The Queen's Rambles

I realize this is probably a strange request, but I’m going to ask anyway (don’t worry, it doesn’t involve money, just ten minutes of your time). My hometown is very impoverished. There is almost nothing for the kids to do except get into trouble. One of the parks has a wading pool, but an Oregon law now forbids the use of wading pools that don’t circulate the water (or something like that. All I know is, the wading pool has to go). Instead of a wading pool, they want to put in a sprayground, but those suckers are expensive. There’s a grass roots campaign to get this done, but in an impoverished area like that people just don’t know how to make things happen. Not that I would know how to make things happen, but the judges, senators, major hotel chain owners, chief justices and so forth know how to make a plan come to fruition.

Anyway, they are trying to do a community cookbook and so far they have 38 recipes. You can’t have a cookbook with 38 recipes. Well. . . I guess you could, but it wouldn’t be much of one.

I know it is a community cookbook, but they are advertising the log-in details on Facebook so I don’t think they really care who contributes. If you could take a moment and post a recipe, I would really appreciate it. It’s for a very good cause. You can submit up to three recipes if you are gung-ho, but even one recipe would be fantastic.

Login details:
CLICK HERE
Login: fwps
Password: spraypark

The deadline for recipe submissions is June 25th.

Thanks so much for anyone who takes the time to give them a recipe or two.

Amazing! I’m a posting machine!

I just had to follow-up with that doom and gloom post. Today has been a much, much better day.

Two things made a huge difference.

1) Mike is a wonderful husband and father and took it upon himself to find a solution to my problem of Elsa napping vs. Erik being in my face all the time. Though he is not able to do this every day, or even most days, today he came home from work during lunch and put Elsa down for a nap while I picked Erik up from camp. When Mike puts her down he can get her to sleep in the bed. When I put her down she just wants to suck on my boob, which is not helpful. I guess I have to wean her.

2) I went to the gym. Elsa is finally snot free so the childcare will take her. I know I need those endorphins. I always feel better when I go, so I must remember to work that into my routine. Let’s all knock on wood that Elsa stays healthy.

I am seriously thinking that I need to see a doctor about taking some meds. I don’t like being in a rage all the time. I don’t think it’s normal and I think my reactions are disproportionate to what’s going on. I can not STAND outright defiance. I’ve never been able to stand it (which made teaching a horrible experience). I think it reminds me of my sister or something. I don’t know, but I need to get a handle on this rage. I’m scared to death of going on meds because I’ve heard so many horror stories about the side effects. I do not need more insomnia. I do not need to gain more weight. I do not need to lose my sex drive (or maybe I do, not like there is time for hanky-panky right now). Maybe I’ll keep exercising this week and see how I feel about things and go from there.

Example of my rage this afternoon: Remember the little boy at karate who asked me why I was so fat? Remember how I was patient with him even though it hurt my feelings?

He asked me that again today. Can you even believe that? I think the lady he is with might be a nanny and not a mother. Anyway, instead of being patient with him, I snapped “You are a very rude little boy!” and then I stomped off and stuck Elsa in her car seat and went grocery shopping.

I was sort of expecting the mom/nanny to make him apologize when we came back, but she looked right at me as if I didn’t exist. I hope it’s a nanny because that’s some piss-poor parenting.

If he asks again would it be wrong to ask him why he’s so ugly? He’s actually really cute, so it wouldn’t even be true. Of course I would never say that to a little kid, even if I was thinking it.

For something completely different: I started watching the pilot of “Falling Skies” yesterday. I was watching OnDemand and accidentally stopped it. Stupid Fios gives you the option of “resume play” but I have never once had it actually work. I was an hour into the show and Fios doesn’t let you fast forward through OnDemand shows so I was pretty much screwed. I found a listing for it that I will record, but not for a few days. I don’t know if I will continue watching or not. Alien invasion stories give me nightmares. This one is especially bad since the aliens kidnap children and put a big parasite on them to control them. I keep crying when I think of Erik enslaved by aliens.

