The Queen's Rambles

I have been trying so, so hard to be a calm, dignified, graceful mother. Laugh if you must. I am. I am hot tempered, irritable and gruff. It takes every ounce of effort to repeat to myself “you are graceful and dignified. There is no need to yell” at the end of the day when Erik has pushed every single button about one hundred million times. The child is a button pusher, let there be no doubt.

So last night Erik was having a crying fit about going to eat dinner instead of sitting and watching TV. I was dignified and graceful.

He was having a crying fit about going to bed. I was dignified and graceful.

He was having a crying fit about who knows what. I was dignified and graceful.

Elsa crawled over my majorly painful ingrown toenail and I yipped in pain. Erik laughed, then came over and pinched my toe as hard as he could (according to him it was only “as medium hard” as he could.)

The dignity and grace flew right out the window. I chased that boy down, yelled at him and pinched his toe.

Then I felt like a completely shitty mother when he started crying all over the place and wanted Mike to put him to bed.

These kids sure don’t make it easy to be calm and patient.

Poor Elsa is completely sick. She was up a lot last night with a croupy cough. She did a lot of crying, so I think she also has a sore throat.

I went out to the van to get something from the trunk and discovered the danged thing was dead as a doornail. I suddenly flashed to the day before when I turned on the overhead light so Erik could see to fasten his seat belt. AAA came this morning so it wasn’t a huge problem, but it did mean things were delayed and I never got a shower.

Mike and Erik just went down to a place called Glen Echo park to watch a live-action Rudolph play. I hope they have fun. I bought the tickets in July at a deep discount so it was a little nutty with the timing. Erik was supposed to go to karate graduation today but he’s been a bit sick and the van was dead so no karate for him. His teacher was going to be testing for his second degree black belt, which would have been fun to see, but also kind of boring.

Hopefully Elsa will start feeling a little better, I’ll get a shower, the van will be fine, the boys will get home and I can take off and get some Christmas stuff done! I have a lot of low-radar stress about finishing up Christmas stuff (stockings/menu/stuff for a party I’m going to tomorrow). I feel like I “should” go shopping during the week when Erik’s at school, but the reality is that Elsa sleeps during that time so it would be irresponsible of me to go at that time and interrupt her nap. I was planning on going Thursday b/c he had an extra hour of school, but with the snow and his cough we ended up not going to school. I just hate having things hanging over my head that need to be done and feeling paralyzed and unable to do them. I’ve done the vast majority of my Christmas shopping online this year, but there are just some things you need to pick up at the store, you know?

Ok. Elsa’s happy. Maybe I can stick her in her crib and grab a shower. Now that I’ve used this space as my therapy I’m feeling a lot lighter of spirit and able to handle the day. I really miss writing here daily. I need this therapy.