Yesterday was just a clusterf— of unhappiness. After Erik and I had a raging fight (isn’t he too young for that?) we made up, but I was still very unhappy with him and his behavior. Since I am a 37 year old adult and he is a 5 year old child, I decided not to hold a grudge (I’m sweet like that) and to try to put the anger and pain behind me. It was difficult and I found my eyes leaking in frustration and sadness many times throughout the day.
At one point I let him play his !#$%$@#@ video game (the root of all evil) and told him Elsa and I were going outside to the park. You can see the house from the park so it was not like I was abandoning him. I very specifically told him where we would be and invited him along, but there were no other kids out and he wasn’t interested.
Cue the drama.
About 30 minutes later I see Erik walking down the street with my neighbor/babysitter’s mom. She has not ever really taken an interest in him so this was weird, but I just thought he was coming to join us so I waved and went back to helping Elsa climb up the ladder, go down the slide times infinity.
Turns out Erik wasn’t listening to me (surprise surprise) or didn’t remember, so he freaked out when he needed help with his game and he couldn’t find me. He thought a troll ate me, so he came outside and happened to see this neighbor getting out of her car and told her that I disappeared and he needed help.
I am glad he knows how to seek help, but my god was that embarrassing. And scary for him, I know. He sincerely believed a troll had come into the house and taken the rest of the family away.
So I feel like a total crap mom for that. I knew I shouldn’t leave him, even though I told him where we were going. I didn’t expect him to emerge from his video game coma and I really needed to get away from him for awhile. At one point yesterday I was considering packing myself and Elsa up in the van and taking off to points unknown. I would have dropped Erik with a neighbor. No worries.
I feel so guilty for thinking all these things about him. I love him intensely but he is just a difficult child. He’s stubborn and demanding, always in my face. The last two mornings Elsa and I haven’t had a single bit of drama. I don’t think I’ve ever gone 4 hours alone with Erik without some sort of tantrum/meltdown/contest of wills. Different kids, I guess. Different personalities.
Today when I was picking him up from camp today the director came over and said “Erik’s so funny. All day long he just kept saying he was going to go home and play a video game.” There was a dad standing there who decided it was his job to get all judgey in my face.
I have had very few mommy drive-bys. I’ve had old ladies ask about the lack of shoes or socks. I’ve had old men make lame ass remarks. I’ve never had another in-the-trenches parent really remark on my parenting.
This guy was hard core. “My kid is only allowed to play video games for one hour A WEEK. A WEEK! There is no reason for a child to play a video game.” Blah blah blah. I don’t know why I even engaged, but I said something about how when it is hot out he needs to have something to do. We have heat advisories here telling us not to send our kids outside. His response: That’s when you get out the sprinklers.
Ugh. Just ugh.
Like I really needed to hear all that crap from some random guy who probably isn’t even home with his kids all day anyway.
I DO limit Erik’s video gaming time. Last week we had no screen time from after breakfast to after dinner. This week he has camp, so when he comes home it is fine with me if he plays for awhile. Doesn’t every one need to de-stress and just sit down and relax sometimes? The kid plays outside for hours at a time. He is not lacking physically activity. He is just especially obsessed this week because he used his money to buy Batman Lego.
Are our children not allowed to foster their own interests? I know video games are not ideal, but what is ideal? Battling with light sabers? Having BeyBlade battles? At least these Lego games require a lot of logical thinking and problem solving.
Anyway, guess I better go. I have a ton of stuff to do. I told my mom I would write any thank-you notes that need to be written and she just sent me the address list. She is having me send notes to everyone who signed the guest book, sent a card and/or visited at the hospital. I have never heard of getting a thank you note for sending a card or attending a funeral, but if that’s what she wants me to do that is what I will do. I know she really does want to thank people because she just couldn’t believe how many people showed up. I have my job cut out for me.