The Queen's Rambles

1) I’m glad I feel safe in our neighborhood. Elsa and I took a stroll around the perimeter at 11:30 last night. Anything to stop a screaming baby, right? I just kept repeating to myself “At least she’s not Erik, at least she’s not Erik.” Let’s all hope she doesn’t develop into an Erik: screaming for hours on end for no discernible reason.

2) Speaking of Erik. Grrrrrr. That child is lucky you can’t give kids away on freecyle. He would NOT listen to a word I said yesterday. My friend gave us a giant houseplant and he’s totally decimated the leaves. He picks at them constantly. Yesterday I told him if he touched the plant one more time I was going to spank his butt. We aren’t spankers, but OH MY GOD. So what did he do? Reached out and touched it. Guess who got his butt spanked? Guess who cried? Guess who felt like shit afterwards? Guess what was given away on freecycle?*

3) I wonder if my sister just received a death threat. The phone just rang. Unavailable name and number. I know Mike is working with Spain right now, so I picked up the phone just in case Spain was calling. Or a person in Spain. I don’t think a country knows how to dial the phone. Anyway, I was patient when there was no person right away. Finally I hear a guy saying “Lexie? Lexie?” Then there was the Pac-Man died little music sound. Lexie is my sister. Why would someone call here for her and then play the Pac-Man death music? I would assume it was some sort of credit collector, but do they make arcade death threats?

4) I used to be so confused when this old lady (the youth pastor’s wife. She was probably not even 30) would say that as you get older you don’t have to wash your hair as often. She always said her hair looked better a couple of days after a shower. I couldn’t imagine. Guess what? My hair looks a lot better before I shower. Doesn’t stop me from actually showering because I can’t stand the greasy feel. I don’t drink coffee so depend on a shower to wake me up. Still. Weird. I guess I’m an old lady. Ha.

5) My budget is going to be busted before I even buy myself a single thing. I ordered my sister’s three kids their birthday gifts. They all got Pillow Pets, chosen by Erik. We have a birthday party this weekend for a set of twins. We have a birthday party next weekend for a three sibling set, then we have a party the next weekend, but just for one little girl. That makes nine presents! We are only friends with one of the kids in the three sibling set. How rude would it be to just buy a gift for the kid we know and not his older sisters? I wish I knew if they had pierced ears. I’d get them earrings from that “free” silver jewelery place. Maybe I’ll get them each a necklace from there. I would skip it, but Erik knows about it and is super excited. The joys of having a social child are endless.

6) Speaking of social, apparently I am popular. And you know what happens to popular people? The unpopular people talk about them behind their backs and say really catty things to their faces. Ha! After Elsa was born I decided I can only work on making four people happy, Elsa, Erik, Mike and me. I’m not even all that successful at that. If anyone else wants anything from me they are going to have to pray it’s something that makes one of the four of us happy. Otherwise I don’t have the energy to care and anything you say to try to make me care is just going to make me laugh. I don’t even have the energy to get mad.

Anyway, now that I have been vivacious** for a couple of years I have lots of friends and everyone thinks I am vivacious. A couple of the less vivacious people have been stepping up the snotty levels lately, making really snide comments about how my events are always well attended and everyone always wants to do things for me. After being a wallflower for most my life, I find the whole thing hilarious and slightly unsettling. I’m popular enough to have people bitching about me? I have arrived! I guess I should have my feelings hurt, but it is all so ridiculous that I can’t quite bring myself to care.

7) I really should be cleaning my house right now. So much to be done! So little time! I needed to get a few things off my mind first. I miss my journal therapy.

8) I hate GoodMama Ones diapers. Hate! They are insanely popular, so I thought that meant they would be insanely good. I stupidly bought too many of them, working under the assumption I would like them. I wouldn’t be pissed if I didn’t like them. Them’s the breaks, right? I’m pissed because over half of them are defective. As in, do not function. Some of the have snaps that won’t snap and others aren’t water proof. As in, you put water in them and they leak right out of the cloth. They all leak pretty badly out of the sides, but I guess that’s not exactly defective. I have been in contact with them and I’m supposed to mail in the defective ones for repair, but I’m pissed about that. I have to pay return shipping on insanely overpriced DEFECTIVE items? I want my money back, but so far that doesn’t seem to be an option. I will keep on top of it and keep being a thorn in their side. I really wish I would have dug a little deeper in the reviews before I purchased them. Stupid newbie mistake. I don’t get why cute prints make a diaper so popular anyway. Even if the prints are cute, I’m not one for just having the baby in a diaper. I prefer onsies for an infant since t-shirts just crawl up their armpits.

*The plant. Not the kid. Not quite.
**My 2008 New Year’s Resolution was to Be Vivacious. It was really hard at first, but I pretended I was outgoing and popular and eventually I became outgoing and popular and my life has improved tremendously.