t breathe.

I’m done!

Twenty-nine more days. Bah!

Ok, let’s talk about other things, shall we?

I’ve lost my mind, but there’s nothing new about that.

Today was weird from the get-go. Erik went to sleep at his usual time last night (miracle considering it was daylight savings! I expected him to toss and turn for a good hour) but got up an hour later than usual. His school started an hour earlier than usual because I signed him up for Lunch Bunch. Those two factors combined meant we lost two hours of getting ready time. We had plenty of time, except I wasn’t watching the clock and suddenly we were late and I didn’t have time to curl my hair. I hate facing the world without styled hair.

Apparently my psyche is used to him being gone 2.5 hours because right around 1 pm I suddenly realized I needed to finish up my project and get on the road so I would be at school on time. I am supposed to pick him up at 2:30, but my brain was drawing a complete blank and telling me I had to be there by 1:30.

I had several clues to tell me things were off, but I didn’t pay attention to any of them. I saw my neighbor leave to go pick up her son. I know he gets out of school at 1:30 so I thought to myself that it was weird we don’t usually leave around the same time.

I did the daily dreaded drive past the high school and was pleasantly surprised I didn’t have to play Frogger with all the teenagers who don’t know what a crosswalk signal is for. I thought they must be on some sort of early release schedule or something. Normally school lets out about 5 minutes before I drive past, so I’m always in danger of running over a kid who thinks s/he’s invincible.

There were a ton of school buses on the road, which struck me as odd.

The final straw?

My radio station was playing a ton of commercials. They have a commercial free hour from 2-3, the time I’m really supposed to pick up Erik. All those clues, and it took the radio commercials to snap me out of my fog and realize I was an hour early. I wasted a perfectly good Erik free hour by being stupid! Duh!

I was starving by this point, but nothing sounded good. Nothing ever sounds good. I hate the taste in my mouth.

I decided I might as well go to Taco Bell, which was kind of stupid considering the heart burn.

Getting to Taco Bell is really simple. Getting anywhere in my particular suburb is really simple. It is a small town. There are three main roads going east-west. That’s it. The town is extremely long, but very skinny. Of course there are lots of residential roads, but I’m not counting those.

Taco Bell is literally three minutes away from my house. I know because Erik and I have timed it many, many times. We time all our drives. He’s fascinated by numbers and time, so we count the minutes when we go places.

I go to Taco Bell all the time. I literally just had to make a right turn, a right turn and a right turn. Somehow I got lost going to Taco Bell. It wasn’t a big deal and I wasn’t lost for long, but for just a second I was totally disoriented and it was a bit scary.

Hopefully I’ll be a little more with it the rest of the week.

And! I have permission to say what I’m doing on Thursday. Most of you are familiar with SAJ, right? I have met some of you through her. I’ve talked about her before. She even guest posted for me once upon a time. I think it might have been while I was getting married. I can’t remember.

Anyway, her best friend, Bethany Actually has moved to the DC area! I’m also a reader of Bethany’s, but not an active participant in her circle of friends. SAJ is a little crazy and likes to unpack, so she’s out here unpacking Bethany’s new house. And I get to meet them both on Thursday! Bethany is gracious enough to allow Erik and I to come to her almost unpacked house instead of coming up to my disaster of a pregnant-woman’s house. I am feeling more up for a drive than hosting company, so I’m really glad they don’t mind me coming to them. Can you tell I’m a little excited?

I’m ready for bed and it’s only 9:30, but really 8:30. Weird. Or not so weird. I was up all night with weird dreams, a toothache, heartburn and a kid’s head buried in my back. That would be Erik. Elsa’s head is buried in my abdomen somewhere and she had her own fun around 4 am.

It’s been years since I quit teaching and I still have nightmares about it. Talk about the wrong profession! I’m scarred for life. Last night I was dreaming that a student was bitten by a wild howler monkey monster thing and of course the parents blamed me even though I told the kid to stay out of the monkey’s nest. No one ever listens, do they?

It has been such a dreary weekend here. Blah. I want a sunshiney spring! Usually the weather here is gorgeous in March and April, but this year is proving to be an exception. I guess my one hold out of hope is that the summer won’t be as muggy and intense.

We went over to my friend’s house yesterday for a playdate and it seems she’s finally broken her son’s spirit. He was eating, which made me happy. I’ve been very worried, even though it’s none of my business. I know they say a kid won’t starve himself to death, but I’ve known too many stories of people who knew people who had a kid who did serious damage to their innards by refusing to eat. Anyway, I hope their battle is drawing to a close. It would be very nerve wracking to go through that.

