The Queen's Rambles

We have a brand, spankin’ new Honda Odyssey! I can’t believe it! I got everything I wanted! Leather seats, butt warmer, power seats, DVD player, happy happy joy joy!

We also got a better deal than I thought we would. I fail to understand how Toyota could refuse to deal with us. The Odyssey retails for more, but with incentives, low APR and general wheeling and dealing we got a better van for just about the same price. Take that, stupid salesman and your “that’s a luxury that you don’t need.” I still can’t get over the way that guy was acting.

The Honda sales guy was great. Not too pushy, willing to explain things and answer questions. He was baffled by Erik. Poor, poor Erik. He had to sit in the Honda dealership for close to four hours. He was getting just a wee bit antsy by the end.

I told him that I didn’t think we would get a van with a TV since I hadn’t realized those weren’t standard. I thought those were the whole point of a mini-van, so was quite surprised when I started researching. We know lots of people with mini-vans and Erik has ridden in a few of them. When we started talking about getting one he was excited because he thought he’d be getting a TV.

First thing he said to the sales guy: “I’m Erik. I want you to go build me a van with a TV.”

Have I ever mentioned that he’s not a shy child?

The financial person was a different story. She was very personable and I liked her, but she was laying it on pretty thick. She kept telling us how “fascinating” we were and how she wanted to talk to us forever because we were so interesting. Well, of course, we’re just the most interesting people we know. Ha! It was kind of silly.

She also kept going on and on about Mike’s voice and how cool it is. As many of you know, his voice box was injured in a work accident when he was 18. It left him with a rough, gravelly voice that sort of sounds like the Godfather. In fact, many of our friends call him that, so I was laughing pretty hard when the lady said he sounded like he was a member of the mafia. Then she got all embarrassed and tried to take it back.

I was shocked when Mike signed the paper work. I thought for sure he was going to play the walk out game, but I think we are both way too busy and exhausted for that. I was also shocked that we were able to take the van home today! I expected to order it and wait a couple of weeks for it to show up. We weren’t really prepared for that! I have to go in to the DMV tomorrow and get the Saturn title (I have a paper from our creditor saying “This is not a title. Take it to the DMV to get the title”). I’m just hoping if I get there at 8:30 I’ll be able to have Erik at school by noon. It is going to e a horrible morning with him in the office for that many hours, but it has to be done.

Anyway! I’m all excited.

How about another topic? A controversial topic?

I am so sick of people! Everyone has an opinion and I’m tired of hearing it. My latest irritation is the anti-vaccination people. I’m not irritated with all people who don’t vaccinate their kids, just a particular sub-set. I can understand the concerns that a lot of parents have and I understand why delayed schedules, separating out the vaccines and declining some of the less important ones (like chicken pox) are choices that so many parents are making these days. I wrestled with these same decisions and did a whole ton of research. I found that I didn’t really buy into the whole anti-vaccination hype. The reasons presented weren’t strong enough to make me think the danger outweighed the benefit. Mike and I both have clean family histories as far as vaccinations/reactions/autism/etc is concerned. We watched Erik carefully after each vaccination and he never had any problems.

The people who piss me off are the ones who seem to hate vaccinations because the government is telling them they have to vaccinate and “no one can tell them what to do with their kids.” That’s just not a valid reason, in my opinion.

The thing that really gets my goat is the contempt they have for everyone who does vaccinate. Surely we must be stupid for believing the government has our best interests at heart! I am all about questioning the status quo, and I certainly don’t trust the government. I do, however, trust that the majority of pediatricians really have the best interest of children at heart. I know there are bad seeds and I know big pharma is Teh Evil, but if vaccinations were that bad I don’t think they’d have almost unanimous support in the medical world.

What these people fail to understand is that us “stupid” parents are the sole reason they are able to choose not to vaccinate their children and have very little fear that their kids are going to be stricken with polio and other diseases. If we all “wised up” and quit vaccinating our kids, those diseases would slowly seep their way back into the population and there’d be a real problem! I don’t think they’ve ever met anyone with polio. I have. My parents had a friend with polio. Her parents were government conspiracy theorists and refused to have her vaccinated. So, so sad.

