The Queen's Rambles

I am keenly feeling my computer absence. I sat down to write an entry no less than three times yesterday and guess what happened? There was some little baby person that kept crying and wanting to suck on my boobie.

I’m so couth. Is that the opposite of uncouth?

And I wonder why my son walks around talking about boobies all the time. As in “Mommy, can I touch your boobie?” Don’t worry. The answer to that is always no, even when he says “Just the white part, I promise!”

He’s always been a boob man.

Elsa turned three months yesterday, which is why I am no longer having much me time. She’s awake a lot during the day now and won’t just sleep through Armageddon like she’d been doing. And believe me, every day is Armageddon in my house. Now she wants to sleep on top of me, which I’ve been discouraging. I don’t want to get into that trap, but when I look at her sweet, red eyes I know I have to facilitate a nap in what ever way I can.

Oddly enough, she takes her best nap when we are out and about in places with a constant roar of noise. She slept the whole time we were out on a mall excursion yesterday.

Oh. Dear. God.

The mall.

*shudder*

You know how little girls can go to Target and choose from a selection of gaudy, tacky, absolutely-beautiful-to-a-preschooler princess dress? Yeah. Boys can’t go to Target and choose from a collection of deadly, destructive, brown cosutmes. I guess they can at Halloween but I’m never that on top of it.

Erik is beyond obsessed with Indiana Jones and is already planning his Halloween costume. Mainly, it involves a whip. He thinks he’s going to be swinging from cliffs and grabbing girls and kissing them if he gets a whip. Little does he know he will get his whip and he will have it ONE DAY ONLY. I do not need a four year old with a six foot whip. He’ll either kill himself or I’ll kill him.

Anyway, I looked online and found a slightly expensive, super cheap looking Indiana Jones costume. I hate acetate. I decided that if I am going to go to the trouble to get him a costume that he is going to want to wear every day it’s going to be an actual, wearable every day kind of costume. I have an order in for two safari shirts that should arrive in a few days. We found a hat in Gymboree. The only thing we lacked (other than the whip) was a satchel.

How hard can it be to find a little brown bag that a little boy can carry around as his very own man-purse?

I suppose it wouldn’t have been that hard if I would have started at JCPenny’s, the store we entered in. I didn’t even think of their handbag department and started looking at children’s shops and handbag stores. Nice, plain handbags that would be fine were $100+. I love my son, but not that much. I thought we might be on to something in the $10 or less store, but it looked like there was a Bedazzler explosion in a Chinese sweatshop. Not exactly Indiana Jone’s style.

In the end we found the perfect $12 bag at Penny’s. I don’t know what a woman would ever do with it. It has a spot for sunglasses. If you had a very small cell phone you might be able to squeeze it in. Maybe a lipstick and a tampon? That would be all. There was no room for a wallet. It looks perfectly proportioned on Erik, don’t you agree?

And now Mike has left for work and the baby is crying. This is going to be a long ass day. I got almost no sleep. The baby finally went down at 12, then the fire alarm went off at 2 am. The good news? No doubt we will be able to hear it if there is ever a fire. The bad news? There was no fire (which is good news, actually) but we couldn’t get the alarm to stop unless we took it apart. If there is ever a fire at 2 am I don’t think we are going to be lucid enough to save ourselves. Anyway, after that I couldn’t sleep because I was convinced the house was about to burn down and we no longer had a fire alarm to tell us to get the hell out of the Dodge.