The Queen's Rambles

Even though I have not quite reached 40 yet (just a few more months), I already feel like I’m in the downhill slide. I hate this! I want to be young forever! We’ll just have to stop everyone from having babies so we don’t get overpopulated.

Anyway, ever since my blood pressure was high this summer I’ve been slightly worried. I am so stressed out all the time that it can’t be good for me. I’ve been monitoring it on and off at the grocery store and it is usually high. So I bit the bullet and went in and talked to a doctor. I’ve been put on meds and I guess maybe I won’t stroke out or have a heart attack now. I hope. She thinks I can come off it pretty quickly if I get my weight under control. Hahahahahahahaha. When have I ever had my weight under control? She suggested lap band surgery and at this point I am considering it. I never thought I would want to do it, but the situation feels extremely hopeless right now. I’ve gained a significant amount of weight this year and am looking absolutely repulsive. I’m really hoping that the blood tests will reveal a thyroid or other problem that would explain the weight gain and I can take a pill to help get it under control.

Also, I need glasses. It feels weird not to be able to read the computer screen without increasing the font size. Mike has to ask me to read things to him because his eyes are worse than mine, but now we both have to have Erik read things to us. He’s well above his grade level for reading, but not quite at the level we need for instruction manuals.

The first night I took the blood pressure pill I thought I was going to faint. There was a huge WHOOOSH! that went straight to my head and I could barely walk, I was so dizzy. The second night there was a slight whoosh, but no real dizziness. The last couple of nights there hasn’t been anything like that. I just hope the whoosh means it was getting things under control.

The doctor was really irritating me because she kept giving me advice that wasn’t applicable to me. She must have told me at least five times to quit smoking. Smoking is a disgusting habit that I have never sampled. Also, stop drinking soda and stop letting my kids drink soda. Ummmm. Yeah. My kids don’t even know what soda is and I haven’t regularly drank soda since I was 18. The only time I drink soda is when I have a ginger ale for morning sickness.

I have re-started weight watchers and am going to be serious about it this time. I really want to print out one of the repulsive pictures of myself and stick it on the fridge with a big sign saying “Is it worth THIS???” but I don’t want my kids to ask about it.

In other news, I feel a lot calmer. I don’t know if it is from the meds or the lack of sugar, but I am much more even keeled. I guess in my heart I know it is from the lack of sugar. I’m addicted to sugar. I don’t even like sugar as much as I always think I do, but after doing a ton of reading I can say I am very clearly addicted to it. Though Weight Watchers does not require you to go sugar free, I’m going to try to be as sugar free as possible for my own sanity. I literally can not eat just one cookie. One bite and I want more more more more more even if I am not enjoying it. My body is telling me that if I just eat enough of it I will somehow be satisfied.

I guess I better go up and take a shower. My friend’s daughter is having her birthday party today and I said I would go help her set-up.