Anxious
My poor little boy is suffering from anxiety, I’m afraid. Not that he could articulate that, but lately he is obsessed with talking about my Grandma. Every morning he announces “My Granny is dead.” Then he might go on to explain that she was old and sick and died. Or that she flew in an airplane up to the clouds. Or that we are never going to see her again. It is heart breaking, really. I let him believe she flew up in an airplane to the clouds. I have no idea what the afterlife, if there even is one, is like, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t involve airplanes. I’m not sure where he got that idea, but he’s four. He can believe whatever makes the most sense in his head. He has lots of years ahead of him to grapple with the big questions in life.
I had totally forgotten that we went to see Grandma in the hospital in July. Yesterday he started talking about her being in the hospital and that’s where the airplane came to get her and he doesn’t want me to go to the hospital to have the baby because the airplane will get me.
Shit!
I’m glad he started talking about it so I could do my best to reassure him that I won’t be going on an airplane to the clouds. I wonder if this is part of the reason he has been coming in to sleep with us and why he wants to constantly be on me. Today he said he wants the baby out of my tummy so he can be wrapped up in my tummy.
I wish I was a lot wiser and knew what to say, but I am just human. I’m just stumbling my way through the answers, trying to reassure him that it will all be ok, even though I can’t even really make that promise. It most likely will be ok, but what if it isn’t? I don’t even want to go there.
In better news, my mom’s tickets are booked! She’s going to be here for a whole month. Yikes! I’m excited and know she will be helpful, but a month is a long time for a house guest.
Due to the economy she is down to two cleaning jobs a week. She’s totally stressed out because of my dad and my sister. They take and take and take and take and take. Do they ever give anything back? Hells to the no. I’m glad we’re able to provide her a safe, happy place for a mini-vacation from her life. If it was up to me she would walk away from them and never go back, but that’s not a realistic expectation. Her other grandkids really need her. She is the only stabilizing force in their lives.
My sister is already bitching about me “stealing her mama” for a month. She has no idea how she will get along without her. I guess she’ll have to grow the hell up and act like a 33 year old instead of a 17 year old (sorry to insult mature 17 year olds).
My mom was totally excited to hear that we might give cloth diapering a try. She wanted to do it with Braxton but couldn’t find diapers, rubber pants or diaper pins. She was telling me that I need to get a bar of soap to store the diaper pins in so they will slide in the cloth better.
I was trying so hard not to laugh. I know she is clueless about modern cloth diapering. It has been over 30 years since she’s used cloth diapers. They are just not something you see in a place like Klamath Falls. I was trying to explain to her about diapers that just use snaps or velcro and come as all-in-ones so you don’t have to buy rubber pants or pins. She couldn’t conceive of the idea. I suppose I should send her a link to a picture. Not that she ever checks her e-mail.
Ok, we’re off to lunch. I really hope they have prime rib sandwiches today.