The Queen's Rambles

So I had to let that breakfast conversation stand on its own for the most punch. Sometimes a fake writer has to do what a fake writer has to do. It would not have had quite the impact if I was posting OMG OMG OMG lalalalalalalala. . . fingers in ears. . . I want to hide under the table. . . is this really happening?????

Yeah.

Those conversations are not comfortable for me. I am somehow able to pull them off, but the whole time we are talking about it my blood pressure is rising, my heart is racing, and I can feel prickles of sweat popping out on my hairline. When he asked if I enjoyed it (what 7 year old talks like that? Seriously? Did I ENJOY it? I credit his Maggie and the Ferocious Beast obsession from his preschool days with his prim questioning. Hmmmm. . .I need to get Elsa interested in this show, STAT!) I thought I was going to hyperventilate. I did not actually hear the bus. We got to the bus stop about five minutes earlier than usual and he thought the bus driver was super late since he had a lot to time to play tag with his friends.

Every thing I’ve read says the best way to give a child a healthy attitude towards sex is to openly and honestly answer all their questions, but only answer their questions. Stop talking and don’t elaborate on anything. That’s the approach I’ve taken and I’m really proud that he feels no shame or hesitation in asking me anything. I may be freaking out on the inside (as most parents would, I assume), but at least I can play it cool on the outside.

I sincerely hope he doesn’t ask his teacher if she enjoys her husband’s penis. I’ll have a CPS call on my hands.

Hopefully Elsa waits until she’s much older to start having questions. Erik was 4 when I had Elsa, so it is only natural that baby making was on his mind. Where did this tiny, fat, hairless creature come from? He didn’t find out that the penis went in the vagina until six months ago, I think. Yesterday was the first time he’s ever brought it up since that initial conversation when he declared it “gross” and said he was never going to do it. Believe me, I was very VERY glad of his grossed out reaction. I was scared he was going to want to try it out right away.

What am I going to do when I have teenagers in the house? I think I grow a gray hair every time I think of it. I suppose I will do what I always do and carry on. Think of England. Try to be Swedish about the whole thing you have to start watching at 2:05 if you don’t want to watch the whole thing.)

And now to the happy update! We have mulch! I saw the landscaper’s truck roll by about 10 am and danced a little jig. I drove by the playground around 12:30 and it was mulched but there were big piles of trash everywhere. I tried to remain calm and told myself it was lunchtime. Surely they would be back to clean up. Surely!

And they did. No need for my panic.

Now I just need to see if someone will fix all the loose screws and boards. I hate to say it, but I think I am going to have to become a regular at the board meetings. It was incredibly boring, but our street needs an advocate. Our community is chopped up into four small courts plus our long street (which dead ends). The board members are all from the other courts so there is no representation from our street. The community manager told one of my neighbors that they don’t care about us because we don’t attend meetings. She made it sound like there were huge meetings with everyone in those neighborhoods in attendance. LIE! But even if I was not on the board, just having my voice there could be beneficial. Plus, I’d really like to keep an eye on the lying liar who lies.

I’m not really sure how the whole board thing works. I know the community manager is a paid employee of the board. She works for a place called Community Associations. She manages several communities in the area, so my neighbor and I are planning a drive-by of those communities to see if they are as shitty as our neighorhood. The website for the company says that our manager is a “company principal” so I wonder if that means she is one of the owners of the company she works for? My plan is to talk to as many people around here as possible, get an idea of how community management works, join the board and try to fire this management company. They are doing a crap job and lie to our faces. Time for a change!

When will I have time for this? I have no idea. I enjoy tasks like this, but maybe I should put my efforts towards paid employment.