Unhinged
I surprised myself yesterday and had a complete breakdown.
The trigger? An Ask Moxie post about fears for the school year.
Turns out I have a few. More than a few, actually. In some ways I feel like I completely failed Erik last year by not being more demanding. Why didn’t I become the squeaky wheel and make his teacher pay more attention to his needs? Especially when it became abundantly clear that she just didn’t like him as a person.
He has already informed me that he is not going back to school, that he hates school, that it’s a useless waste of his time.
No rising first grader should feel that way. I suppose it is not really a failure on my part. I could not control the teacher. I gave her plenty of ideas on ways to make Erik enjoy class more and she refused them all.
I dread another awful year. Every time I think about it I start crying. I want to have a conference with his new teacher right away and make a game plan for the year, but then I fear that I will be labelled as the crazy parent and he will be labelled a difficult kid and the year will be worse than ever. What is too much and what is too little? My normal meter is broken. In my family we were taught to shut up and take it because obviously we knew nothing and the people in authority knew everything. It is very hard to overcome that mentality.
I have one suggestion that I really want the teacher to hear, understand and act upon. Just one. I think it would make a world of difference in Erik’s attitude towards school. I don’t know how to make it happen and I am afraid that if I have a meeting and I’m met with resistance I will start sobbing or yelling and stomp out while screeching that I’m going to become a homeschooler and they’ll never see Erik again. That’s the kind of place I’m at with the whole school thing and you KNOW I do not want to be a homeschooler. I do not have the patience for it and in general I don’t think it would be the best course for Erik.
What I want? Something so simple I don’t understand why it can’t be implemented. Yet his kindergarten teacher refused to even consider the idea, so maybe I am way off base.
Generally when students finish their work they are asked to sit quietly and read a book. He HATES reading a book. He’ll do it, but he feels like it is a punishment. Mike and I are huge readers so this is very hurtful, but it is what it is.
I would like them to let him sit and do word problems. It’s still reading, but it has a math component and he is in seventh heaven when he gets to do story problems. He’s completed a few word problem books this summer and would love to do more.
I am happy to provide them. Obviously I would prefer if the school provided them since they have more resources, but I will buy as many damn story problem books as they want if they will just let this happen.
Up until last year I would always try to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt any time I heard a story like this. I would always point out the good things about public education. I’ve been a public school teacher. It’s no secret they are seriously overworked, underpaid and have a lot of rules to follow and roles to fill that take away from actual teaching.
I’m starting to hate public education. How is my child ever going to reach his potential, when he spends the vast majority of his school time waiting for his teacher to catch a few slower kids up to an acceptable standard? Great teachers can handle the various levels in the class and make learning meaningful for everyone, but how many great teachers are there?
Children who are ahead of the game were completely ignored in Erik’s class last year. I know people have been saying this for years, but I guess it didn’t hit me until I saw it happening to my own child. I kept thinking that everyone was exaggerating and trying to seek out more than their own special snowflake deserved, but no. Erik was lucky if he got to go to reading group once a week. Other kids were in reading group every day. So what was he doing while his teacher worked with small groups? Probably staring in the mirror (that’s all he did the day I was in for observation).
Anyway, I have to quit typing now. I have to quit thinking so negatively. I don’t know how to stop, though. A good teacher will make all the difference, but I won’t have any idea if he has a good teacher until much to late to do anything about it. I know nothing about any of the teachers, and even if I did we don’t find out class assignments until the Friday night before school starts.
bethany actually said,
August 15, 2012 @ 8:44 pm
I cannot IMAGINE why any good teacher—or even any halfway decent, horribly overworked teacher—would object to letting Erik do word problems instead of reading at least SOME of the time. Of course he has to read the same minimum of books that everyone in the class has to read; there’s no getting around that. But if he hates reading that much, forcing him to do it at this age is just going to make him hate it for years, if not forever.
I really think at least 90% of the problem last year had to be with his teacher. I’ve met Erik, and I know he’s high energy and stubborn, but I also know how smart he is, and how eager and excited he is to do things he loves, and he LOVES MATH. And it’s not like he was asking to do naked interpretive dance during his free time. He was asking to do math, which is one of the three Rs, for pete’s sake!
I might just be thinking like a crazy homeschooler here, but I think talking to the teacher about letting Erik do extra word problems whenever possible is a great idea. The worst she can do is say no, and then you will know to make an appointment to discuss moving Erik to another classroom.
Cc said,
August 15, 2012 @ 9:04 pm
I agree with Bethany.
I would go to the school this week and ask to speak with the teacher before class starts. Explain that you have concerns and you feel that meeting the teacher before school will help Eric and you transition into the new year. If its not possible go to school early and talk with the teacher before class.
Tell Eric that everyone has a teacher that makes school horrible sometimes, but not to give up.
Christine said,
August 15, 2012 @ 9:57 pm
Hi! I stumbled upon your post, and as a teacher I want to apologize for the experience your son had last year! I can assure you that from the what you described, your son was NOT in a typical kindergarten classroom. Speaking with your son’s teacher prior to the start of school won’t get you labeled as a “crazy parent”, especially is you preface it by saying that you son had a difficult year last year and has developed negative views of school.
I’m very surprised to hear that a kindergartener was directed to sit quietly and read a book. A well organized primary classroom will have learning centers for students to work in while the teacher is leading guided reading groups. Centers usually cover a variety of literacy topics and are designed to engage young children with short attention spans. When you meet with your son’s teacher, I would ask her what kind of literacy centers she has for her students. If she states that she doesn’t use centers or something equivalent, I would meet with the principal ASAP and ask about having him placed in another room.
In regards to the word problems – they sound like a great fit for your son and I am a true believer that parents know what is best for their children. However, many school systems require “time on task” related to the content area being taught. While solving word problems IS reading, the emphasis is on computation and mathematical thinking so it may not be considered a “time on task” activity. Be prepared to hear that your son needs to be working on a literacy activity during the language arts time.
I would recommend using your son’s love of math to help get him excited about school. You could talk to him about all of the exciting things he will learn in first grade. You could even sneak some reading in with math. The Grapes of Math is a GREAT book (at least in my opinion) that is full of math poems and riddles and targeted to a first/second grade audience. You could read and solve the problems together, and then write poems and riddles of your own! Here’s a link to the common core standards, they include all of the topics your son should learn in first grade math. http://www.corestandards.org/the-standards/mathematics/grade-1/operations-and-algebraic-thinking/
I’m sorry that I wrote a bit of a novel, I guess I had more to say on this topic than I though. Hopefully your son will have a wonderful teacher this year that will make him genuinely excited about learning!
Antropologa said,
August 15, 2012 @ 11:11 pm
I’m sorry you have this worry. I hope this year goes better. He seemed to do great with the sub last year so maybe he just needs a different teacher and he’ll be fine. My advice is don’t borrow trouble. Wait and see. Maybe it will be great. And if it isn’t great, you can swoop in very fast and have a handle on it.