The Queen's Rambles

My sister called at 1:30 in the morning to tell me that my dad was doing really poorly and not expected to make it. I feel bad for her. I really do. I just wish she would have listened to my mom and not called me at that hour. There is absolutely nothing I can do from here. I guess in the old days I could have stayed awake and prayed all night, but I think the net result would be the same no matter how strong my faith was. An unsaved alcoholic with a body shutting down is not likely to get a miracle.

That’s basically what’s happening. His whole system is shutting down. No kidney function, no liver function. Heart at 30%. Lungs full of crud. I talked to my mom this morning and they didn’t think he would make it through the day.

I called a few minutes ago and my my was having lunch. My dad’s friend was there, trying to convert him to Christianity. I can understand that. If you really believe in it, you really believe in it. Of course you don’t want your friends or family to roast in hell for all eternity.

My dad has some kind of breathing machine on that made it hard for him to talk, but I tried talking anyway. I have no idea what to say. He is scared, as anyone would be, but what can I say? I just don’t know. It was awkward. I tried talking about the kids, because I thought that would interest him the most.

Mike was at some big space meeting thing where he had to wear a suit and listen to the governor give a speech. I have been unable to plan since I really need to coordinate with him. He can take some time off, but not two weeks. I think we will all go as a family and just stay a shorter amount of time. I want to be there for my mom and my sister, but I just can’t do the travel with the two kids alone. My back is so bad it just isn’t possible.

My sister was really angry at me for not hopping the first plane out and didn’t want to hear my excuses. Her solution was to have a friend come out with me to help with the kids. Because we all have friends who can drop their lives and be our personal nannies for a couple of weeks? I don’t know about you, but as a *cringe*late*cringe*thirty-something I don’t have friends that can drop everything and fly out on a plane for a couple of weeks. My friends have small children or careers. They aren’t going to be using their vacation time to take care of me and my kids. I guess when all your friends are drug dealers or party animals on welfare, they have more flexibility in their schedule.

Facebook is going to be helpful, I think. I already had two leads on babysitters in Klamath so I won’t have to depend on my sister’s drug addled people to take care of Erik during the funeral. I have friends with vast connections so the Mormon church. Those Mormon kids are generally pretty good people that you can trust with a 5 year old. If that falls through, I have another more distant friend getting reccs from a teacher at a Christian school. I guess some people take their kids to funerals, but I’m not really comfortable doing that. I suppose Elsa will have to go because she has such stranger anxiety, but Erik will be much better off some place else.

And I guess I better go now because I smell something rank, which tells me life goes on. Diapers need a’changin’.