Today was a preschool bowling birthday party. Erik was bouncing off the walls, so it was good to get out and get him somewhere active. It was kind of funny because the moms were all trying to make the kids take turns and follow the schedule, but the birthday girl’s dad took charge and told us all to sit down and just let the kids bowl when they wanted to bowl. No turns. No stress. No pressure. No organization.

Surprisingly, it worked out way better than our other bowling outings when we make the kids take turns. They had a ball with the chaos. It worked out well for Erik since he isn’t shy. I wonder how the more timid kids felt. It seemed like they were happy, but it did take some coaxing from the dad to get some of them up there to take a turn.

I’m thinking Erik’s next b-day party will be at the bowling alley. It is pretty cheap and there is not a whole lot of organization needed. The kids bowl about an hour, then you take them to the party room and feed them, then they get a bunch of tokens and get to play games. Sounds way better than me running around trying to get the kids to play musical chairs and break the pinata.

This was our first preschool party. I have met most of the moms, but don’t know any of their names. This was the first time we’ve really socialized, so it was not exactly exciting. Despite the hard work and frustration of our co-op preschool last year, I really miss our weekly social hour. We’d do school for an hour, then let the kids play for a couple of hours, so we really got to know each other well.

I am glad my 2008 New Years Resolution stuck so well. For those who don’t remember, my goal was to “Be Vivacious!” Basically I just started pretending I wasn’t shy. I acted friendly even though I was scared to death. A party like this a few years ago would have had me a nervous wreck, but today it was just kind of boring. I had plenty to talk about and chit chatted with some of the moms. I felt no anxiety at all. I can’t believe this is really me. Life is so much easier when you stop worrying about what people are thinking of you and just start being friendly.

Here’s hoping for a less dreary week this week! At the very least it should be less draggy. Erik has lunch bunch, an extra hour of preschool, on Monday and Friday. I’m hosting a park playdate (probably will be cancelled b/c of mud) on Tuesday, then Erik is going to the sitter’s for a few hours while I go to my doctor’s appointment. I don’t expect my appointment to take very long, but he loves going to the sitter’s since she has a boy his age. And! We get to do the most fun thing ever! I am not sure about other people’s internet privacy concerns so won’t mention it until I speak with them about it, but suffice it to say it is something I get to meet some people that I’m really looking forward to meeting. We all have kids, so it should be fun for them to run wild while the grown-ups have a little social hour.

I have managed to learn a little bit of internet etiquette over the past 10 years. I no longer blab people’s business until I ask if I can blab it. Btw, you can blab all my business around if you want. I suppose I should be more careful, but I worry more about harm coming from local people than random internet people.

It was rainy today. I hate it when we can’t go outside and play. I suppose if we lived someplace rainy we would just adjust and go outside. I remember my years in Astoria, tromping around in the rain. I stopped wearing make-up and doing my hair when I lived there because what was the point? It would just be smeared and bedraggled by the time I got to my car.

But now I’m wimpy and don’t want to go stand out in the rain watching a kid play. How would he even play? He’d just get all wet. Bah.

At least he had preschool so that gave me a couple of hours to myself. I sewed a few more cloth nursing pads. I hope they work well. I’m also thinking of sewing up some kind of cloth menstrual pads. I HATE HATE HATE pads with an unholy passion, but you aren’t supposed to use a DivaCup for postpartum bleeding. Male readers, aren’t you glad to read this? Cloth pads would be way better than plastic and paper. I guess I need to give it some thought and get sewing.

I only mention the nursing pads because it leads to a lovely visual that will entertain you all.

I’ve gotten in the habit of going into the dining room and letting Erik play in the living room. It doesn’t usually last long since he is a social kid and can’t stand spending time alone (sometimes I swear he belongs to my sister), but it’s nice while it lasts. So I’m sitting in the dining room, when I suddenly see a pale streak run through the kitchen.

He’s naked. Of course. Even though he had been dressed for school. He’s wearing his new goggles. He’s throwing my nursing pads all over the place, calling them his frisbees.

I sort of felt like I should do something about the situation, but really? What was being damaged? The cloth nursing pads were probably the least dangerous things he’s ever decided to throw around. It wasn’t like they’d been used.

The day only got worse when I called Mike around 4:30 with a small hope that maybe he would be home by 5.

Ha!

Hahahahahahahahaaha.

