The Queen's Rambles

After waiting all morning for the flowers on Friday, guess what happened? I called at 11:59 am to see where the heck they were and got an “oh, things are crazy here, we won’t be able to make it.” I was beyond livid. You don’t make a person wait all morning and not even bother to call. Plus, these are flowers we are talking about, not freakin’ Girl Scout cookies. I’m supposed to deliver dead flowers to my customers who are probably already pissed that they spent triple the regular retail price on their Christmas poinsettia?

Yesterday they called at 10:41 am and said they were leaving. It should take about 45-60 minutes. They didn’t get here until almost 1 pm. Again, I was livid. And hungry. If I’m hungry, I’m always livid. I think I have hypoglycemia.

When they arrived, did they have my whole order? Let’s take some bets.

Nope. No full order. They tried to gaslight me and make it sound like it was my fault that they didn’t bring all three flowers. I stuck to my guns because I know I’m right. Why would I say two when I need three?

Today someone else is supposed to bring the final poinsettia. Has he called yet? Hell no. I am so done with Camp Fire right now. Our local council is completely disorganized and Erik isn’t even into it. Why am I spending so much time and energy on this activity? I seriously doubt we will continue next year.

Let’s think happy thoughts, shall we!

Our invisible elf told us to make pinecone bird feeders the other day. It was pretty hilarious. Elsa sat down with a spoon and the jar of peanut butter and had a grand ol’ time with her “snack.” I didn’t even know she liked peanut butter. Erik spent his time crying about getting his hands yucky from the peanut butter, so he ended up being the official hanger-upper. The only kid around here who never complains is our neighbor girl, Lucy. She ended up doing all the work. She’s a super sweet kid and practically lives over here. I would totally adopt her if I could.

Elsa discovered she could stick her peanut butter spoon in the bird seed and have a crunchy snack. If you look at Lucy’s lips you can see she gave it a whirl, too. Erik hung the all pinecones pretty low, so it was like some kind of inappropriate string apple bobbing with Elsa out there trying to lick the peanut butter and seeds off the pine cones.

The squirrels have slowly made off with all of the pinecones, which I expected. Poor birdies! I now have a jar of peanut butter sprinkled with bird seed, so I guess we can make a few more. I certainly won’t be using it to make Elsa sandwiches (though I don’t think she would mind! Crunchy!) I put it up in the craft cupboard and wrote on the lid, so hopefully no one finds it and decides to make peanut butter cookies or something.

Mike’s work has their holiday party on Thursday so it’s annual party freak out time Those of you who have been around for several years might remember the first time I tried to prep for this party. The new HR lady and I were both told it was a formal event and to dress accordingly. We both went all out. I was FREAKED because I don’t attend formal events. I did end up with a really nice, flattering dress and I did my hair up. I was so nervous, though. Formal event in the DC area! Scary! I’m from rural Oregon. Diamonds with your denim is perfectly appropriate.

Turns out it was not so formal. Most women were in slacks and sweaters. The HR lady and I were waaaaaaaay out of place. Most of the employees were very young men and brought their mothers or sisters.

I went to buy a new dress last night. Being a SAHM doesn’t lead to a big need for dressy clothes, so I thought it was time to treat myself.

I can normally find something, but was having a tough time last night. Everything I liked was sleeveless, and I don’t do sleeveless. I have super flabby, farmer tanned arms. Give me about three more months of twice-a-week BodyPump and I might be willing to do sleeveless. Right now it just makes me feel super vulnerable.

In the end I bought two things, a pair of black slacks and shimmery red and black long sleeved blouse. It makes me look like a middle aged woman trying to dress fancy for a party. I am a middle aged woman trying to look fancy for a party. But still, not the image I want to convey.

I also bought a sleeveless purple dress that I think looks flattering and much more “Hey! It’s a party and I’m enjoying myself!” except for the whole sleeveless thing. I couldn’t find a pashmina or shrug at the store, which was irritating since they were all about the sleeveless. I tried on all manner of other things that would cover my arms, but none of them went with the dress. I’ll go shopping this week and see what I can find.

So what about my legs? What does a middle aged woman wear? I’ve heard nylons are out? But it’s December and it’s cold. Tights? Do grown-ups wear those? My friends swear by tights, but I think they wear them under their pants as long johns. How about fishnet stockings? Where does a fat lady find fishnet stockings?

I should post pictures and get your advice. I hate pictures of myself. I’m glad I’ve lost 20 pounds, but it was 20 pounds I never should have gained in the first place so I’m back down to being super fat instead of “OMG Obese”.

I guess I better get the rest of my Christmas cards out. I was going to write a letter for the older folks on my list who will never join FB or e-mail, but I can’t think of anything I want to say. Sending a pre-printed picture card seems so impersonal. I need to put some more thought into this. Maybe a monthly countdown or something instead of a formal letter? I have Publisher now so I can manipulate my text. Watch out, I’m barely trained and I’m not afraid to litter the page with random fonts!