The Queen's Rambles

I should have named my daughter Clementine. You know that old song? Oh my darling, Clementine? It would suit her perfectly, even though it is awful. I’m sure someone loves the name, even though it’s up there with Gertrude and Bertha in my estimation. Of course, my mom told me the name Elsa sounded like a cow’s name so what do I know?

Why the sudden desire to change her name? The girl will NOT stop eating clementines. She has eaten three box fulls in the past three days. That’s something like 60 clementines! Craziness.

At first I was concerned about what it would do to her. . . output. The only problems seem to be incredibly stinky farts and an increased need to pee. She even wet her bed one night. Thankfully it was early in the night while she was still in her bed.

The first day I was peeling the clementines for her, but now she peels them herself and gleefully throws the orange bits all over the floor. Don’t you wish you lived here? It’s a citrus jungle. Maybe it will make my house smell fresh. Silver lining, right?

Happily she thinks it’s great fun to pick them all up and throw them in the trash, so maybe I won’t have to have a vein burst in my forehead.

Subject change: This summer I was in Gymboree and randomly decided to start an eBay business selling Gymboree clothing. Apparently I am the only fool willing to part with way too much money for last year’s Gymboree collection because my business is not the money maker I was dreaming about. I think I broke even on the batch of clothing I invested in, which was obviously not the goal.

Perhaps a business plan needs more than a whim to buy super cute fleecey pink elephants?

The fleece elephant went quickly, but I can’t sell a cute purple penguin sweater to save my life. Purple! Penguin! What’s not to love? I would buy a whole purple penguin wardrobe (and did, last year) if I could find it in Elsa’s size. People have told me I have unusual taste in girls’ clothing, so maybe that is the problem. I don’t think I have unusual taste. I’m not shopping at. . . I don’t even know. What would be a strange place to buy toddler clothes? Hot Topic? Just shorten the hem and a lot of those teeny tiny teen clothes would probably fit Elsa just fine.

Anyway, I shop at Gymboree, Kohl’s and Penny’s for the most part. I usually make a rule that I am not going to buy anything pink. Not because I have a war on pink or hate pink. The reason is two fold 1) Elsa looks terrible in pastel pink and 2) I love everything girly so have to have some discriminating factor that helps me save money. Having a no pink rule makes it much easier to not buy every single item in the store. I hunt for the blues and purples. It is not always an easy or successful hunt, which seems so wrong. Why can’t girls wear blue and purple? I literally danced with glee in Crazy 8s when they had a couple of the most beautiful turquoise colored items last week. The clerk probably thought I’d lost my mind when I started jumping up and down and clapping.

Ummmm.

I’ve got issues.

And my issues are getting even bigger now that Elsa insists on picking out her own clothing. For some reason the idea of being my little doll doesn’t appeal to her. She won’t let me do her hair either. Imagine that!

I guess I better stop writing and start chopping up some potatoes. I’ve been torturing myself with the most delicious smelling Colombian beef stew in the crockpot today. I don’t like my potatoes to fall apart, so I put them in a couple of hours before we eat. I should have done it an hour ago so I can go snarf on this stew sooner rather than later. My period started yesterday and my whole “I will track points and not eat M&Ms!” big push for the New year has gone straight down the gutter. I need to fill up on real food or I’ll turn into a chocolate bar.