The Queen's Rambles

My mom called yesterday and I could immediately tell something was wrong. I thought my sister had finally done herself in either on purpose or accident, but no. My 30ish year old cousin had died. What a complete shock.

It is always such sad news when someone so young passes. I didn’t really know him at all. The last time I saw him I was fresh out of college, subbing at my old high school and he was one of the students. He wasn’t really a cousin in terms of blood. His grandma was married to my dad’s brother. When they got married she already had a couple of kids and one of those kids was this cousin’s dad.

I didn’t actually know him through family connections because his dad was not interested in being around my dad, but he lived next door to my best friend for a few years. My best friend, Ron, had a whole passel of brothers and sisters, so Tucker would often hang around and play. I think he was the same age as another sibling in that family.

Even when he was an itty-bitty kid we knew he was gay. Being gay in a tiny hick town back in the ’80s and ’90s was not easy. It is my understanding that his mom and dad did not accept this at all and gave him a really hard time. I know he was tortured pretty badly in high school. He was out and proud, but this was almost 20 years ago. Bullying gay students was still socially acceptable.

I think I helped stop a little bit of that because his chief tormenter was the brother of one of my good friends from high school. One of my gay friends. When I caught this dumb ass kid harassing Tucker right in front of me I simply said “So, how’s Charles doing?” He turned all shades of green. I told Tucker to ask him about Charles every time he started in on him and it seemed to work. Not that it solved all his problems, obviously, but it was nice to do one small thing for him.

After high school he moved in with my cousin (his aunt) and had a great time living in a bigger city where he was not endlessly tortured.

That all came to a screeching halt a few years ago when he had some kind of health crisis that messed with his brain. I have no clue what happened, I just know he had to go and live near his mom and dad and have pretty intense therapy. He died from a seizure yesterday morning.

My heart is totally breaking for my Aunt Jewell and my cousin. My aunt took my dad in when he was a teenager. She had her own two kids, an infant and a very mentally ill husband to take care of (my dad’s brother). But still, she took in an abused, abandoned 13 year old who didn’t have a clue how to function in a family. I want to go to Oregon just to hug her.

My cousin always loved Tucker more like a sibling than a nephew. I know she has to be completely devastated.

I’m mourning a short life of lost potential. I didn’t know him well, but that doesn’t make it any less tragic.