Yeah, maybe I need some meds.

I was excited to watch “Outcasts” on BBC America, but then read that it was a cancelled series with a cliffhanger ending so I am not even going to subject myself to that pain (assuming I would have liked it). I don’t have as much time to watch TV now that Elsa is napping in the bed. I have work I can get done, so can’t really excuse sitting in a chair and vegetating for a couple of hours.

Oh! And thank you for the suggestions of wearing a hat to combat the buggies. I hate hats, but will see if I can find my visor. I should be wearing it in the sun anyway. If not, I have discovered that taking a thin coloring book and using it as a fan shoos the bugs away. They are so small that they can’t withstand the wind, though it is a pain to stand there fanning myself all the live long day.

Now, does anyone know what to do about Elsa’s hair? It gets gross looking (split ends/fly-away) in the back so I’ve been putting a little bit of adult conditioner on it after I shower her and just leaving it in. It looks a lot better. Do you think that’s ok or is that some kind of baby no-no. I have also used detangling spray, but a dab of the regular conditioner seems to work better.

And now I’m going to go eat fruit in cobbler form. I’m trying to ingest more fruits and veggies. I know cobbler form is not ideal, but who can resist blackberries, raspberries, strawberries and cinnamon in a gooey crust?

Yesterday was just a clusterf— of unhappiness. After Erik and I had a raging fight (isn’t he too young for that?) we made up, but I was still very unhappy with him and his behavior. Since I am a 37 year old adult and he is a 5 year old child, I decided not to hold a grudge (I’m sweet like that) and to try to put the anger and pain behind me. It was difficult and I found my eyes leaking in frustration and sadness many times throughout the day.

At one point I let him play his !#$%$@#@ video game (the root of all evil) and told him Elsa and I were going outside to the park. You can see the house from the park so it was not like I was abandoning him. I very specifically told him where we would be and invited him along, but there were no other kids out and he wasn’t interested.

Cue the drama.

About 30 minutes later I see Erik walking down the street with my neighbor/babysitter’s mom. She has not ever really taken an interest in him so this was weird, but I just thought he was coming to join us so I waved and went back to helping Elsa climb up the ladder, go down the slide times infinity.

Turns out Erik wasn’t listening to me (surprise surprise) or didn’t remember, so he freaked out when he needed help with his game and he couldn’t find me. He thought a troll ate me, so he came outside and happened to see this neighbor getting out of her car and told her that I disappeared and he needed help.

I am glad he knows how to seek help, but my god was that embarrassing. And scary for him, I know. He sincerely believed a troll had come into the house and taken the rest of the family away.

So I feel like a total crap mom for that. I knew I shouldn’t leave him, even though I told him where we were going. I didn’t expect him to emerge from his video game coma and I really needed to get away from him for awhile. At one point yesterday I was considering packing myself and Elsa up in the van and taking off to points unknown. I would have dropped Erik with a neighbor. No worries.

I feel so guilty for thinking all these things about him. I love him intensely but he is just a difficult child. He’s stubborn and demanding, always in my face. The last two mornings Elsa and I haven’t had a single bit of drama. I don’t think I’ve ever gone 4 hours alone with Erik without some sort of tantrum/meltdown/contest of wills. Different kids, I guess. Different personalities.

Today when I was picking him up from camp today the director came over and said “Erik’s so funny. All day long he just kept saying he was going to go home and play a video game.” There was a dad standing there who decided it was his job to get all judgey in my face.

I have had very few mommy drive-bys. I’ve had old ladies ask about the lack of shoes or socks. I’ve had old men make lame ass remarks. I’ve never had another in-the-trenches parent really remark on my parenting.

