The Queen's Rambles

I am just sitting here and don’t have to be anywhere for an hour. What a rarity! Of course, I should be doing laundry, fixing the dishwasher (the top rack is not getting clean) and scrubbing down a bathroom. Instead I am going to tell you tales of excitement and adventure.

Or just gripe about life. Whichever.

Weird thing: I’m driving a rental van, which I hate. I am totally spoiled by my suburban mom van (seat warmer, lumbar support, automatic doors, nice sun shades) and am sick of this boxy, clunky Nissan. Life goes on.

My neighbor, whom I’ve never spoken with, ran over and asked me if I had a new car. I explained it was a rental. She went back home. Neighborly social interaction over.

Then yesterday she runs over to me and tells me that I jinxed her with my talk of a rental car because her son was in an accident. She goes on and on and ON about this accident, not letting me leave. I finally had to walk away because I was running late. She said that it was my fault for jinxing them at least five times. What the hell? Did she think I should apologize? Offer to pay for it? What? I don’t believe in jinxing. Ugh. It’s not my fault some unlicensed driver t-boned her car.

Good thing: Take a box of vanilla cake mix, add a cup of water and a cup of pumpkin puree along with a tablespoon of pumpkin pie spice. Bake about 20 minutes and you have yumilicious, low points cupcakes. I could eat the whole tray. But then that wouldn’t be so low points.

Now that I’m past the first few weeks of dropping weight, the diet is not working as well and I’m getting bored. I have to keep telling myself that a drop is a drop, even if it is a tiny drop. Tiny drops will add up over the long term.

Bad Thing: I had a terrible nightmare this morning. It shook me up, big time. I couldn’t stop thinking about it for a couple of hours after getting up. The sad thing? It wasn’t about monsters or blood or death. I was transported back to my childhood, in my bed, listening to my mom and dad scream and fight. They were always brutal. I was always terrified. I got very little sleep in my younger years.

I am so glad my children don’t have to live in that type of a household. I am so glad I don’t have to live that kind of life.

Future Thing: Ellen gave me a great idea about jobs–a college that has 10 month employees. There are a ton of universities around here so I did some looking. I am not applying to anything right now, but after looking at job postings I am thinking I may have a shot at something on a college campus in a few years. I’ll need to take a course in Microsoft Office. Most colleges around here have reciprocal tuition for in-state schools. That would be an amazing perk when the kids are old enough to attend. Obviously this is far, far in the future and a big fantasy. It does give me some food for thought, though.

I hate that I feel like I am wasting my brain. I am smart! I could do something smart! But. . . do I really want to work 60 hours a week? I need to maintain my home. I need something that brings in some cash flow, but I’m not passionate enough about anything to work my fingers to the bone. I could be a doctor! A lawyer! A famous author! But. . . yeah. . .that would require focus and dedication and sacrifice. Not going to happen.

Maybe one day I will find my passion.