The Queen's Rambles

This was by far one of the easiest, most successful parties I’ve thrown. Also the most expensive, but I guess that’s what happens when you get old and lazy and can’t tolerate the thought of wrangling hordes of three year olds. We have no parking at our townhouse and the weather is too iffy to plan an outdoor park party, so I throw money at the problem and hope for the best. I realize I am very lucky to be able to have this option.

Anyway!

The party was excellent. I had to do very, very little. I can’t seem to just accept happiness and harmony. A mom has to work for a party, so I decided to make cookie pops to give out as favors. I wanted to make 3s, but couldn’t find a 3 cookie cutter. I saw some flower cookie pop molds and some purple water cans so a plan was born. A horrible, awful, no-good plan*. The cookie pops tasted terrible (Wilton recipe, so no big shocker) and after hours of crying over the royal icing but finally getting the pops to look fairly decent, they all fell off their sticks. Grrrrrrrr! Never listen to Wilton. Never. I tried to take a bite of one of the ruined cookies and spit it right back out. I never spit out sweets, but this was horrid. I suppose I’m glad I didn’t get a chance to serve them.

I think I should take a cake decorating just to give me a foundation to be able to do things without so much pain. And of course Wilton is the standard cake decorating class around here. Bah.

Why can’t I stay on track?

Elsa and the kids had a blast at this party! Other than bringing the cupcakes and extras and decorating a small table to my satisfaction all I had to do was stand back and watch a grown man who probably needed Ritalin entertain 14 children (with the help of a much calmer young woman). The girls at MyGym do a great job, but they don’t have nearly the energy as the males. The guys go completely wild and the kids LOVE it. I bet they go home completely exhausted.

You can have up to 20 kids at the party (or pay for even more), but I am not a fan of the whole “invite the whole class” idea. We invite friends. In Elsa’s case we invited family friends, which meant a total of 7 families and 14 kids. I personally would not want to wrangle that many kids, but the gym is big enough to handle it and almost everyone was happy the whole time. It didn’t feel overcrowded at all.

/

It was totally delightful to watch Elsa open her presents. She spent a lot of time with each gift and loved everything. She got a play mixer and a mermaid in the same package and spent a lot of time trying to mix up her mermaid. She also got a Melissa and Doug Pizza and a M&D Birthday Cake. She has literally spent hours playing with those two toys. She got a play tent that she’s been using as her coloring hang-out. She put her markers and paper in there and goes in to color.

I know you shouldn’t compare kids, but it is inevitable. It is just such a difference experience to parent these two opposite children. Erik usually won’t even take his new toys out of the box unless it happens to be something very specific that he wants. Generally his toys get put away on a shelf and re-wrapped for other birthday parties. And he doesn’t care. It’s bizarre.

How did my little baby get to be such a big girl? Look at those long legs and sparkling eyes!

She is such a girl, now! A fierce, determined, sweet, sensitive, violent little girl! Full of energy, joy, frustration, and unbridled enthusiasm for her mom, dad and bro-bro. Her favorite thing to do is run full speed ahead and jump on us, which usually knocks us over if we are not well braced. She and her brother have established the “Fighting Club,” which seems to involve knocking each other over on the couch.

I was so worried about having a second child. No child could possibly give me as much joy as my first! I would be ruining Erik’s life! This second child would be an interloper that we shunned in the corner.

What fools we mortals be.

Of course we all love her and delight in her silliness. Erik is a wonderful big brother and they love each other intensely, even if they do fight sometimes. I’m sure only children are just fine, but having a sibling is a pretty quick way to learn that you are not the center of the universe. A harsh lesson, but a necessary one.

I don’t know how I ever imagined that our family was complete without our Elsa.

*The intent was to put the cookie pops into the watering cans as little bouquets. I even bought floral foam! Instead, I ended up using Little Debbie butterflies, which were not nearly as cute as my intent.

I was reading a blog post the other day by a mom who is dealing with a three year old. Most of us know that Three is one of the worst ages–the Terrible Twos are a breeze in comparison but no one tells you that until you are in the trenches, sobbing because your sweet baby just kicked you in the teeth (literally and figuratively). I don’t know the blogger that well, but I posted some words of encouragement and tried to let her know that even though it felt like he was a wild hooligan now, someday he would grow up and be the great person that she’s raising him to be. I referenced Erik and how at Three I was convinced he was going to grow up to be some kind of violent psychopath, but now he is a sweet, responsible kid who makes crepes for breakfast!

I should learn not to brag like that. Truly, I wasn’t trying to brag. I was trying to help her see the light at the end of the tunnel. Karma didn’t care, though. Karma is kicking my ass.

He really has been so mature and helpful and just an all-around-great kid. We haven’t had any big problems with him lately. I thought we were good until the teen years. Foolish, foolish me. He turned 7 1/2 this week and you know what that means? The big, ugly six month craziness had to happen.

He was supposed to go to the first day of spring science class after school yesterday. His science teacher called me to let me know he forgot about it and was on the bus instead. I figured he wasn’t paying attention and that it was an honest mistake.