Now that I’m having a baby, I am even more pissed at these people. When Erik was little I didn’t know much about herd immunity or think much about the children he came in contact with. Now that I know more I don’t want my baby coming in contact with all these unvaccinated kids! Herd immunity works because everyone is vaccinated, so if one or two kids aren’t they are probably going to be ok. But the more people who aren’t vaccinated, the more likely the diseases will be spread. Erik has all his vaccinations, but he’s around kids that I have no clue about. It is super easy to get an exemption, which is good for civil liberties but bad for herd immunity. The baby will be vulnerable for a few years! I know it is highly, highly unlikely that anything will happen, but it just irks me. I think all the “the government can’t tell me what to do” people should go live on an unvaccinated commune together and stay away from my tiny, little baby!

How’s that for a rant?

Have any of you had your whooping cough booster shot lately? I’ve seen several ads and have heard several people talking about it just this past week (not only in parenting magazines). Apparently whooping cough is making a come back and they are suggesting adults get a booster shot, especially parents of infants. I’ll be asking my OB about it at the next visit.

First, thank you thank you thank you thank you for all the help with my cloth diaper questions, and a special thanks to Kisha! I am feeling much better about the idea now. No need to freak out. I’m not a crazy person who wants to spend all my time thinking about my kid’s poop receptacle. I just want to do everything as simply as possible and forget about it.

I had a nice surprise today. One of my friends called and said her son wanted to play with Erik today. I was going to regretfully decline, but then she said the magic words “so why don’t you drop him off this afternoon?”

Whoo-hoo! You don’t have to ask me twice!

We went car shopping and Mike got to enjoy me aggressively telling the Toyota salesman just how it would be before we walked out. I am usually so demure, but this guy was pissing me off. I want things. Lots of things. I know a lot of the things I want are luxuries (power seats, seat warmer, DVD player), but dammit, we’re going to have this car for ten years. I think we can afford some amenities.

Every time I would ask about something he would tell me “that’s a luxury and you don’t need it.” What the hell? And he calls himself a salesman?

He never even showed us anything about the car. We took a test drive and Mike played with the seats, but he never offered to show us any features or explain how anything worked.

When he started running the numbers we kept asking him what features he was including but he wouldn’t tell us. Finally we insisted and he gave us a print out of stuff, which was not what we wanted at all. He was the biggest idiot I’ve ever met. I never thought I’d have a salesmen that annoyed me because of his lack of selling.

Then came the question, “What can I do to sell you this car today?” He didn’t like any of my answers and just wanted to argue.

He also didn’t realize I was pregnant, I guess. Even though I had to ask him to pull out the van so I could get in it because my big belly wouldn’t squeeze through the tiny little opening. I guess he just thought I was fat. He looked shocked when he asked how many kids we had and I mentioned we would be having a baby in six weeks. People! I am eight months pregnant and look it! You can’t mistake it for plus sized pudge.

Can you tell this guy pissed me off? I am still floored that he kept telling me I didn’t need luxuries. Who is he to decide what I need and don’t need? I’m going to be 36 years old this month. If I want a bleepity-bleeping seat warmer I can have one. And seriously do not EVEN try to tell me that leather seats are a luxury when you are buying a car meant to cart around little kids.

I thought Toyota would be falling all over themselves to make sales right now, but apparently not.

We had a much better experience at Honda. We didn’t get to talk numbers because we had to go pick up Erik, but we did get a much more detailed look at the car. The salesman didn’t decide that I didn’t need luxury or treat me like some dirt poor idiot. I just LOVED it when the Toyota salesman assumed we didn’t have any cash to put down. It seemed like he thought we were lying when we told him how much we’d be putting down. I know I don’t carry a Coach bag or wear Prada, but dang! That’s why we have money. We weren’t dressed like hobos.

Anyway, we’re going back to Honda tomorrow and I’m hoping we will place an order for our new van. We’ll just have to see what they can offer us. Otherwise, it is back to Toyota. The bad sales guy won’t be there, but he gave us his card and wants us to call him if we go back. Yeah right. Normally I would because that’s the polite thing to do, but I want a real salesman who is going to actually show me some features. Why would I want to give this guy my money? He sure as hell didn’t earn it.

