The Queen's Rambles

I totally freaked myself out this morning, thinking I was pregnant. People have talked me off a ledge and I now think I am just getting older and my body is having some ovulation spotting. Ugh. Better than pregnancy, though! I love my children more than anything and I know I would love any future children, but I don’t want to go through pregnancy and the newborn stage again. Our life is just getting back to the point where everything doesn’t revolve around naps and sleep.

Mike also pointed out that my problem could be related to my changed diet and rapidly losing 10 pounds. Maybe so, maybe so.

I must say, I am shocked, SHOCKED, I tell you. I love weight watchers. I have been dragging my feet with WW for years. Even when the doctor straight up told me it was the only weight loss program that she would recommend, I scoffed. I thought “sure, it works for other people, but how can it possibly work for me? My body hates me. Nothing will ever work. Diets are for shmucks. Woe is me.”

Ten days in and I’m having great success (though I fully expect the pounds lost to slow waaaaaaay down this week). It cuts through all my bullshit justifications, games, false health information and all my other excuses. It’s really pretty simple. Less food in.

I can eat whatever I want, but I have to budget my points. If I decide a brownie is more important than dinner, I can go for it (not that I’ve done that, but I could and just knowing I could makes me less angsty and crave-y). I’m so great at the justifications. “It’s whole grain! It’s organic! It has [whatever healthy thing it has].”

Or I go the other way and ban all things. Banning doesn’t work because then that’s all I think about and I become obsessed. I can do it for a few months, but once I fall off the wagon, I fall hard.

The first week of WW was hard, especially since I was all messed up with my food scale, but I’m in a groove now. I am not totally depriving myself, but I am eating much smaller portions. My stomach is used to the smaller sizes now. And I’m eating a lot healthier. I think I can do this! It would be totally amazing if this worked.

The only real snag is “what to cook for dinner?” Some of my recipes work, but a lot of them don’t. They are just not worth the points. I’ve been testing out new recipes and it has been a half and half proposition. Half are acceptable (a couple were even good) and half are nasty. Tonight I made the best one yet, Filipino Adobo Pork from Skinny Taste. Yum yum yum! It was so simple, too. Just pork in a crockpot with soy sauce, vinegar and a few spices.

What else is happening? I went and painted pottery for charity last night. My friends and I had a great time and I totally didn’t hate the results of my painting. I want to see the finished product, but it is going to a fundraiser thing so unless I go and bid on it, it is long gone. I won’t be doing that. I am not a gala attender type.

The kids have a nasty cold, with a hacking cough that keeps them up all night. I let Erik stay home from school today, which was probably a mistake. He need to go outside and run. He doesn’t have school tomorrow because it’s Yom Kippur. I think they’ll be ready to go to a park tomorrow.

I took them to Target for tissue and it was a nightmare. I let Elsa sit in the big part of the cart as long as she stays seated. As soon as she starts hanging out of the cart, I buckle her in.

Let’s just say she does not enjoy being buckled in.

She is a strong, determined young lady. I was trying to get her into the seat portion of the cart and she wouldn’t put her feet down to go through the holes. She was screaming so loud that people were coming around the corner to stare.

I finally got her buckled in and was showing a book to try to distract her. Erik, in all his six year old wisdom, grabs a $20 Dora book to show her. Of course that was the only book she wanted, but no way in hell was I paying $20 for a freaking sing-songy book that would either end up completely ignored or torn to pieces.

She finally settled down and we did our shopping.

At the end, Erik wanted to buy a pretzel from the snack bar, so we ordered and were told it would be a few minutes. We sat down to wait. And we waited and waited and waited and WAITED and WAITED and waited some more. Every time someone would look at Elsa she would hide her face. People thought she was playing peek-a-boo and would try to engage her. They didn’t catch on that she was saying “welly scared, welly scared, mom.” She finally crawled under the table because people wouldn’t quit looking at her. It’s not like they were in her face or anything. She hates to have anyone glance her way. So different from Erik, who must be the center of attention at all times. I was going a little nuts. The floor was so nasty, but she refused to come out and sit on my lap.

Ok, guess it is time to take this boy up to bed. Hopefully I’ll have a little TV watching time afterwards. I don’t know how I’m going to keep up with all my shows this fall. Last year I had hours of TV watching time since Elsa napped on me, but this year she isn’t napping. There’s no way I can watch my shows with her in the room. Can you imagine how freaked out she’d be if I was watching Grimm or Fringe while she rode her rocking horse?