Oh lord.

If only.

When Erik got home he told me he didn’t hear them call science so he didn’t want to stay if there wasn’t science. A few months ago he stayed when they called fifth grade science and I had to go pick him up, so I could understand his hesitation. I was pretty confused, though. We had talked about science class starting today. He had an extra snack in his lunch box. His friends are in the science class. He should have known it was happening. I questioned him pretty thoroughly and his story was not making a whole lot of sense. He’s 7, though. His stories are often mixed up.

About three minutes after that conversation I got a panicked text from his classroom teacher asking me if I was home and if I would contact her as soon as possible because Erik ran away from the school. I don’t know why she didn’t just call, but whatever.

I called her back and found out the real story and the real reason his story made no sense.

School was over and different dismissals were being called. Erik and his friend were discussing whether or not there was science class since it had not been called yet. The teacher heard them talking about it and walked over to confirm that there was science class. Erik said he didn’t believe her (wtf, kid? I only told you twenty times before school!). I happen to be the PTA science class coordinator and had sent an e-mail to all the teachers about the class, so she took him over to her computer and had him read my e-mail. Then she asked him what it said, who it was from, and what day it was. All leading questions so he would say “ok, there is science class today.” He agreed it was from his mom and today was science class day. She asked him, “so you know there is science class today?” and he didn’t answer her. She turned around to help another student and when she turned back to him he was gone. She thought he went down to the science class, but later found out that he left the school and got on his bus before it was even called.

I am completely dumbfounded by this behavior. Just. . . .what? He just argued with his teacher and left school? He loves science class so I can’t fathom what was going through his mind and he can’t seem to explain it to me.

I was not pleased when I found out he missed class, but accidents happen. But this? Someone please tell me what to do! I’ve taken away all screen time until Saturday. He had to write a note of apology to his regular teacher and science teacher. I have him doing all kinds of additional chores.

I lectured a blue streak, but I don’t like lecturing. Everything I’ve read says less is more when it comes to talking to kids about their consecquences and things like that. Let them know you are disappointed and why, but don’t become a nag or all they will hear is a Charlie Brown teacher wah wah wah.

I stopped my hard core lecturing for about twenty minutes, then I suddenly realized that I am usually not even home on Tuesday afternoons. I have an extra hour so I usually go grocery shopping or playdating. I asked him what he would have done if I wasn’t home and he didn’t have an answer so I told him he better think about it and come up with an answer.

I am very lucky that Mike is a great spouse and we very, very, very rarely argue. However, I have lots of friends who have arguments with their husbands and the conversation between Erik and I sounded like a typical male/female argument.

Me: Blah blah blah think about it!

Erik: I don’t want to think about it. I said I don’t want to talk about it.

Me: Well you have to think about it! Why blah blah blah.

Erik: I’m done talking about this.

Me: Hysterical screeching.

Erik: Ugh. Quit talking.

And if he thinks he can talk to me that way, he has another think coming. I want to go completely nuclear on him, but am trying to contain my crazy. I think his biggest punishment was listening to me tell Mike what he did. He doesn’t care if I know he is a defiant turd. He does not want his dad to know anything about it.

Can I make a confession? I get really irritated when I’m going down my feed and certain blogs are always “review and giveaway!” I added a folder that someone else made and now I have several blogs that do nothing but reviews and give aways and worry about their blog branding. It is such a different blogging world than when I started back in 2001 on Diary-X. I don’t think the word blog quit existed. It was an online journal. It told a story. No one knew you could get anything for baring your soul in a public venue.

Anyway! I am doing my first ever review and giveaway because this is a product I’ve been wanting to try for years. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to get it for free and one of you lucky readers will also get a free set Woolzies.

So what are Woolzies?

Balls of wool for your dryer!

Some of my less natural living type friends are still saying “huh?”

Ok, so you know how you have to use fabric softener or dryer sheets so your clothes don’t get staticky and shoot sparks when you wear polyester pajamas in the dark? Or maybe you don’t know. Maybe you are all good with hanging your laundry out to dry or something. Personally I like a dryer. And I really like dryer sheets. However, I discovered that I am severely allergic to dryer sheets and they are the number one cause of over 20 years of painful hand eczema. I stopped using dryer sheets over a year ago and hardly ever have eczema problems anymore.

So what’s a girl to do if she can’t use a dryer sheet?

Turn to the world of natural living.

Ugh.

I want to be a fan of natural living, but I’m not. I’m just not. I like spot-free dishes, cling-free clothing, and mold-free bathrooms. I know we are destroying our planet and I want to stop, but I can’t quite go to a cleaning system that depends on vinegar and baking soda. My kids are Swedish citizens. They can move to the north pole in twenty years, when it is the only habitable place left.*

Seriously, though, I have tried all the tricks that are supposed to get rid of static cling. I faithfully put vinegar in the fabric softener cycle, I hang dry anything with fleece, I use plastic dryer balls. None of them work very well.

I’ve known about wool dryer balls for a year or so, but they are on the expensive side. I was not prepared to pay that much money for something that may or may not work, especially considering my experience with other dryer sheet replacements.

