The Queen's Rambles

I hate parenting in public, but so much of parenting DOES happen in public. I’ve gotten used to it over the years. I know longer give a shit what other parents think of me, which has made me a much, much better parent. I am not always trying to be perfect in the eyes of the world anymore. I am trying to do what is best for my children and my family and use the techniques that I have had success with.

But then there are times when the public parenting becomes so intense and there is such a crowd that I want an escape hatch. Push a button and suddenly find myself in a nice, warm bath with a fun book and no children in sight. Why don’t they make a button like that?

We had a MOMS Club potluck at a local park last night. They’ve been remodeling the park’s landscaping a bit, which is annoying. They used to have a big grass covered hill in front of the parking lot. The tore up the grass and put down mulch. They planted a bunch of little bushes which I assume will grow into big ground cover bushes. Apparently they do not want people on the hill.

Even after they did this I would let Erik climb up through the mulch. He’s a kid. Kids climb. It’s silly to walk all the way around to the end just to take the sidewalk.

Last night they had a split rail fence along the edge of the hill, giving a very clear “STAY OUT” vibe. Sure, it was just split rail. It would be very easy to climb over or under, but it is a social cue. I decided we should respect that.

As we’re leaving the park Erik announces that he’s going to climb under the fence and slide down the hill through the bushes. I tell him no. I suppose it would not have been the end of the world but it is obvious that you aren’t supposed to do it. And I said no. End of story.

He kept right on trucking, climbing under the fence. I can not stand defiance. It sets me off like nothing else.

There were three families I knew right behind me, two families I didn’t know, and a bunch of college students leaving a bbq. I wasn’t thinking of them at all during this, but they all got to witness a battle royale.

Me: If you go down that hill, you will go straight to bed when we get home.

Erik: I’m going down the hill.

Me, starting to yell: Get away from the fence. It means you are not allowed to go down the hill. Do you really want to go to bed before it’s even dark?

Erik, still planning on going down the hill: I’m going to break the fence! I hate the fence! I’m going down this hill!

Me, full out yelling because now I am pissed at his insubordination: Get away from the fence and come here right now.

Erik: NOOOOO! I’M BREAKING THE FENCE!

Me, more calmly because I just spotted a police car and know it will scare him: Look, Erik, there’s a police car. If you break the fence the police man will take you to jail for vandalism.

So I won the battle, but not without the threat of jail. Not sure how it would have played out if there wasn’t a police car sitting there.

One of the ladies behind me (a stranger) laughed and said “I was wondering if the policeman would come tell him to get off the fence.”

Whew. It’s tough work being a parent, especially when the child does not think he has to listen to a word you say.

The whole time we were getting in the car and all the way home he kept saying that he was going back to the park tomorrow with an axe and he was going to break the fence and chop up all the bushes. No policeman could stop him.

I asked how he was getting there and he told me “You’ll have to drive me mom. I’m only six, you know I can’t drive.”

It was exhausting. I seriously hope I can win the war. I can’t take many more battles like that.