The Queen's Rambles

Bitch and moan. Moan and bitch. That’s all I’m capable of. How boring.

I did have a revelation today. Many of you have probably heard of the six month cycle theory for kid’s behavior. You’ve probably heard it from me, if not from various baby books/sites/whathaveyou. The theory goes that your kid will be well behaved for six months and totally insane for six months.

I buy the theory, but it doesn’t quite work that way with Erik. Usually the month before his birthday and his half-birthday he starts acting like a lunatic. It takes a few weeks, but then he figures out that no matter how hard he pushes I am still the mommy and he is still the boy and life is a lot easier when he complies.

Guess what? It’s about a month before his half birthday. He has utterly lost his mind. He even wet the bed today, which he hasn’t done in six months.

We went to the gym today, one of his very favorite things to do. He usually uses cubby #4, but it was already being used. He was pissed about it, so when the worker lady came over and tried to help him with is coat he was really rude to her. I can not abide a rude child. Can. Not. Abide.

I told him to tell her he was sorry and suggested that next time he say “No thank you, I don’t need any help.” This is nothing unusual in our lives. I often make him apologize if his behavior is not up to snuff and I always give him a script to say that would be better. Usually he does what I say and the problem is solved.

Today he flat our refused. He told me he was never going to speak to me again and to go away and was just being a total asshole. I made him stand in the corner while I unpacked my things and got ready to leave. He kept going on and on about how he didn’t like me and I should go away and blah blah blah. At one point I’d had enough and told him he could either tell the lady he was sorry or we were going home.

Guess what we had to do?

I marched his punky little ass out of there, while the workers looked on in some sort of horror. “It’s ok, it’s ok!” they kept telling me. But it’s not ok. I’m sure I could have handled it better, but no four year old is going to be rude to the adults and then get a free pass.

I was PISSED as you can well imagine. As I was marching him out of there, trying not to cry, guess who held the door open for me? Our pediatrician. I hope she didn’t think I was abusing him. He was screaming bloody murder, I looked fit to kill. It was not a scene I care to repeat.

He screamed in the car for about five minutes until he realized I was serious. Suddenly he had an epiphany and realized he wasn’t going to get to play at the gym. He calmed down and suggested we go back and he could apologize and be a good boy.

I was kicking myself for leaving because I wanted my break! Instead of getting rid of some aggression and gaining some endorphins, I was staring down an hour with a pissed off kid.

I decided I better take him up on his offer, so we turned around and ended up at the gym anyway. Thank goodness. I needed that. Except I had to cut it short because I was barely moving but my pulse shot up to 150 and wouldn’t go down according to the machine. I find the machine is usually fairly accurate. I’m not supposed to get my pulse above 130, so it kind of freaked me out. I was a little light headed, but nothing major.

Lunatic incident number 2 happened at after school. We went to Target to get a couple of things. I always make him hold my hand in the parking lot even though he hates it. We got up to the crosswalk, I said “hold my hand,” and he took off running. I was yelling at him, but he wouldn’t stop. I about had a heart attack. The lady on the sidewalk on the other side of the crosswalk just about had a heart attack. If we wouldn’t have been in a public place I probably could have beat the kid. No cars were coming, but that’s beside the point. He didn’t look at all and he didn’t listen and I certainly couldn’t chase him down in my state. I was having a hard enough time not peeing my pants since I hadn’t gone for 30 minutes.

I think I can be a little calmer about his behavior now that I realize it is a developmental phase and not just him acting out to be a little turd. I mean, of course I knew that, but I am not thinking very rationally these days. I get upset very easily and can’t handle unexpected problems very well. Six weeks to go until this baby is here! I keep thinking it will get better then, but then I remember how I was after Erik was born. More like three years to go! If I start acting crazy this time, I think I better talk to the doctor about some kind of drug. Prozac, anyone? I wouldn’t really want to get started on an anti-depressant because I hear it can be a major problem to come off them, but I don’t want to hate myself and everyone around me for 18 months. Of course, if it is like last time I won’t even recognize that I have a problem and will take a bite out of anyone who suggests I might. I’m so pleasant.

One thing will definitely be different. I have a social support group this time around. I think that will make a world of difference. Last time I didn’t have a single real life friend around and I was having major feelings of self-hatred for not having a big, fancy career. I am very content as a stay-at-home mom these days so I won’t have to fight the feeling that I am worthless because my work doesn’t provide income to the family. My work provides other advantages.