Good news: they work!

I started using them a month ago and I haven’t had any static cling since. I am finally a happy laundry goddess**!

Those of you who have been reading awhile know that I also have wool allergies, but that has not been a problem at all. I suppose if I rubbed the balls all over my body it would be scratchy, but I only handle them to throw them in the dryer when they fall out. There’s been no itching, redness or eczema. They do not seem to shed on my clothing.

I have a six pack of the dryer balls. They bounce around in the clothes, separating them so the air can get to them more efficiently. This is supposed to reduce drying time up to 25%. I have been trying to figure out if my dry times are reduced (which is one reason it took me over a month of use to do this review), but I am not organized enough to figure it out. My dryer is a fancy digital model that shuts off automatically when the clothes are dry so I’d have to really pay attention if I was going to time it. I’ve tried, but that just isn’t happening.

The only drawback: keeping track of six wool balls. My laundry is in the basement and I do all my folding on the top floor. It is not always easy to make sure all the balls get back in the dryer. I think this is more of a me problem than a Woolzies problem.

Would I buy this product again? Absolutely! But I won’t have to for a long time. They say they last for over 1,000 loads of laundry, so per load I would be paying much, much less than I was spending on laundry sheets or plastic dryer balls that fall apart almost instantly (and aren’t even effective).

If you’d like a chance to win your own set of Woolzies leave a comment telling me one thing you are doing to help the environment. See how I did that? You won’t win if you didn’t read directions. I will randomly select a winner at 10 pm EST on April 23, 2013.

*Joke, people, joke! Well, not really. They are Swedish citizens. However, I use Method cleaners for everything and hope that’s good enough.

**I do not want to be a laundry goddess, happy or unhappy. I want to be a woman of leisure. Somehow stain removing has become my chief hobby. What happened to my robot maid of the future? And my flying car?

I am such a slacker mom! Today is the day I’m supposed to post all kinds of “looking back” pictures, with one big today picture that says THREE! My baby is three! I don’t know how this happened, but she has long legs, and extensive vocabulary, and a stubborn streak a mile wide. Three is here to stay! (until four arrives)

Pictures will have to come tomorrow. The poor dear didn’t get much of a celebration today. We went to soccer where I foolishly dressed us for spring since it was in the 90s this week. Elsa and I were freezing, so we holed up in the van where she watched a DVD and I played on my phone. It didn’t occur to me that the DVD player would suck all the juice out of the van. We used to go watch double features at the drive-in and the car could play the radio for four hours without killing the battery. I guess the DVD player sucks down a lot more electricity. Lesson learned. Silver lining: We get our money’s worth with our AAA membership.

We are such awesome parents that we didn’t even buy her a birthday present. I don’t know how that happened. I felt terrible when I realized we didn’t have a present. She’s only three, so she didn’t notice, thankfully. Instead of having a big wrapped present for her to open, we took her to Toys R Us and let her pick out anything she wanted. She ended up with a Minnie Mouse trike, so I guess we are not the worst parents in the world.

Really, I should not even joke about being the worst parents in the world. Meth heads are worse than us. My poor sister’s kids are covered in lice and have a pedophile babysitter. Not having a birthday present the moment you wake up hardly rates as abuse or neglect.

Anyway, back to happiness.

The party is tomorrow so I spent the majority of the day getting ready. I had this fabulous idea to make sugar cookies shaped like a 3 and give them out as party favors, but I was foiled when I couldn’t find a 3. I was sure my alphabet set also had numbers, but nope. Letters only.

I ended up wandering the aisles at Michaels and found a flower cookie pop pan. It has a recipe on it and detailed instructions on how to make the pictured flower pops.

What a fool I am. When will I learn that Wilton is not my style? The cookie recipe was terrible but I was afraid to tweak it because I assumed it had the right amount of puff for the pop mold.

Then it said to use royal icing. I’ve never made royal icing before and had no idea I would need egg white powder to make it safely. Hopefully my real egg royal icing will be ok. I eat raw egg all the time so I’m not that worried, but it still does give me a twinge of “Oh god, I’m going to infect 15 children with salmonella.”

I’ve discovered I have an enemy and its name is royal icing. Good gravy, that stuff is nasty. It tastes gross, which is the perfect complement to the disgusting flower cookies. I didn’t make it thin enough, so I didn’t understand how it was supposed to flood my flower. Finally I figured out that I had to add a lot of water, even though it scared me to add water to whipped egg whites. I think I finally got the flowers flooded ok and now they just have to harden 4-6 hours.

It’s 11 pm.

I am going to be putting last minute touches on these things tomorrow morning! The party starts at 10 am.

What was I thinking???

We’re having an early party b/c many of Elsa’s friends go down for a nap at 1 pm. Those that don’t nap are usually cranky by 4 pm, just in time for the other kids to wake up. Ten o’clock will be perfect for three year olds but is already making me cry. Mike and I will have to work together to get everyone ready, pick-up the cupcakes, wash and cut up the fruit and frost the damn flower pops, all by 9:30. Most Sundays I am still asleep at 9:30.