He got home at 8:48. Just like yesterday! I’m trying to be grateful that he has a job. I’m trying to be happy that he has a job that can provide me with a new van that has everything I could possibly want. I’m trying to be grateful that we aren’t living on the street. But no. Twelve hour days are more of the norm than eight hour days. That’s not acceptable. He mentioned that they had a meeting at work to discuss what could be done to improve employee morale. They should have called me. I have one big idea.

I’m really glad one of his co-workers didn’t call tonight and want to debrief. It would have been embarrassing for Mike to go to work on Monday. I would have had just a few things to say about a call at 9 pm on a Friday night. It was bad enough on a Thursday night.

Pregnant women can be insane, just so you know. I distinctly recall a phone call to Verizon in my 8th month with Erik that involved a string of horrible profanities the likes of which I didn’t even know I knew. I still maintain they have the worst customer service ever, but perhaps my reaction was a little over the top.

I’m just glad it’s the weekend. Mike will be here and can play with Erik and maybe I won’t have the kid blowing in my ear every five minutes. He’s lucky I haven’t lost my cool and slapped him upside the head. I’ve just lost my cool and yelled at him. I guess he enjoys the yelling because he keeps blowing in my ear, which he knows I hate. I probably have some sort of sensory issues or something, but I can’t stand to have my head touched, my hair played with, or my ear blowed in. The way he does it is painful and leaves ringing in my ears. And yes, he does it just because he knows it bothers me.

At least I have my new van. Did I mention it’s pretty? It’s blue! Have you ever looked at the color selection available for mini-vans? Pathetic. There are about 15 shades of beige, a white, and a blue. What do I love about it? Everything. It sits up higher so I can see things a lot easier. I don’t have to struggle to get in and out with my big belly. I don’t have to bend over to get Erik’s belt on. I don’t have to worry about opening the back door wide enough to fasten Erik in without hitting the car next to me. It has lots of cool stuff. Love love love it!

The only cons: It seems to take a lot more gas and it is hard to see behind me to change lanes. I have the mirrors set-up, but I don’t really trust mirrors.

The DVD player is also more of a con than a pro at this moment. I think it will be a wonderful thing for road trips, but I am not really comfortable with Erik watching it every time we’re in the car. He wants to, of course. I could just say no, but I don’t want to deal with the whining. We’ve already had a come to Jesus talk about the whining–we take short trips. No way will an episode of Backyardigans be over by the time we get somewhere. He was crying about it and saying he wouldn’t get out of the car until he show was over, but I think we’ve solved that problem with a couple of no-TV trips.

Not much going on here today. Just your regular old day. Boring boring boring.

I did get out and have lunch with my friend while Erik was in preschool so that was nice. I need to do that more often, but I hate to bug her since she works from home. Only I don’t think she actually is that motivated to work so maybe I should “bug” her more often. I feel really bad for her right now. This is the friend who has a kid that won’t eat. They’ve been following the doctor’s orders and giving him a variety of food and telling him to either eat it or not eat it, but he’ll be hungry if he doesn’t eat it. I think the kid is more stubborn than the doctor can possibly imagine. He won’t even eat his old standbys now. She said he refused any food at all all weekend–he only drank water. He’s gaunt and lethargic and they don’t know what to do. He finally ate a piece of bread on Monday, but then it was back to the hunger strike. And it’s not like they are trying to feed him anything crazy! They are offering him new foods, but they always make sure to give him something that he’s eaten in the past. I just feel bad for her because it feels like she can’t win. They are going to take him to a counselor ASAP because they need help. I hope the counselor is able to break through. I’m worried they’re going to have to go to the hospital and get him an IV or something.

Erik is certainly no angel, but at least we don’t have any serious concerns about him. Maybe my friend needs to call in the SuperNanny.

In fact, I was able to laugh my ass off when he had a gigantic meltdown this afternoon. He is addicted to TV and we are big ol’ meanies and turn it off more than he would like. We let him watch way more than is acceptable, but sometimes life is just conducive to television watching.

Mike was home and played the part of the bad guy. I had way too much fun standing in the kitchen, watching Erik screaming at the top of his lungs, turning bright red, threatening Mike with never speaking to him again. It was nice not to be on the receiving end for once. No wonder I’m so tired all the time. Dealing with a lunatic is exhausting. I hope this phase ends soon. I have a three fold plan when it comes to dealing with the tantrums. First, I give some empathy to try to defuse the situation, then I just ignore him. When it’s gone on long enough I try to distract him with something or else send him to another room to get away from me. It works, I guess, but it is still ridiculous. I think it is good for him to be able to safely express his frustration and anger. I don’t want him to learn to hold it all in. I guess this is just a part of learning to regulate his emotions. Fun times.

