The Queen's Rambles

First off, thank you all so much. You are all wonderful, insightful and supportive. I want to give a special shout out to my queen of ramble readers since the blog refuses to e-mail me comments so I can’t e-mail anyone back. THANK YOU.

Lest you think I am a paragon of cool, calm and self-control, I’ll tell you that I lost my shit on my sister yesterday. After her little 6 am make-up stunt we had a horrible morning. Elsa was whining and biting and biting and whining. I was exhausted. I was done.

My sister showed up about 10 with the plan of dumping her youngest son off with me (miracle of miracles, she actually sent her two older kids to school). I got in her face and we had words. I asked her why in the bleepity-bleep she would ever think it’s ok to wake some one up at 6 am to do her make-up. I told her I didn’t know how she had custody of her children and gave examples of the unbelievable shit she pulls. I raged.

Then she said she was leaving and I said “OH NO YOU ARE NOT.” I made her stay and watch Erik while Elsa and I took a two hour nap. She was chomping at the bit, because two hours of staying in one place is hell to her.

Do you think any of that went through her thick skull? Absolutely not.

Today she showed up with the kids at the hospital. Laynee had on a pair of Lexie’s high heels and the youngest only had one shoe. Then she wanted to leave them in the garden with me while she went up stairs. Do you think I want to be seen with a bunch of rag-a-muffin kids and have people think I am too lazy/stupid/ignorant to make my kids wear shoes?

My dad is doing very, very, very poorly today. I thought he was going to slip from this world while we were up there, but he is still hanging on. They are removing all the life support type stuff from him and will be moving him out of ICU (old timers, I keep typing ICQ) if they think he can make the transition. I want to change my tickets to stay another week, but my mom has absolutely forbid it. I want to be a support for her through the funeral, but my dad’s brother has really stepped up to the plate and is doing a lot of the planning with her. As long as she doesn’t have to fight off my sister and has the support of my uncle she can probably do it without me. I just feel guilty, but I don’t want to be here. My family needs to go home. I don’t know how much a ticket change would cost. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I am being selfish by going home right when things are getting even worse. Surely he can’t make it two more days. But what if he keeps making it and making it and we end up out here all summer?

I can’t be here all summer. It would turn me into a horrible person.

Honestly, I don’t ever plan on coming out here again. With my dad and grandma gone, I don’t feel like there’s anyone that needs to see the kids. I know Erik loves his cousin, but it just makes me sad to see them. Every year will just get worse.