When we started Erik’s swim program, I saw the line “Goggles strongly discouraged” and cringed. The child takes after his mother and his mother has super-sensitive eyes. I would cry if I had to jump in the pool with no goggles on. Erik, indeed, cries when he is supposed to go under. The first three classes he did ok, but today the novelty wore off and he was totally freaking out.

I was really relieved when the teacher pulled me to the side and told me to bring some goggles next time. Then she let him borrow some and he was a different kid. I think he’ll be able to meet his first goal during the next lesson if he doesn’t have to be freaked out about water in his eyes. I’m glad they decided to be flexible about the issue.

In other news, we spent an hour in the OB waiting room. I was getting pissed! We usually go to the office right across the road, but since I was having a sonogram we had to go down to Rockville, the big city, for this appointment. I hate it down there. The staff is unfriendly, the waiting room is crowded and hot and the wait takes forever.

Erik has been so curious about this pregnancy and keeps wanting to see Elsa, so I thought it would be fun for him to see the ultrasound. He actually did ok, thanks in part to a last minute grab of a puzzle book on the way out the door. The kid loves hidden pictures, mazes and stuff like that. He actually did a lot better with the wait than I did. I could feel the steam coming out of my ears, as they kept calling people back even though I was there first. Apparently someone was having a reeeeeaaaaaaalllllly long ultrasound session.

Sadly, ultrasounds at 33w2d are not guaranteed to get an amazing picture. The baby is so big that unless they are positioned just right all you can see is squished up lines. She was facing my spine so all we could see was the back of her head, her spine and a leg. I was disappointed, but Erik didn’t mind. He was convinced than her spinal column was her teeth and mouth. He amused the tech, at least.

Everything looks good, so I can’t really complain. The baby is transverse (laying sideways in my belly instead of up and down) and she is big. The ultrasound measurements can be way, way off. I’ve heard they can be off by as much as 2 pounds. Let’s hope that’s the case with this girl. They estimated that she was 6 lb 8 oz. She still has six weeks to cook! I’m glad I’m already set on a c-section. None of the news was great for a vaginal delivery, though things could certainly change.

I have to admit I have no clue what this baby is doing. I have no motherly intuition at all. I always sort of felt like I knew what Erik was doing, and how he was positioned. It wasn’t that hard since he was constantly on the move. I knew he was twirling around, which was proven when he was born with the cord all wrapped around him. I also knew he was vibrating all the time, and that was proven when he came out and would randomly shudder. He still does that when he pees sometimes. I was just glad he didn’t have epilepsy.

This baby just isn’t into moving much. Yes, I do feel her move, and I usually enjoy it (though I could have lived without the four am flip-flops last night), but it is nothing like with Erik.

I talked to my mom afterwards and she just makes me laugh. She has lots of opinions about everything, but none of them are grounded in reality. At least she tries, right? She was just going on and on about how angry she was when my oldest nephew was born because my sister refused her cervical checks. I’m with my sister! I’m planning on refusing all cervical checks unless the doctor gives me a very good reason to have one or I feel like I might be in labor. The checks don’t give meaningful information in many cases. You can be dilated for weeks or not dilated and have the baby 12 hours later. Not worth the pain!

My mom said my oldest nephew had thrush because my sister wouldn’t do the checks. What? That doesn’t even make sense. Silly mom.

Ok, totally different topic. Sitcoms! There are actually good sitcoms this year! I’ve missed brainless, happy, fluffy TV. I’m really enjoying Community, Cougar Town, Modern Family and The Middle. I don’t think I”ve followed a sitcom since Friends ended. I am also enjoying Arrested Development, but I guess that doesn’t count since it’s pretty old. I think I was in Sweden when it was airing.

I was so tired last night that I didn’t write an entry. I’m tired of hearing myself whine (or feeling my fingers type out a whine?) that I couldn’t get up the energy to whine even more. I just had ZERO energy yesterday.

We didn’t have any plans so I decided it would be a great day to go and buy Erik shorts, a few more summer shirts and his yearly Crocs. If I have no energy now, how am I going to have energy when the sun actually starts shining? Or when I have a baby on my hip? I’m all about the online shopping for everything, but clothes are a different story. I like to see the quality. I am not exactly sure what size shorts Erik needs, so I would also like to have him try on a few.