I spent a good half hour trying to get the headphones for the back of the van to work. I had to stop at Honda to pick up the new plates anyway, so I asked my salesman to help me. He spent a long time on the problem as well. We pushed every button. We both read the book. Nothing was working. I was extremely frustrating.

Guess what?

The headphones only work in the back seat. We were sitting in the front seat, trying to adjust things. Duh! You’d think the instruction booklet would say something about that. Have they never heard of a trouble shooting guide?

It’s been so long since we’ve had a nice, sunny day that I forgot one of the sunny day essentials–sunscreen!

With beautiful weather calling, we made an impromptu three hour trip to the playground and I now have a Rudolph nose and a slit of red chest skin. I was wearing this Chinese inspired Mandarin collar type thing so it is a small slit, sure to look funny when I wear my normal v-necks. I’m so glamorous. I think my sunburn is the least of my glamour problems.

It was glorious, oh so glorious, to be outside and have Erik running around playing with other people. I was not the jungle gym. I barely existed. May this be the end of cabin fever grouchiness.

As usual, I can’t go to playground without knowing half the other moms at the park. I was thinking the other day that we’ve lived here almost five years. That’s the longest I’ve lived anywhere in my adult life. Those of you who have been long established in your home or who live around family probably don’t quite understand how thrilling it is to have a social network. There are people I can call if I need help! It would have to be an emergency, but there are several people that could help me out. I don’t feel stuck like I did three years ago. If I need a babysitter I can just send out an e-mail and get a trusted recommendation or an offer of a playdate. Having real life friends is sort of amazing. I know I am dorky to feel so in awe of it, but I haven’t had a social network that I could depend on since college.

Of course, the flip side is that you often run into people you’d just as soon never see again.

One of the people I knew at the park is one of the most obnoxious people I’ve ever met. Ever.

She spent the whole time yelling, very loudly, “Johnny, if I have to tell you one more time, we’re going home! Did you hear me? If I have to tell you one more time we’re going home!” Over and over and over for two hours. At one point she grabbed the kid and started whaling on his butt, which made everyone in the park uncomfortable. I was just glad the kid was wearing a diaper. It must be a pretty common occurrence in their household because he didn’t even cry. Nor did his behavior improve.

I know all kids have their challenges. Lordy how I know. Still, I bet I could have improved that kid’s behavior in about twenty minutes. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Mean it and say it consistently. That’s all you’ve got to do to knock out the more obnoxious behaviors in a normal kid.

There. Someone pay me thousands of dollars. I just wrote a parenting book.

I’m just as qualified as that BabyWise dude. They were talking about the Babywise books on one of my forums the other day and it baffles me. For those that don’t know, this guy wrote a series of baby books based on Christian values. I haven’t read them, but they are very controversial because they are “parent centered” and say the child has to adapt to the parent, including the eating schedule. The books have been linked with failure to thrive in infants and I believe even a couple of infant deaths (though I could be wrong on that point). Doctors take a pretty strong stand against his methods.

The ironic part is that the man LIED about his credentials. His own congregation has called him out on his lies and condemned him. Yet there are certain Christians who feel that since he’s a Christian he must be right and he’s above reproach. We’ve got to raise our baby’s the Christian way, by gum! Because if I was a Christian I would really want to take advice from a proven liar. I don’t understand! That’s just the Christian way, eh? Sorta like Sarah Palin.

Please note, I know that not all (or even most) Christians fall into the trap of believing things that someone says just because some random guy claims it is the “Christian way.”

That was quite the tangent.

Shall we talk about child development?

I’m so proud of Erik. We had our six month dental check-ups today and he did a fabulous job of holding still and following directions. The last visit was pretty dicey because he couldn’t hold still and was really nervous about the whole thing. I always plan our visits in six month intervals so I know it’s been exactly since months. I was sort of shocked to realize how much he’s matured in the past six months. He may be driving me crazy at times, but overall he has really grown.

He got a scooter for his birthday six months ago. The past couple of days we’ve gone out and I’ve sat on the sidewalk with my lawn chair positioned where I can see him. I’ve told him the limits of where he is allowed to go and he has pretty much followed the limits. I never could have trusted him to do that six months ago.

I still remember crying in the hospital when they handed me Erik for the first time. I was so upset because I knew he wouldn’t be a baby forever–he would soon be a big boy and I wouldn’t have my baby any more. Hormones are funny things. It has been so much fun watching him grow and progress. I like each stage better than the last, except when he gets into his lunatic phases, and am really glad he is no longer an infant. The infant stage was killer! Four year olds are much more fun.