I’m very tempted to toss the stupid pops, but I bought these little purple water cans and some floral foam. I plan on putting the foam in the cans, then sticking the pops in them. It will be super cute if the pops all stay up!

Tomorrow I’ll do a proper birthday post for my little miss princess. She is my heart’s delight and I hate that I don’t record many of her little sayings and doings. We’re too busy living to write about living.

As I told my dermatologist last year, my biggest talent is growing things. I have pilar cysts all over my scalp (they are basically big sacs filled with keratin). I had a teratoma on my ovary. My GYN wouldn’t tell me the contents, but confirmed that if I read google I would know what was in it. Google tells me they are full of bones, teeth, hair, skin, etc. You know, you’re basic random body parts shoved into a little bag in my ovary. My talent is vast.

While my mom was here she was telling me about a family friend who had a cyst on her wrist. They didn’t have insurance, so her husband slammed a can of corn on it, which burst the thing and made it go away.

Tuesday during BodyPump I noticed that my wrist feeling a little tweakish during certain moves. Yesterday I thought the joint was swollen. Today it is huge! It is clearly a cyst, so I looked it up and found out there is a specific kind of cyst that grows on your wrist joint–a ganglion cyst. It’s a sac filled with fluid that can turn gelatinous. Yummy!

In the old days they called them bible bumps because the accepted cure was to have someone in the family bash it with a bible to break it up. That is not the preferred treatment these days, but do you think I would let a little something like common sense stop me?

I couldn’t bring myself to actually bash the bump with a book or canned good, especially since I was home alone. I pressed it against the table really hard and felt a small pop. Now, instead of a big lump, I have a bagel wrist.

It’s not quite as bad as a Japanese bagel forehead (what a strange, strange land), but it is not attractive either. I’m planning on calling the doctor on Monday if it doesn’t go away on it’s own. Maybe I’ll even let Mike bash me with one of his bibles (aka giant Wheel of Time book).

Guess I better go put Erik to bed. Do I really have to read to him tonight? I know I do, but we’re back to Magic Tree House books and you know how I feel about those. Ugh.

I can’t believe how busy life is! I keep thinking things will calm down, but they are speeding up. I miss my daily journal decompression, but it just isn’t meant to be these days I guess.

Today was a day of catching up. Having guests, even a guest who tries to help, got our schedule completely off-kilter. My mom did not do my regular cleaning schedule while she was babysitting. I did not expect her to do it, nor did I leave her a list of things to do, but man, oh man, were the bathrooms FILTHY when we got home. Despite best intentions, I couldn’t manage to get to them until today! Gross! It feels like I spent hours cleaning this afternoon. As soon as I stepped out of the bathroom, satisfied with my work and pleased with shiny surfaces, Elsa ran by crying that she was pooping.

Yup.

She sure was.

She left a trail up the stairs and all the way into her room. Just what you wanted to read about tonight, eh? At least I have a steamer that can do stairs. Ugh. She’s never done that before, thankfully.

Instead of doing things like cleaning bathrooms, my mom spent her time re-organizing my kitchen despite the fact that I clearly told her not to touch my stuff and I specifically stated that she better not re-organize anything. She also re-organized Elsa’s room and cleaned up my craft table. I have no clue where anything is.

When she asked how I liked the kitchen I tried to be calm. After all she had just done us a huge favor by watching the kids for five days, but I was clearly not enthusiastic. However, I did have to admit that she had some good ideas. Just when it was growing on me, I went to the gym. When I came home she had moved everything back so I still couldn’t find anything. She said “you didn’t say you liked it, so I thought you hated it.” No, I didn’t say I liked it. Nor did I hate it. I said, “We’ll have to see. We need to test it out for a few days.” Is it really so hard to just ASK and communicate? Mike and I communicate about everything. We talk. We plan. If she really wanted to re-organize things and thought she had some good ideas she could have discussed it and we could have worked on it together. Then I might have had a clue where things were.

Really, I’m more angry about the mess she made of Elsa’s room. I know the piles of stuff looked like chaos, but they were completely organized in my head. I had different piles for selling and giving away, too big, too small, eBay, consignment. I had a sock project going on, trying to weed out the too small socks. She does not understand that just because she does not know the reasons things are arranged the way they are arranged that there is a reason.

Who goes into someone else’s home and does that? Especially when they are told to leave things alone?

It could have been worse, I suppose. It doesn’t sound like she fed the kids bowls full of sugar at every meal.

And now I must go to bed. I’ve been drinking a glass of wine in the evening because it is the only way I’ve found to sleep soundly through the night. It makes me so tired that I can barely type. Hope this entry isn’t too non-sensical.

You knew there would be drama with my mom here, right? It never ends. I think I would have a nervous breakdown if I had to live near my family and deal with all of this on a daily basis.

So you knew my mom would probably go home early. Yup. It is happening. She leaves tomorrow.

