The Queen's Rambles

I haven’t had a full physical in years because I’m afraid of the doctor. I’m not afraid of needles, blood, physical pain, being naked. I’m afraid they’ll tell me I’m fat and tell me I’m stupid and tell me if I would just eat less and exercise more that I wouldn’t be such a horrible, fat, lazy, ugly cow.

Yes, I’ve been traumatized by doctors in the past.

When I turned 38 in March I decided it was time to do something about my health. I don’t think I’m necessarily unhealthy, but I don’t know. I needed a physical to find out.

Today was the day and it went much better than I expected.

Even though the doctor was a very thin young lady, she did not berate or belittle me at all. It was a very positive experience. I asked her for an Adipex prescription and she said she would give it to me, but she wanted me to read a few things first. She also wanted me to know that 90% of her patients who went on it lost a lot of weight at first, but as soon as they stopped (and you must stop after 90 days), they gain all the weight right back PLUS some.

Though I am desperate, I am not that desperate. I know about rebounding and yo-yos. I don’t want to do that to myself.

She wants me to start weight watchers and I think I will. I need a controlled program. I need SOMETHING. I am so freakin’ depressed. I’ve been working at weight loss for the past four weeks and have managed to gain three pounds.

She also noted that it could be my thyroid but we won’t know until we get blood results back.

And she also said that people genetically have different body types and some people just have to work super hard their whole lives and will never achieve a really thin body. As long as my blood pressure, cholesterol and sugars look ok she is not overly concerned because she can tell that I exercise.

You could have knocked me over with a feather. A doctor not totally shaming me? I would have gone in a long time ago if I would have known such a thing was possible.

Also, the guy who took my blood was wonderful. He stuck the needle in so fast that I didn’t feel a thing. I was watching the whole time and didn’t even feel a prick. Elsa needs to have a blood draw so I wonder if he would be good for her. Except she hates men, so she would be screaming bloody murder before we even started. I need to call the ped and get another copy of her paperwork. Someone remind me to do that some day. She needs a lead test done because I marked down that she eats dirt. I know it is important to get it done, but I am dragging my heels because. . . well. . . blood draw. . . two year old. . . screaming bloody murder. You’d be dragging your heels, too.

It is hotter than hell out today. We are having an air quality alert so are supposed to stay inside, which is just fine with me. I’m glad I don’t have to feel guilty for not sitting outside in the head while Elsa digs around in the dirt. I hate this weather. I’m supposed to be having a little sprinkler party and guess what? Only day this week that it’s supposed to be cool(er) and rainy.

I did almost all of my grocery shopping at Target today. I don’t usually do that, but Mike stocked up on produce yesterday so there was really no reason not to get the cheaper prices. They were only missing one item–mango chutney. I must have mango chutney tonight. There’s no point in making curried Polynesian wraps without mango chutney sauce. Who wants to be my personal grocery delivery person? I guess I should wrap this entry up and run over to the store before Erik gets home.