I sat in my chair all day long, just waiting for the energy to go to the mall.

It never came.

Instead, I ended up ordering him a full set of shorts at JCPennys. By full set, I mean 4 pairs in khaki, 4 pairs in navy, all the exact same short. I hope they fit and we like them! I’d really like to get him some button down camp shirts because he looks so handsome in them, but I could only find two at JCP. I guess it’s T-shirts for the win.

I was so unmotivated to do anything remotely constructive or mommy oriented that I gave Erik a spool of thread and let him go to town. He makes “monster traps” which are a total pain in the butt to clean up and make walking through the house next to impossible, but it keeps him busy and quiet for at least an hour. An hour of peace is well worth the clean-up time and the price of a spool of thread. Unfortunately this is the kid that LOVES to have things wrapped around his neck, so I have to keep a pretty close eye on him. Sure enough, he wrapped it around his throat as tight as he could manage. Crazy kid. I swear this neck-wrapping fetish comes from having the cord wrapped around his neck.

Despite the exhaustion I’m a lot calmer about everything. Erik wasn’t even able to get me to explode (much) today, despite trying his hardest. Now that I have a theory about his behavior I’m able to let it roll off my back, even when he is screaming bloody murder in the backseat of the car, thrashing around like a fish out of water.

Today it was the usual fight, only much more intense. Every single time I pick him up from school he wants a surprise. Does he ever get a surprise? Maybe once every two weeks. Every single day I tell him “You don’t get a surprise every day. Surprises are just some times treats.” Every. Single. Day.

He’s been in school six months. I have no idea where he got the idea that he should have a surprise at the end of the day but he won’t let it go. At first I thought it was kind of funny so would occasionally put a small piece of candy or something on his seat to find when we got to the car, but that is not something I want him to expect. It’s hard to balance. Surprises are fun! I want to be able to surprise him sometimes and give him a good afternoon, but I don’t want to spoil him. Such a hard life I lead, what with all my over-thinking of the parental dilemmas.

We had a guest speaker at our MOMS Club today talking about “How to Help Your Preschooler be More Independent.” I was really looking forward to it because I want an independent child.

I guess I already have a pretty independent child. If you recall a post a few weeks back when I explained the things I expected Erik to do, you’ll basically know the gist of the presentation. She did go in to great detail about how you should divide each task up in to steps, then model the steps for them. Really, all very basic stuff if you’ve taken as many child development classes as I’ve taken. I was hoping for a little more, but I’m glad to know I’m on the right track. I was also pleased when she said it was more important to teach your child to be independent than to really drill them on academics. Not that academics aren’t important, but independence will give them the self-confidence they need to accomplish academic goals. I know a few local people who need to hear that message.

In non-Erik news, I am a giant klutz. I finally started quilting a quilt! Problem: I used the wrong sized needle. I’ve been out of my sewing phase for so long that I forgot my machine (or at least my thread) hates needles with small thread holes. I’m sure if I was more educated in sewing machine use I would know what kind of thread to buy for each particular size of needle, but all I know is that when I use my standard thread I need a size 14 needle. I used a size 11 and all hell broke lose. The thread kept snapping every two seconds, the needle snapped in half and finally I sewed right through my finger tip. Special! My poor finger is very sore today.

On top of that, I have a burn on my belly. I was making Erik his pancakes, just like I do every morning. I suddenly noticed that my stomach was hot. Then it was REALLY hot. Then it was burning. I finally looked down. Duh. My big ol’ belly was resting on the frying pan. How’d it get way over there?

I have no idea where my body is these days. I assaulted a little girl at our meeting today. I turned around and totally smacked her in the face with The Belly. I’m getting huge. My maternity pants are starting to feel uncomfortable. They fit, but I can’t stand to have them press on my belly. I think I’m going to have to drag out the ugly, nasty, denim muumuus. I’ve never been a fashion plate, but I hate wearing such ugly clothes. Maternity shirts and pants are bad enough.

Bitch and moan. Moan and bitch. That’s all I’m capable of. How boring.

I did have a revelation today. Many of you have probably heard of the six month cycle theory for kid’s behavior. You’ve probably heard it from me, if not from various baby books/sites/whathaveyou. The theory goes that your kid will be well behaved for six months and totally insane for six months.