My sister’s husband is in New Jersey with his high school sweetheart. He can’t tolerate my sister any more and I don’t blame him, but how can he bail on his kids? Not a surprise, really, since he has abandoned kids scattered across the nation.

He’s been in close phone contact with my mom, trying to figure out what my sister is up to. It’s the usual, of course. Dope, men, blah blah blah. Apparently there is something called the purple pages on FB and he found my sister’s picture there. It is a prostitution ring or something. I’m not really clear on it. She also sent him a FB message that she wants him to take my oldest nephew because she’s tired of him and can’t handle him.

Anyway, my sister is in a new house that feeds into a fairly ritzy school. Half the students come from the super fancy country club houses and the other half come from the other side of the tracks. The principal is a young guy who is not burned out yet. My mom called and talked to him last week, so he showed up at my sister’s door with a police officer and took the kids to school. This is a GOOD thing. Finally someone is standing up and taking notice! The principal of their old school saw so much shit that he couldn’t possibly rescue all the kids. He gave up caring. I have semi-high hopes that this new principal is going to rattle some cages.

Today CPS was out there with a different case worker. The kids were alone with a registered sex offender, so they were taken into protective custody. My mom was freaking out, but I was trying to convince her this was a GOOD thing. She would know they were safe tonight. I know foster care is not ideal, but their life is far from safe. A couple of night’s of foster care would be better than what they are living right now. The story my mom pieced together is that their sex offender babysitter was in trouble for being a true pedo. So disgusting.

CPS told the father that if a family member was able to pick the kids up by 5 pm they could go with the family member, but the person would have to pass a UA.

Guess where the kids are right now?

With my #*#*$(#(#@*# sister. She refused to take the UA but they gave her the kids anyway.

The case will be open for 30 days and there will be some kind of investigation. I hope this case worker is more on the ball than the other case worker. They want proof of everything, but it’s not like my sister is going out in middle of the street, shooting up (do you shoot up meth?) in front of a police officer. At some point doesn’t someone have to listen to the people who are making the reports? I am not exaggerating one little bit when I say that I am afraid my sister is going to kill one of the kids. Oregon CPS will say “oh, darn. Guess they were right.” I want to go to their office and kick in their walls and force them to listen.

My mom has a plane ticket home for tomorrow evening. Once again she is disappointing my kids. I get that she needs to go there. I WANT her to go home and take care of the kids. That’s all I’ve wanted. I just wish she would learn to shut her mouth and not tell my kids about her plans. First she told them she was moving here, so Erik is really sad that she’s not. Then she told them she would be here until after Elsa’s birthday party, but of course that didn’t work out either. I told her and told her when she first planned this trip to not tell my kids anything about her plans, but she refused to admit that her plans would change. That’s the part that pisses me off. Just bleepity-bleep LISTEN to me once in a while!

At least she finally said she was nuts to think she could move away from the kids. I was so angry about her moving plans. I know and understand that they are not her responsibility, but she’s all they’ve got. She’s their grandma. She needs to protect them the best she can. She took on that role when they were born and even though it is not fair, she needs to live up to that role. She finally said she couldn’t stand to be away from them and she didn’t know what she was thinking when she thought she could walk away.

It’s just so sad and there’s nothing I can do about it. I have had some serious talks with my mom, telling her to stop fantasizing about beating sense into my sister and start looking for real solutions. She must stop throwing all her money at my sister, thinking it will fix her. She must hire a lawyer and take care of business the way a normal person takes care of business. I don’t know if any of it got through to her, but she did perk up when I told her to call her friend’s granddaughter-in-law who actually works for CPS. I’ve talked to this lady and she told me she would LOVE to give my mom advice, but ethically (maybe legally?) she can’t do it unless my mom initiates the conversation.

It is so frustrating to watch the system completely fail my niece and nephews. It is even more frustrating to watch my mom make bad choice, after bad choice. She’s a really good woman, but she doesn’t understand how to make things happen. I really don’t understand her thought processes at all. You’d think a person in their 60s would have learned a little about the way the world works, but she keeps banging her head against the wall and only ends up with a headache.

All those people who tell you to take time for yourself and your marriage–“make going away a priority, spend time without kids.” They know what they are about, don’t they? I always knew they had to be right, but it was not something we could ever manage. It was such a gift to be able to concentrate on each other without worrying about the very demanding, specific, often illogical needs of our children. When you spend the whole day giving someone every ounce of your attention and energy, it’s hard to find even MORE attention and energy after the kids go to bed.

Our vacation was worth every penny and every moment of stress beforehand. It was almost as perfect as it could be, except for a glitch at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter that has made me swear to become the anti-Universal Studios blogger of the year.

Sure, not everything went right. I ended up with huge blisters on the bottoms of my feet by the end of the first day. Our most expensive meal was also the worst meal of the whole trip. We were rained on at Epcot. Details, schmetails.

Overall I can’t even begin to describe how badly we needed this time away for ourselves. I am very, very grateful that my mom was able to watch the kids for five days and I am not even going to complain about the things she did that have me scratching my head. Everyone is alive and happy and that’s what counts.