And we’re really going to start all over in five weeks? Hoo-boy. I hope she’s not a constant screamer like her brother.

If hell is anything like the Maryland Motor Vehicles Administration office, I better start saying my prayers right now. Not that I believe in hell. But I spent three and a half hours there and would like to avoid it at all costs in the future.

When we paid off our car we got a not-title in the mail, instructing us to take it to the MVA and trade it for a real title. Of course, knowing the hell that is the MVA we’ve put it off for. . .ohhhhh. . . a year.

Obviously we couldn’t put it off any longer since we traded the car in yesterday, so Erik and I got up early, packed a big bag full of kid crap and lunch and were at the MVA the minute the doors opened this morning.

Seriously, I hate this place.

First, we had to stand in the vetting line for over an hour and a half. They have two people working who look at your paperwork, tell you if you need anything else, and finally give you a number so you can go sit.

HOUR and a HALF! In line. With a four year old. With a giant bag o’crap.

My only saving grace was the lady behind me who had a 2 year old in a stroller. Erik and the baby kept each other pretty well entertained, though it was still a lot to ask of Erik to stand in that line and be good. He is having a major constipation problem right now so kept announcing “I had a really stinky fart!” to the general population. He also announced “My wiener is attached! Fix my wiener! It’s getting big!” As if I even know what that means. Isn’t it supposed to be attached? At least he amused everyone in line.

I finally got to the front of the line and learned that I had to have Mike’s signature. The only good thing was that they gave me a yellow ticket so I could go back today and not wait in the vetting line again.

Mike was down in downtown DC. Erik had preschool at noon. There was no practical way to work this out and I never carry my damn cell phone because it doesn’t work anyway (though I just ordered a new one tonight and should get it tomorrow!).

I finally got ahold of Mike and made a plan. He was only downtown for a short time, so after I dropped Erik off at preschool I ran down to Mike’s office, then back up to the MVA. Mike held out hope that I would be able to pick Erik up from school, but the plan was for Mike to leave work early to get him.

Guess who won that bet?

I sat in that stinking, hot, horrible office for over two hours. I was so hot that I had to go outside a couple of times. I thought I was going to have the baby right there on the metal benches. It was so hot that I started having irregular contractions, but there was no way I was leaving! I could be crowning, but I was damn well not going to lose my place in line.

At least I didn’t have Erik with me. That would have turned an annoying situation into a nightmare.

Once I made it to the front, the lady did her thing but informed me that I shouldn’t change my address.

Me: But that’s my new address.
Her: But it costs $50.
Me: But that’s my address.
Her: You don’t need to change it.

Finally I told her not to change it if she promised I wouldn’t get in trouble. I’m glad to save the money, but it was pretty weird to be told to lie after I just signed a statement saying I was telling the truth.

When I got home I went down to the basement and laid on the cool, comfy couch with a big glass of ice water for a couple of hours. I was actually getting fairly concerned about things, but resting and water solved my problem.

In other news, Erik is lucky I didn’t beat him. I’ve ordered a ton of stuff for the baby online. I’ve picked up a couple of small items in the store, but I generally find online shopping is easier, cheaper and more efficient. Erik is getting pretty tired of the baby getting all these packages, though he has been getting a few packages too.

Today we got a couple of one-size Rump a Rooz diapers, which are supposed to be good for newborns through potty training. Erik wanted to try them on, which was weird, but whatever. I didn’t have the patience for it, but Mike managed to snap one on him. I even took pictures, but I’m just not comfortable sharing them on the world wide web where anyone can see.

Anyway, I kept telling him he better not pee in the diaper, so what do you think he did? He peed! In my brand new diaper! Which. . well. . yeah, it was a diaper, but gross! I wanted to wait to prewash all the diapers after they all arrived, but now that one will have to be washed ASAP. I don’t even have the proper detergent to wash it with. Luckily it was just the pocket and none of the inserts.

I’m really hoping tomorrow is a more relaxing day, but Erik and I have dental appointments in the morning so I’m not counting on it. Poor kid has been doing an awful lot of errands with me lately. I need to be more patient with him, but it’s so hard.

I just really, really hope that all the stuff we’ve been giving him for his little constipation problem doesn’t catch up with him while we’re at the dentist. The last time this happened, about a year ago, the day after we gave him prune juice and all that he had a huge problem all over himself and his pants and everywhere. We weren’t at home, but luckily we were at our friend’s house so we were able to their shower and a set of clothes. It would certainly not be that handy to have it happen at the dentist office. Ugh.