The Queen's Rambles

Day 4 – What has most surprised you about being an adult? What have you learned about yourself through blogging?

Read more: 31 Days of Blog Juice at Creating Motherhood Summer Camp

When I was a kid I had the standard fantasy of being rich, living in a fancy house, having a nice husband and all that. I never really understood how any of that worked. I never knew anyone who had the type of job that allowed them to be rich, which meant no fancy house. I never knew a nice husband, so I really didn’t understand that.

Even though I had fantasies, I knew the reality was simple. I would find a job, work hard, and live all alone. I hoped I would have enough money to keep afloat. I might have a dog. I would absolutely NOT have a cat because I wasn’t going to be a crazy cat lady*. I would never marry. There would be no reason to marry. Men were alcoholics who expected the women to do everything around the house. They might be able to provide money, but money was not nearly as important as my freedom. No way was I going to be taking care of a drunk and his children.

Besides, who would ever love me? The marriage point was moot, even if I did have Harlequin romance fantasies.

So I suppose you could say Mike has been the most surprising thing of my adult life. Mike, and other men like him. Most of my good friends, both in person and in blog-land, have excellent husbands who help around the house, take an active part in child rearing, love their families and are not raging alcoholics. Who knew?

And one of these excellent men loves me. Who knew?

What have I learned about myself through blogging?

I’ve learned so much, but I don’t know how much of it is through blogging and how much of it is just growing up. I’m coming up on my ten year blog-a-versary in September. Ten years. Diaz. Tio. Ten.

When I started this blog I had just moved to Sweden sight unseen to live with Mike. I didn’t even know what a blog was. In fact, it wasn’t a blog. It was an online diary. Shortly after someone termed the phrase weblog. I’ve lived in two countries and three states since then. I’ve gotten married, had a miscarriage, had two children, lost my grandma and father, and had several jobs since then. I was bound to discover something about myself.

Of course writing every stray thought and receiving feedback from a diverse group of people would have to lead to some sort of enlightenment, too.

I learned that I’m funny. Other people appreciate my jokes and my point of view. Other people think I am worth knowing and being around. I don’t have to hide everything. I’ve always been a big hider of things. People are just people. We are all insecure.

Without blogging, I never would have been able to change my life.

In 2008 my New Year’s Resolution was simple: Be Vivacious.

I’ve been shy all my life, but I decided I was going to bring my online persona into the real world and make friends. I was desperate for friends. I had several acquaintances who were a bad fit. Nothing against them, but they just weren’t kindred spirits. I needed real friends.

I about died inside, but I started striking up conversations with strangers. I started sending out e-mails. I initiated events. I made plans. I talked.

It was so scary at first, but it soon became second nature. Years of blogging and years of watching students interact had taught me that the only difference between a popular person and a non-popular person is that a popular person acts popular (not counting really weird people. We all know those types and I hope I’m not one of them. They somehow miss social cues, but still keep talking.).

Now I’m the president of my MOMS Club (not that it was a tough competition. I was the only sucker.) I have several really good friends, I am scheduled so tightly with meeting people I want to see that I barely have time to fit it all in. I never imagined life could be like this, but I’m enjoying it.

I’ve scaled way back on the vivaciousness because I’m tired. Really tired. Once Elsa isn’t keeping me awake so much I hope I will get with the program. It’s hard to be cheerful and friendly and full of fun when you just want to sleep.

*I didn’t know about my cat allergy until I was in my 20s because my grandma had a cat phobia.