We started our adventure at Animal Kingdom. I thought we would be spending the whole day in line, but the people behind Disney are brilliant. Everyone can get a FastPass! Other theme parks offer this service for a super-expensive price, but at Disney it is a little different. You go to the attraction and get a ticket with a time printed on it. Once the clock strikes your specific time, you can go through the FastPass lane, which means a pretty short wait (maybe 10 minutes). You can also wait in the stand-by line, which we did on a couple of rides with low wait times. Overall, Disney totally rocked my world with their planning and guest services. Everyone was friendly and happy. I am sure the employees must have been tired by the end of the day, but it never showed. The attractions are all really well planned and everything flowed beautifully. Even with crowds and long lines there was really no feeling of being completely overwhelmed (except for the babies. The poor babies! We saw so many little infants and toddlers at Animal Kingdom who looked completely miserable. It almost seems cruel to bring such young children to a theme park with such high stakes (Disney! Have fun gosh darnit! Even if you are only six months old and sunburned! We paid hundreds for these tickets!).

Animal Kindgom was a lot of walking around, looking at animals. We did the jungle safari ride twice, rode the big thrill coaster and took in two shows. The Lion King show was pretty amazing! They say it is the best show at Disney and I believe it. We also had our best meal of the trip at the Flaming Tree BBQ stand. I never knew theme park food could be good! I was also really impressed with the way they had the lines organized–seems like a silly thing to think about, but keeping those lines under control is so important in making a guest’s experience more positive.

By the end of the day my feet were hurting pretty bad. It has been so cold here in Maryland that I’ve been wearing my big winter moccasin type shoes all the time. I knew I should take my running shoes, but they really hurt my back. I made the incredibly bad decision to wear my Birkenstocks. I’ve worn Birkies for years, but have fallen out of the habit now that I spend a lot of time at playgrounds. I don’t like the mulch on my feet. Thus, blisters.

The blisters were hideous. By the time we got to the hotel that night I couldn’t even walk and was convinced our trip would be ruined. I thought I’d have to be like all the other fat people and rent a scooter or have Mike push me in a wheelchair. But my problem wasn’t my fat! It was my dumb blisters! We did some first aid on them, and hoped for the best.

The next day we decided to forgo common advice to be first in line at Islands of Adventure and spent our morning relaxing. It was a vacation sans children–we were not getting up at 6 am.

Animal Kingdom really died down around 4 pm (all the kiddos needed naps) so we were hoping the same
would be true of Islands of Adventure.

We went to the pool and watched families freeze their tushies off (we didn’t swim), then we did lunch and spotted Footlocker. A very knowledgeable young lady helped me find a great pair of shoes that I will love forever now that I’ve given up on insisting that I only wear women’s shoes. I know that is silly, but I do like to be feminine. I hate feeling like a man.

The artistry of the Islands of Adventure park is really beautiful, but it does not have that Disney touch. The employees all looked tired and a lot of them were downright surly. Disney and IoA both had their fair share of shops, but it felt like IoA had a lot more and was a lot more expensive. Maybe I’m just bitter. Their fastpass system was a pay system, so we didn’t buy one. There weren’t enough rides that we wanted to go on to justify it. Half the rides were either big thrill coasters or water rides. It was way too cold for water rides (even though crazy people were giving it a go!).

Finally we arrived at Harry Potter world! It was so crowded that we couldn’t even move, much less get a good look at any of the things we wanted to see. The biggest disappointment was the ride that we came all the way to Florida to go on–the Forbidden Journey through Hogwarts. It has a pull-over-the-head restraint that is not built to accommodate all people. If you have a big upper body you can’t go on the ride. I have big shoulders, huge boobs and a big belly. I couldn’t go on the ride.

I know I am fat, but I have never, never in my life been denied anything (except cute clothing) because of my weight. I don’t have to use seatbelt extenders or anything like that. I’ve never put much thought into something like this happening. I rode several rides at Disney with the same pull over restraints and it wasn’t an issue. Obviously this spoiled that whole day, but I am trying not to think about it too hard. I will never, never go to Universal Studios again, that’s for sure. Also, the food at the Three Broomsticks was pretty awful and the butterbeer was way too sweet. Boo.

Onwards to day three!

Everyone said we had to see Epcot, so we did the whole “go in the afternoon” thing again, even though it didn’t work out so well at IoA. It was actually raining when we arrived and it wasn’t so fun to stand there in the rain, but we got in a fast moving line that was mostly covered and by the time we were done exploring the iconic big golf ball (Spaceship Earth) the rain was pretty much over.

We did a few of the rides/shows in the World of Tomorrow, which were fun but a little dated and a little too educational. It was not crowded at all so we didn’t get FastPasses for any of the rides. I think our longest wait was about 20 minutes (we skipped the water ride that had a long line. We were already cold and wet.)

The best part of Epcot, by far, was the World Showcase. We spent hours going through the different countries. It was very well done and I loved going in all the shops. Yes, most of it was probably really overpriced, but it was still fun to see such a wide variety of things I’d never dreamed of. And I learned something new! All those anime animal like characters actually have a meaning. They are based off Japanese gods. I never knew that! I find anime annoying, but that certainly shed a different light on the whole art.

