The Queen's Rambles

Erik’s regular teacher returned on Monday. The difference in his behavior is marked. She is such a nice lady that I just don’t get it. I guess he doesn’t like nice.

Last night he finally told me that he can’t hear her and never knows when she calls his name, so maybe that’s the whole problem? I don’t know. I e-mailed her and asked her to sit him near her and to speak louder when she is talking to him. We’ll she if she writes some e-mail meant to sounds educational and agreeable while at the same time giving me a big, fat no.

His sub had been giving him math challenge homework, which was totally great. He would do the whole packet the day he got it, no complaints. He said they were the most fun things he’s done in Kindergarten.

His regular teacher did not continue with the math challenge work, which drives me nuts.

His weekly packet was partially reading/writing skills and partially completely below-his-level math. I’m not trying to brag, but when a kid can teach himself to multiply, filling in numbered blanks is about as boring as you can get. Example:

28, ____, 30, 31

We’d gotten through everything but one finally reading/writing assignment. He was complaining as soon as I said we needed to do it, but he sat with me and helped me read a story. Then it was time to write the characters, setting, problem and resolution.

Oh dear lord, the tantrum.

At one point I seriously thought we were going to have to take him to the ER for a sedative. Even when we said “never mind, let’s just skip this one if it makes you so sick” he couldn’t quit screaming and crying.

I don’t know if you are familiar with Ask Moxie, but she has the theory that some kids wind themselves up when they cry and they can’t stop. These children are not able to cry it out for sleep training. Other kids need to cry a little to wind down and then they go to sleep. Erik has always been the type that winds himself up if he starts crying, so I guess that hasn’t changed.

I guess at some point Mike told Erik that if he’d just do the homework he would take him fishing after school tomorrow.

That must have really sunk in because Erik was up at 6:30, wanting to finish his homework. Crazy child.

And guess how long it took to complete the page? Seven minutes. I timed it.

At least it’s done and we put the whole thing behind us.

I just finished reading Siblings Without Rivalry. I didn’t realize it was by the same people who wrote How to Talk so your Kids will Listen and Listen so your Kids Will Talk. Excellent books, both of them. I already do a lot of the things the book advocates since it is just an expansion on the How to Talk. . . idea, but I was so glad to read a few things. You don’t have to tell your kids that you love them the same! They don’t want to hear that anyway! Instead, you tell them “You are my very own Erik. [List all the ways that Erik is wonderful]. I would be miserable without you.” They don’t want to hear that you love them equally. They just want to hear that you love them uniquely.

It also talked about how to keep from putting kids in roles. I’m already guilty of this. Elsa is my shy, quiet, focused one. Erik is my loud, outgoing, friendly one. I need to stop thinking that way immediately, even if it is true.

I should know just as well as anyone how damaging putting a child into a role can be. I was the smart, responsible one and took my role seriously. I just wanted to be the pretty one, but that was not to be. My sister was the pretty one. I never had any fun because I thought I HAD to be responsible. It was so ingrained in me that I don’t really even know how to explain it. I never want to limit my kids in that way.

Anyway, if you haven’t read those books and you are a parent I recommend you do so immediately. Granted, I do love to read parenting books. These particular books really revolutionized my parenting and taught me that I don’t have to say no all the time. In fact, it’s better to say “I really wish we could go to Disneyland today” instead of “No, we can’t go to Disneyland today!” I never in a million years would have guessed that, but it truly makes for a happier home.

And now I have to go shower and get on with my day. I’m taking my box of hurricane food to the food bank this morning. I kept some of the stuff we might actually use, but the rest of it looks disgusting. What was I thinking when I was shopping last year? I guess I was thinking that gross food was better than no food.