The Queen's Rambles

You guys are probably wondering if I’m still alive.

I am.

Barely.

I have no idea how single parents do it. I love my kids with every fiber of my being, but if I had to do this alone full time I think I might have to drop them at the fire station. That safe haven law applies to five year olds, right?

Mike left around 5 am Tuesday and told me he would be back Friday night. I talked to him tonight–his plane lands at 11 pm. He still claims he’ll be home Friday night. I suppose 11:59 pm still counts on a technical level, but for my purposes he won’t be home until Saturday.

Tonight was beyond awful. I started my period on Tuesday. Excellent timing. I am the worst mother in the world when I’m on my period, so my poor kids have not been getting the best mommy. Erik is still having a tough time with the kindergarten transition so we’re just having a jolly old time screaming and yelling at each other. Tonight I completely lost it and was jumping up and down, yelling “I’m tired! Why can’t you understand I’m tired!” over and over again.

That Mother of the Year Award is on its way right now. It was traumatic. Yet the child still was naughty and refused to cooperate.

Plus Elsa was super, super tired tonight. She didn’t get much of a nap today b/c my perfectly planned day fell apart when she fell asleep in the car. Bah!

If I would have known she was going to be awake, I would have ran some errands during her regular naptime. Instead, we ended up going out after Erik got home, so I had super grouchy Elsa, super grouchy Mommy and super grouchy Erik to deal with. At least I did give him a snack first.

The whole afternoon was such a nightmare. It was an absolute deluge out there. We were all soaked to the core, but life still happens, you know? Can’t put off essential errands just because a river is pouring out of the sky. I’ve seen rain. I’ve lived on the Oregon coast. But I seriously don’t know if I’ve ever seen as much rain as I saw today.

Can I bitch any more?

Sure!

My back is hurting more than it’s hurt in months. It all comes down to the amount of time I spend packing around my giant baby. With no Mike in the picture, my back becomes so compressed that I want to scream in agony. Whoo-hoo!

At least the bed will be a little less crowded tonight. The last two nights Erik has been sleeping with us. He insists on having a giant body pillow next to him so he won’t roll off the bed, so between him, his pillow and Miss Sideways Sleeper, I end up with ten centimeters to call my own. Tonight he said my bad was really uncomfortable and he just wanted his own bed. Never thought I’d live to see the day that happened! It’s true! Non-sleepy babies do grow up into perfectly sleepy big boys! It gives me hope. Maybe I won’t have big, mean, toddler toes up my nose for the rest of my life.

How about some positives:

*Erik didn’t have a fit about kindergarten yesterday or today! (Much.)

*We blew off karate tonight and Erik didn’t even notice! There was just no way I could face it with a super cranky baby and a rainstorm that made Noah’s little flood incident look like scattered showers. I was scared Erik would freak, but he didn’t say a word.

*When I became president of MOMS Club in June I said my goal was to recruit new members. My goal is starting to happen. I’ve been working my ass off getting the word out (and so have a couple of other people) and things are finally starting to happen. We had two people sign up yesterday and I have six people who want to sign up. They were supposed to go to our open house tomorrow, but that’s been rescheduled (see above: Noah’s scattered rain showers). I know it doesn’t sound like much, but our club has been slowly dying for two years. We desperately need new members if we want the club to continue. I could live without it, but I think it is such a valuable resource for new moms that we owe it to the community to make an effort to keep it afloat. Our chapter was started back in the ’80s. That’s a long history; we don’t need to let it die by attrition. There are always new moms, if they can just find us.

*I’ve discovered that eating a breakfast I enjoy is probably saving me a lot of calories. I ate fresh fruit and yogurt all summer. It was ok, but not wonderful. I was always hungry and would find myself inhaling sugar all day long because I was never satisfied.

I’ve started having potatoes (I bake a potato, then shred it and brown it in a non-stick pan, so no fat) with poached eggs and it has made a HUGE difference. I am no longer hungry all day long. I don’t find myself craving sugar all day. I am not constantly raiding the freezer or other sugar stash. It may be more calories to start with, but it ends up being a lot less calories.

Plus, they are whole foods. I know exactly what I’m eating. Frankly, I have no idea what the hell yogurt even is. Everyone says it’s healthy, but I am not so sure. Probably if I was eating plain yogurt it would be ok, but that stuff is nasty. I eat flavored yogurt, so I know it’s highly sugared. I tried to ignore that fact since “yogurt is healthy” but it doesn’t compute. I just read an article the other day about how most breakfast foods aren’t healthy and I have to agree. But then again, do people really believe that most contemporary breakfast foods are healthy? Is there a soul in the universe who thinks Fruit Loops, donuts, Pop-Tarts, pancakes with syrup and things like that are good for you? I just wish I could get Erik to eat some potatoes and eggs. Elsa gobbles them up.

Ok, time for bed. I need some sleep if I am going to survive tomorrow. Maybe I’ll take a sleeping pill. I don’t want to re-live the screaming, yelling tantrum I threw tonight. My poor, poor Erik. He just loves his mommy and wants to have fun. Mommy is not in the mood for teasing and games after a full day of non-stop parenting. I want to slap myself.