I was dying to buy a little Chinese outfit for Elsa. They had all kinds, but the prices were just a little too much for dress-up box clothes. It’s not like she’s Chinese and has a place to wear silk floral clothing. I also wanted to buy one for myself, but I doubt they would have my size and, of course, where would I wear it? I loved looking at the outfits, but there is no way I could comfortably wear one in public. I won’t even wear American florals most of the time.

We are getting technologically advanced in our old age and managed to make reservations at the Moroccan restaurant using a Disney app! Whoo-hoo! Using the app to make reservations was about the most exciting part of the meal. Being in a loud, packed restaurant is not exactly romantic. The food was fairly bad, too. We get the same thing at a local take-out place and it tastes much, much better for less than half the price.

After dinner we kept walking and I had a really tasty bit of chocolate trifle in the UK. By the time we reached Canada (the end!) it was time for the fireworks, which was a fantastic show!

Friday was our last day and we debated going to another park. In the end we decided my feet weren’t up to it and there was nothing we were dying to see. We spent most of the day at Downtown Disney, which is a restaurant/shopping district outside the parks. Nothing too impressive (the balloon ride was down because of storms), but it did have a movie theatre so we went to see Oz the Great and Powerful. Fun movie, but we really should have picked something a little more adult.

And then it was time to come home. We flew on AirTran, which was not the best airline ever. For some reason they don’t seat parties together, then once the plane is loaded the start juggling people around so children can sit with their parents. We were able to juggle ourselves into an exit row together. Whoo-hoo! Since the plane didn’t crash, I didn’t even need to test my strength on the door.

And now we are home! It was great to get big kisses and hugs from the kids, but returning is sure a trial by fire. No easing in to it–it’s just instant go go go get the soccer shoes, brush the hair, why are you naked? clean the mirror, talk on the play phone, and so on and so on and so on.

When’s our next vacation?

I really don’t care to know my sister’s business, but my mom insists on sharing. I haven’t personally spoken to my sister in about 18 months. This sounds really terrible, but I just have no interest in knowing her. If she was a complete stranger I wouldn’t think twice about abandoning her.

But her kids. . . yeah. . . they hurt my heart.

Anyway, my sister’s body is starting to shut down. Years and years ago when I first met my LJ friend, Jenn, I learned about celiac disease by reading her daily struggles. I looked up some more information, asked my sister some pointed questions, and diagnosed her with celiac disease. As far as my non-doctor self could tell she has a text book case of it. I told her over and over that she needed to request the test, but she always said the doctor couldn’t give her the test–it was too hard, it wouldn’t work for her, blah blah blah. From what I gather of the test it is just a simple blood test initially (followed by an internal biopsy if the blood results indicate celiac), so I’m calling BS.

Five years later and guess what she was just diagnosed with? Celiac. And since she’s let it go for so long it has caused so much damage to her system that she can barely eat anything without having intense illness. She’s severely allergic to dairy and who knows what else. I remember when I first met Jenn she was also allergic to tons of things because of the damage to her system from celiac. Jenn, did you ever heal yourself enough to eat some of your previous allergens?

Eating an allergen free diet is extremely difficult, even for the most responsible person. My sister has been a type I diabetic since she was 21 and she rarely keeps her sugars under control. She eats a ton of candy and chocolate, as well as drinking plenty of alcohol. This has wreaked havoc on her body and things are starting to shut down.

She is also suffering from pretty severe neuropathy, which is not a good sign.

She’s been killing herself slowly for years. I just wonder what all this means. How long can a person live with diabetes and celiac disease if they are unwilling to follow the necessary diet? You’d think she’d be damned sure she kept the wheat and dairy out of her diet since she suffers so much. I know it would be hard, but it seems like it would be worth it to avoid intense intestinal distress. You’d think a mother would want to be as healthy as possible so she can watch her children grow up.

I told my mom to make sure my sister knows to tell her kids’ pediatrician about the diagnoses and get them tested. Perhaps that would explain their stomach problems as well. My understanding is that it runs in families. In fact, I may ask for the blood test when I go in for my physical. I have zero symptoms, but my understanding is that it can be asymptomatic.

So. . . . I have no idea what is going to happen or what I think about what is going to happen. It is going to be a horrible, horrible thing when the inevitable happens. My mom is going to have a nervous breakdown. The kids. . . oh lord. I don’t even know. Will their dad decide to keep them? If he as a decent person there wouldn’t even be a question, but I have no idea what he will do.

And who knows. This might drag on for years.

We’re lucky we live in a country with mostly free-will (let’s not get into abortion debates), but at this point my sister needs to be locked up in a mental hospital and fed a regulated diet to bring her up to health. Won’t happen, but it is the only way she will live. I hope I am wrong about that.

This week has been a whirlwind! I can’t believe it is all ready over. I’ve been almost completely incommunicado with my internet friends, which I hate. I haven’t even read LJ in two days. How can this be?

