Summer Camp: Day 9
What is the most important lesson you learned from your own mother (or other primary caretaker)? What do you imagine the name of your Grandmother’s blog would be and what would she write about?
Read more: 31 Days of Blog Juice at Creating Motherhood
This is a tough one. I was always a self-learning. My mom did not have a life that I wanted. She stayed in an abusive marriage for years. She couldn’t control her own daughter. She hated talking on the phone and taught us that people don’t want to be bothered. That, in particular, was a trait that I am still working on getting rid of. People do want to be bothered if they like you and you have a fun idea.
I am not meaning to be down on her. I love my mom, and she did a good job with what she had but she didn’t have many resources and she was the queen of bad decisions.
She did teach me the value of hard work. I knew I wasn’t going to get anywhere in life if I didn’t apply myself and work my ass off. Nothing would be handed to me.
In a way, she also taught me not to take any shit off anyone. I looked at the way she lived her life and decided I didn’t want to be a doormat.
She also took great care to always tell me that I was smart and could accomplish anything. I didn’t always believe that I could accomplish anything, but I always believed I could at least take care of myself.
When I was miserable in my teaching job, she was the one who told me that there were other jobs out there. She gave me the courage to decide that I could make a new life plan; that I didn’t have to be miserable just because I wasted four years becoming a teacher. I was going to quit and try to get a government job or a job at an office. Anything would have been better than teaching.
Of course, that plan changed when I met Mike and moved to Sweden as a kept woman. I don’t think my mom was too pleased with that plan.
Now for the fun part: what would my grandma has blogged about?
Her blog probably would have been called “Two Inches.” Every single day of her life she lamented her height. If she had just been two inches taller she could have been a movie star or a secretary. She was OBSESSED.
She was probably the most negative, self-conscious person I’ve ever met. It’s no wonder my mom was so messed up. She didn’t have a chance with my grandma’s constant critiques running through her head. My grandma was such a perfectionist that she couldn’t enjoy a moment of life. My mom once was whipped for wearing her day of the week underwear on the wrong day.
My grandma never would have blogged. She did not value education, writing or reading. She would have seen blogging as a colossal waste of time. All of us bloggers would have been lazy, no-good sods. She used to vacuum every room of her house every single day. She didn’t have any pets or children at home. There was no dirt. But she was not lazy, so vacuuming had to be done.
I have no idea what my paternal grandma was like. She died in childbirth with my dad and his twin. The twin also died. She had 8 children, the first couple out of wedlock. She was married to a mentally ill alcoholic. I can only guess that her life was pretty miserable.
My biggest worry for my children is that they will inherit the mental illness that runs in my dad’s family. My sister clearly has issues. Every time I see my kids do something that reminds me of my sister I worry.
I sound really down on my family, don’t I? They are just so dysfunctional.
I do have good family! My grandma’s youngest brother and his wife took care of me when I went to college. They lived a couple hours from my school so I would go visit them on vacations. They really loved each other and had a very functional life. There was no alcohol, no drugs. There was only happiness and laughter. They are the ones who showed me what a happy marriage could look like. I will always thank them for giving me a taste of normal and a refuge from my immediate family. When I was done with college I wanted to live with them instead of moving back to OR, but it didn’t seem like a real possibility.
I guess that’s a tangent, eh? That’s why I’m the Queen of Rambles.