The Queen's Rambles

I was so pissed last night that I almost ran away from home. Where I would have went on a night windy enough to fell an oak, I do not know. But I was angry and tired and ready to Be Done.

You all know I have Princess and the Pea issues. One little piece of dirt or a single crumb will ruin my night’s sleep. Food is not allowed in my bed. Ever. No exceptions (except breast milk, but that’s not crumby).

I guess Erik didn’t get the message since it has never come up. We don’t really go upstairs to the bedrooms during the day except to change diapers or put away laundry.

He had a little friend come over and the little friend loves to hang out in my closet. He pretends it’s an elevator. Not my favorite game, obviously, but whatever.

Yesterday the kids told me they were playing in Erik’s room. I SHOULD have been more vigilant. I SHOULD have went to see what they were doing. I SHOULD have made them sit at the table with their graham crackers (I told them to sit at the table, but they snuck around and up the stairs when I was attending to Elsa.)

You see where this is leading.

They had a graham cracker party in my bleepity-bleeping bed! And since I’m a lazy person who never, ever, not once in the past 10 years, makes my bed that meant there were graham cracker crumbs IN MY BED.

Guess who was cussing and crying and carrying on around midnight last night?

I woke Elsa up, pissed Mike off and still couldn’t sleep. Finally Mike said he’d get Erik and make Erik sleep with him if I took Elsa into Erik’s bed. So we did a switch off of beds.

This would have been all fine and good, except Elsa was awake and a new bed? Wheeeee! Glow in the dark planets hanging from the ceiling! Wheeeeee! A wall! Double-wheeeeee! So much fun!

A wakey-baby and a supremely pissed off mommy don’t go well together. Thank the lords of Kobol she is a happy baby or I don’t know what we would have done. I tried all my tricks for getting her to sleep, but nothing was working. I even tried to hold her down in a vice grip like we used to do with Erik. She was not a fan and actually cried for three whole seconds (I’m so lucky she’s not a crier). I finally gave in to the inevitable and we stayed up until 1:30 in the bleepity-bleeping morning.

There is a silver lining to this sleepless cloud.

I slept and slept hard for the first time in months. I didn’t have a single nasal issue all night and my back was feeling pretty good when I woke up. The bed in there is about a million times more comfortable than our bed and apparently the room is missing whatever allergen sends my nose in a frenzy every night around 3 am. I have three theories on that:

1) All the craft stuff in my room is making it really dusty and causing problems. Fabric seems to attract a lot of dust.

2) Our room is a lot bigger, thus our humidifier is not as effective as the humidifier in Erik’s room.

3) Erik’s houseplant is doing what it is supposed to do and filtering the air in his room. I bought houseplants for both bedrooms back in September but the one meant for our room is still in the dining room. I should remedy that tonight. Did I mention I’m lazy? Also, I fear our room is so dark that it will kill the plan.

So that was a wonderful night. I hope tonight is better.

Oh, and guess what else went wrong. Aren’t I just the picture of sunshine? I know what’s wrong with me. I just keep telling myself “things will get better in a couple of years. Wait till Elsa is three. Things will get better.”

So what went wrong?

I burned the ever-loving hey-tang out of my tongue. Erik really wanted Valentine cupcakes, so I used some heart thingees and made cupcakes. I hate buttercream and don’t know why people like it, except on sugar cookies were it belongs. It does not belong on cake. Except every other person in the world disagrees and I am left flailing around the internet trying to find a recipe for my grandma’s icing, the only real cake icing (I will accept ganache): seven minute frosting. I’ve tried many, but few have been the right thing. I finally found a great one yesterday and put it up on my sad little cooking blog so I can remember it.

It’s simple, just time consuming. You beat egg whites. You cook up a simple syrup to firm ball stage. You pour the syrup into the egg whites and beat until stiff peaks form. YUM YUM YUM. And hey! No fat.

I made the frosting, threw the scraper into the empty cook pot, frosted the cupcakes, then saw the scraper had some frosting on it. I did what every frosting loving freak does and licked the frosting off.

Only the scraper had been in a pot that was used to boil sugar and water up to 242F. I guess it didn’t cool down. I thought I was going to have to go to the ER because what on earth do you do about a burnt tongue?

I guess tongues kind of self-protect because it stopped hurting like ten thousand hell cats were sitting in my mouth and started hurting like . . . I don’t know. Something less intense. Today my tongue is really rough and hurty and I still can’t believe I licked such a hot scraper thing. I’m glad Erik wasn’t around, begging to lick things.

Ok, gotta go see if my soup is done cooking. I’m supposed to go to a board meeting tonight but I haven’t been feeling that great so I think I’m going to skip it.