The Queen's Rambles

A post from me? Can it really be?

Elsa is one month old today. I wish I could get some decent pictures, but she is always asleep. There are only so many pictures of sleeping babies that I can take. Poor second child. Already she’s getting the shaft.

I feel like I don’t even know what she looks like, which doesn’t make any sense. Surely she must look like more than a fat blob, though. Right? She is one of the fattest babies I’ve ever seen. I know she’ll thin out when she starts walking, but at the moment is is just roll after roll of fat. Her poor little face is covered in baby acne, as well, which makes me crazy. I am a pimple popper. It is so hard to still my hands and not start messing with all those ripe zits all over her face.

I need an opinion from those of you with more than one children. Did you find it harder to bond with the second? I love her, of course, and do everything a good mommy should do but I am not feeling the total, crushing, take your breath away, crying-because-the-baby-will-grow-up feelings that I felt with Erik. Does this just mean I’m wiser and know that she’ll be much more exciting when she’s older or am I having an emotional problem? I don’t know. I feel a lot happier than I did when I had Erik, even though I felt more bonded with him. I am not full of anger and working through all sorts of self-worth issues that come along with quitting my job to be a stay-at-home-mom.

One month in and I still don’t think Elsa is the right name for her. Everyone else thinks I’m crazy, but I can’t help my thoughts and feelings.

Sooooo. . . what else?

Erik graduated from his minnow class and is ready to be a turtle. I haven’t been to his swim class in several weeks so I guess he must have made a whole lot of progress in my absence.

My mom wants me to send him to her for the summer. I think she really thought I would agree to such a plan. And I would if I thought her house was a safe environment for him, but no child needs needs to be around a bunch of drunks. She says she would take him to a daycare when she goes to work, but I can’t trust the safety of the house even when she is there. The drunk neighbors are in and out all the time. My sister has been dragging her low-life friends around again. No one watches the kids when they play outside and there is all kinds of dangerous junk every where. I can’t believe my mom thinks I would send Erik there. I guess she doesn’t realize just how dysfunctional their lifestyle is when viewed through the lens of peaceful and normal (aka no alcohol or drugs).

I guess I better wrap this up pretty quick. I’m feeling a lot better and am almost healed, I think. I can bend over and clean! Who would have thought it could be exciting to spray down the powder room and scrub the floors and walls? Despite my request that my housekeeper, mom and Mike give the room that type of treatment it never got done. I guess none of them understand that is the only way to get rid of the male urine smell. One of these days the child will learn to pee in the pot, not all over my walls, right?

I did have a weird thing happen last night. I was freezing and finally figured out it must be a fever when I was sitting around in a fleece pull over and socks while Mike was in a plain t-shirt. The man is always freezing. Anyway, I had a fever on and off all night, but have been fine today. I am slightly worried, but not sure what I am worried about. Another infection? Mastisis? UTI? The flu? Who knows! I am feeling a little feverish again tonight, but nothing like last night. I guess I better call a doctor tomorrow if I am still feeling feverish. I really don’t want to take another round of antibiotics.

*For new readers: My mom is not an alcoholic. She’s just an enabler. My dad, all his friends, my sister, and her husband are all alcoholics. Her husband is a druggie, too. My dad has a nightly party and since he is so crippled he can’t walk the party comes to him–a random assortment of drunk neighbors and friends. Not a good place for a four year old.