Monday started with a gigantic Easter egg hunt planned by yours truly. It was an extremely successful event despite snow and a change of venue. I was freaked out because I thought I would be out over a hundred dollars if no one showed/paid for their eggs. In the end we only had four cancellations and three of the people have already paid me so I’m only out $3.50. I think the other lady will pay me; it’s just a matter of catching up with her. I can swallow $3.50 much easier than $112.00.

Planning such a large event is completely out of my wheelhouse. I thought we might get six families, not 20. We had three adults and four seven year olds hiding 32 dozen eggs that kept popping open. You’d be amazed how much energy that takes. Just when we’d think we were done, someone would pull out a few dozen more eggs. Over and over and over!

Tuesday was a great day–my birthday!

Wednesday was completely hectic. We drove down to a Chuck E. Cheese an hour away (Sterling, VA) to meet with friends that moved to VA last year. We miss them so much, but it is hard to find time to visit. My stupid GPS failed half-way there and I didn’t have another adult with me so I couldn’t reboot it while flying down the highway. Instead, I followed the listed directions and ended up going down Leesburg Pike, which was insane. For those not familiar with the area, you never want to go down the Leesburg Pike. It is a big, heavily trafficked road with a million stop lights. I was supposed to take a nice little freeway, but once I lost GPS I didn’t dare. This is what comes of relying on technology. I generally have better luck if I print out a google map, but the GPS talks to me. I like the talking bit, even if I do yell at the lady-voice.

It was great to see our friends, but Chuck E. Cheese during spring break is not the best meeting place when you’ve got five kids to keep track of. We didn’t have much of a chance to chat. We would have preferred to meet at a park or the Reston Zoo, but it was freeeeeeezing outside. Boo for all this cold weather! It does not feel like spring at all.

Thursday was supposed to be my day of rest, but Elsa still had her MyGym class. When we came home from that, we took my mom over to a senior living apartment complex and had a tour of the place.

It was completely horrible. It looked pretty and had lovely common areas, but it was the most depressing place I’ve ever been in my life. All the residents we saw were at least 10 years older than my mom. It smelled like old people. Erik walked in and started gagging on the smell. He asked our tour guide why it was so stinky. He’s tactful, that one.

A lot of the residents had decorated the outside of their doors, kind of like you would do in a dorm. I suppose it was nice for them to express their individuality, but it made the whole thing seem even sadder somehow.

The apartment was TINY. I’ve had bigger hotel rooms (now that we usually get a suite). I can’t imagine shoving my mom into this tiny little room in this awful, awful place.

My mom didn’t say much, but tonight at the dinner table she said her plans had changed and she won’t be moving here. I finally said “yeah, that was the most depressing place I’ve ever seen” and she looked so relieved. She thought she was just being picky, but she also found it completely unsuitable.

I knew she wouldn’t move out here, which is why I’ve not been totally stressing about it. There’s no way in hell she’s leaving my sister and her kids, though I was pissed that she thought she could just walk away from the kids. Their poor little lives are awful. I found out tonight that the two big ones set a tree on fire. Firefighters had to come and put it out, then the kids were required to go talk to the fire chief. My mom went with them and said the fire chief was really concerned about them because it was obvious their life was in turmoil.

And she thought she could just leave them? She’s their only source of stability!

It’s not fair, and it’s not right, but it is true.

Two weeks ago my mom was convinced that my sister had her shit together (she’s always convinced my sister is getting her shit together. Thirty six years she’s been convinced of this fact, but it has never once been true). My sister had broken up with her boyfriend and she and her husband moved into a HUD house together. I don’t know why my mom thought this was a sign of something good. They are awful together and can never remain faithful (or non-violent, though my sister is the one who beats the shit out of her husband).

The day after my mom left, the husband left and my sister moved in her boyfriend. Now, apparently, the husband is flying to New Jersey next week to be with his high school sweetheart. The high school sweetheart has no idea what she’s about to get into. Yikes!

Let’s just hope my sister doesn’t completely fall apart until after Mike and I are back from FL. Can she hold out ten more days? I do have childcare covered, but I don’t want to put my friends in that position and have all that stress on my heart when I am supposed to be out enjoying my husband.

I’m not sure what my mom is going to do now. She gave away almost all her possessions, including her car. Her house is on the market. I told her she should still sell the house and move into something smaller, in a nicer neighborhood in her hometown. She had no idea what I meant. She thinks her house is in a nice neighborhood because it’s three blocks from Wal-Mart. Mike and I about died when she said that. Klamath Falls is a pretty bleak place, but there are nicer neighborhoods if you are willing to live more than five minutes from Wal-Mart.

In the end, there is simply no way in hell that she can ever afford to move out here unless she wins the lottery.

According to a cost of living comparison chart this is how much more things cost here:

Groceries 14% more
Housing 105% more
Utilities 17% more
Transportation 2% less
Health Care 9% less

I’m glad that dream has died, but I wish it had died before she gave away all her stuff.

And now I am going to go watch Grimm. Maybe Mike will even go with me and protect me from the big, bad wessen.