The Queen's Rambles

I hate it when someone says “I’ll be there in the morning” and you have no idea if that means 9 am or 11:59 am, so you don’t take a shower because you don’t want to miss the person, especially when you NEED the flowers the person is bringing. Then it’s suddenly 10:48, you haven’t had a shower, your hair is sticky-uppy, you have things to do and you don’t know when this person is going to arrive and all you want in life is a shower. I must have a shower! Bring me my flowers!

Ugh.

And then, as soon as the person calls me, I have to call someone else to come over and then at noon someone ELSE is coming over (all relating to the flowers) so when will I get my shower? Why didn’t I take a shower as soon as I scuttled Erik out the door? And why is Elsa throwing books down the stairs? Why didn’t her mother raise her better than that (though she did have a dry diaper this morning, so it’s not all bad raising!)

Oh flying spaghetti monster, I just saw the book she is throwing around and it’s a children’s Bible that some well meaning person gifted us with. Now she wants to read a story about the sheep. Bah!

Yay! Let’s read stories about genocide, but they have a happy ending because there’s a rainbow! Hee-haw! Painful, terrifying, destruction of the human race is a-ok as long as you make it pretty.

There is a serious feast of crows going on outside my window. These creatures are so nasty and bold. I hate crow season. Very few people around here use garbage cans so the crows just sit there and pick apart the bags, leaving piles of trash everywhere.

Yo ho ho. Aren’t I chipper?

My neighbor gave some some super cute little dresses for Elsa yesterday. I am hoping she can wear them this spring. They are 3T, her current size, so it will be a gamble. She also
brought over a cute denim jumper (I guess that’s what it’s called?) that she could wear now if I bought an undershirt to go with it, and maybe some tights. I love tights.

Guess I better go do something productive if I’m going to be stuck at home waiting for people to show up. My house is such a disaster right now. I am totally not motivated to clean, especially the bathrooms. My hands are so cracked and sore right now that I can hardly stand it. Getting them wet is torture. Yes, I’m slathering them with all manner of goopy concoctions, but I wash my hands too much during the day. Cracked hands or e. coli? I guess I’ll take cracked hands.

This is why I always take a shower first thing. My shower is my coffee. I’m a total crab when I’m oily and stinky and gross.