I buy the theory, but it doesn’t quite work that way with Erik. Usually the month before his birthday and his half-birthday he starts acting like a lunatic. It takes a few weeks, but then he figures out that no matter how hard he pushes I am still the mommy and he is still the boy and life is a lot easier when he complies.

Guess what? It’s about a month before his half birthday. He has utterly lost his mind. He even wet the bed today, which he hasn’t done in six months.

We went to the gym today, one of his very favorite things to do. He usually uses cubby #4, but it was already being used. He was pissed about it, so when the worker lady came over and tried to help him with is coat he was really rude to her. I can not abide a rude child. Can. Not. Abide.

I told him to tell her he was sorry and suggested that next time he say “No thank you, I don’t need any help.” This is nothing unusual in our lives. I often make him apologize if his behavior is not up to snuff and I always give him a script to say that would be better. Usually he does what I say and the problem is solved.

Today he flat our refused. He told me he was never going to speak to me again and to go away and was just being a total asshole. I made him stand in the corner while I unpacked my things and got ready to leave. He kept going on and on about how he didn’t like me and I should go away and blah blah blah. At one point I’d had enough and told him he could either tell the lady he was sorry or we were going home.

Guess what we had to do?

I marched his punky little ass out of there, while the workers looked on in some sort of horror. “It’s ok, it’s ok!” they kept telling me. But it’s not ok. I’m sure I could have handled it better, but no four year old is going to be rude to the adults and then get a free pass.

I was PISSED as you can well imagine. As I was marching him out of there, trying not to cry, guess who held the door open for me? Our pediatrician. I hope she didn’t think I was abusing him. He was screaming bloody murder, I looked fit to kill. It was not a scene I care to repeat.

He screamed in the car for about five minutes until he realized I was serious. Suddenly he had an epiphany and realized he wasn’t going to get to play at the gym. He calmed down and suggested we go back and he could apologize and be a good boy.

I was kicking myself for leaving because I wanted my break! Instead of getting rid of some aggression and gaining some endorphins, I was staring down an hour with a pissed off kid.

I decided I better take him up on his offer, so we turned around and ended up at the gym anyway. Thank goodness. I needed that. Except I had to cut it short because I was barely moving but my pulse shot up to 150 and wouldn’t go down according to the machine. I find the machine is usually fairly accurate. I’m not supposed to get my pulse above 130, so it kind of freaked me out. I was a little light headed, but nothing major.

Lunatic incident number 2 happened at after school. We went to Target to get a couple of things. I always make him hold my hand in the parking lot even though he hates it. We got up to the crosswalk, I said “hold my hand,” and he took off running. I was yelling at him, but he wouldn’t stop. I about had a heart attack. The lady on the sidewalk on the other side of the crosswalk just about had a heart attack. If we wouldn’t have been in a public place I probably could have beat the kid. No cars were coming, but that’s beside the point. He didn’t look at all and he didn’t listen and I certainly couldn’t chase him down in my state. I was having a hard enough time not peeing my pants since I hadn’t gone for 30 minutes.

I think I can be a little calmer about his behavior now that I realize it is a developmental phase and not just him acting out to be a little turd. I mean, of course I knew that, but I am not thinking very rationally these days. I get upset very easily and can’t handle unexpected problems very well. Six weeks to go until this baby is here! I keep thinking it will get better then, but then I remember how I was after Erik was born. More like three years to go! If I start acting crazy this time, I think I better talk to the doctor about some kind of drug. Prozac, anyone? I wouldn’t really want to get started on an anti-depressant because I hear it can be a major problem to come off them, but I don’t want to hate myself and everyone around me for 18 months. Of course, if it is like last time I won’t even recognize that I have a problem and will take a bite out of anyone who suggests I might. I’m so pleasant.

One thing will definitely be different. I have a social support group this time around. I think that will make a world of difference. Last time I didn’t have a single real life friend around and I was having major feelings of self-hatred for not having a big, fancy career. I am very content as a stay-at-home mom these days so I won’t have to fight the feeling that I am worthless because my work doesn’t provide income to the family. My work provides other advantages.