This guy was hard core. “My kid is only allowed to play video games for one hour A WEEK. A WEEK! There is no reason for a child to play a video game.” Blah blah blah. I don’t know why I even engaged, but I said something about how when it is hot out he needs to have something to do. We have heat advisories here telling us not to send our kids outside. His response: That’s when you get out the sprinklers.

Ugh. Just ugh.

Like I really needed to hear all that crap from some random guy who probably isn’t even home with his kids all day anyway.

I DO limit Erik’s video gaming time. Last week we had no screen time from after breakfast to after dinner. This week he has camp, so when he comes home it is fine with me if he plays for awhile. Doesn’t every one need to de-stress and just sit down and relax sometimes? The kid plays outside for hours at a time. He is not lacking physically activity. He is just especially obsessed this week because he used his money to buy Batman Lego.

Are our children not allowed to foster their own interests? I know video games are not ideal, but what is ideal? Battling with light sabers? Having BeyBlade battles? At least these Lego games require a lot of logical thinking and problem solving.

Anyway, guess I better go. I have a ton of stuff to do. I told my mom I would write any thank-you notes that need to be written and she just sent me the address list. She is having me send notes to everyone who signed the guest book, sent a card and/or visited at the hospital. I have never heard of getting a thank you note for sending a card or attending a funeral, but if that’s what she wants me to do that is what I will do. I know she really does want to thank people because she just couldn’t believe how many people showed up. I have my job cut out for me.

I’m getting somewhat used to the muggy, but I’ll never get used to the buggy. Ugh. There are little tiny black midges (or something, who knows, I’m not a bugologist) that fly right in your face all the flim-flam time. They seem to be particularly attracted to my eyeballs and my eyeballs seem to be particularly allergic to them. Every time one flies in my eye, my eye almost swells shut and turns red and itchy for hours.

It’s fun being me.

While Elsa was napping at home with Mike, I decided to be a good mother and take Erik out to a park. Before we could leave we had to call every child he’s ever met and see if they wanted to come along. As I expected none of them could make it. Or at least none of the ones I really called. There were a few that we haven’t seen in at least a year and I didn’t really call them. Erik was cottoning on to the fact that I wasn’t leaving a voice mail, so I had to leave a bunch of pretend voice mails. Kid is too smart for his own good.

We went to a very popular park on a not-so-awful-weather-wise Saturday afternoon, so of course he didn’t need to bring along a friend. He spent two solid hours playing with a little girl his age and her little brother. Did he ever find out their names? Of course not. Weirdo.

I am loving having an independent kid who can be set free at the park and doesn’t need me tagging along within 3 feet to make sure everything is ok. I sat on a bench and read my Kindle, occasionally pushing a saucer swing or babysitting a scooter. It is rare that we get moments like that these days. Normally I would be chasing Miss Menace, which would exhaust me and leave me ready to leave after 30 minutes. I wish she was one of those “sleep anywhere in a stroller babies” but I didn’t get that lucky with either of my kids.

We are headed to Vancouver for a very short trip in about a month. We really want to go see HP7pt2 with our book club friends, but need a sitter. I am hoping my social networking skillz will pay off. I know hotels will often have a list, but I’d much rather trust in someone I’ve known for years than a random hotel list. Not that I want a blogger to babysit, but maybe a blogger would know someone they could recommend. I’ve got a couple of messages out in the vast network so we shall see. Elsa isn’t so afraid of people anymore so I am willing to try out the sitter thing.

I was just looking at the hotel and it has a pool! Not that I will let a sitter take two small non-swimmers into a pool, but I might want to take a swim with the kids. It’s outdoors, so maybe I won’t want to go in with the kids. How hot does it get over there at the end of July?

Oh dear. Looks like Mike is going to go play soccer with Erik, so I’m on Menace duty.

With Erik home this week, things have been hectic. I’ve been to a MOMS Club event every single day, which is just nuts. But they were all fun! Well, the business meeting wasn’t fun, but since I’m the new president I couldn’t exactly skip it. I ran the first meeting and presented my overall plan for the year–mainly find new members. I see it like this: either the club gets new members who will participate or I’m done. I can just as easily e-mail my three friends that are willing to do things. I think the club provides invaluable support to mothers and I want to be a part of that, but I am going to cut my losses if we can’t get things moving in the right direction by next June.

Fun things: We went to a petting zoo on Monday and it wasn’t unbearably hot. I need to look at my photos because I have pictures of Erik riding the same pony he rode a couple of years ago. I love those pictures because he’s so happy in them. My mind did a complete roll around my brain when the guy in our old pony pics gave us a lecture on lemurs. I didn’t know him and I couldn’t place him, but he was so danged familiar. Doh! I see his picture all the time!

Today we went to a nature center about 30 minutes from the house. It was totally cool and I’ll be going back this summer for some free heat relief. They have a playroom with all kinds of old fashioned toys and pioneer type things; a big room with running water, caves, turtles and other stuff; a smaller playroom with snake and other wildlife in aquariums and a lot of modern toys; an aviary with rescued birds of prey; and who knows what else. I loved it. Erik loved it. Elsa loved it. Win-win-win.

They do birthday parties for $200 for up to 20 kids, you just have to provide the food and paper products. You know where Erik is having his birthday this year. I know that sounds expensive, but it is cheap for this area. I never want to be the party entertainment again. Been there, done that. Erik is way too social and I am way too tired. Plus, we can’t host at our house because this house is not set up for entertaining. We’ve done park parties, but those are always iffy with the weather.

Tomorrow we have a totally free day, so I am hoping we can slow down and breathe a little. I know I will be chomping at the bit to get out of here by 1 pm. My friend that I usually can count on for a last minute playdate went and had her baby the other day so that will be out. I want to go to the hospital and see her new daughter, but I don’t want to drag my two along. Erik would be fine, but Elsa is a true 14 month old menace. I love the sweet little thing, but she keeps me hoppin’.

I really need to get some structure in our days. There has been entirely too much screen time around here. I think we will say no screen time (TV or video games) after breakfast until Elsa’s naptime, then no TV until after dinner. It is impossible to get Elsa down for a nap when Erik is not 100% preoccupied. His priorities are not the same as mine. Imagine that.

I have changed out all the hand soap in the house, hoping that would help my hand rash. It seems to be working. Maybe? I don’t know. I am sure we are not actually allergic to humidity, but we are def. allergic to something here. I don’t know if it is environmental or something that is a key component of our diet here. I basically didn’t eat the entire time we were in Oregon due to stress and strep. You’d think I would have lost some weight. Maybe I have. My shorts are totally falling off. Perhaps now would be a good time to continue the no eating trend. It’s the season for fresh fruit. I should force myself to enjoy it.

I did try to make a strawberry cobbler yesterday, but it was a disgusting failure. I couldn’t remember Kisha’s super easy cobbler recipe. I know it is something easy like 1-1-1 with cups of stuff, but I don’t remember what the stuff is. So instead I looked up a recipe for strawberry cobbler and ended up with a gelatinous mess that didn’t taste much like strawberries and had biscuits baked on top. I don’t want biscuits baked on top. It was entirely wrong.

Then I went and ruined it even further by throwing raw rice on top of the whole thing.

Mike says I would be chopped if I was on Chopped. How sad that Chopped is the only show we watch as a couple. But yes, just adding a strange ingredient to the top of a done dish is a sure way to get chopped. Raw rice on top of cobbler is disgusting.

Why would I do such a thing? Because SOMEBODY (probably me) didn’t close the bag of rice all the way so I had rice from here to kingdom come. Probably a good three cups of rice was spread all across my kitchen and into my dining room. I guess it could have been worse (coconut oil in a glass jar), but it was not pretty and I was not a happy camper yesterday.

In fact, I was so grouchy that I was mean to the neighbor children.

Erik has some really cool toys, including this trike thing that’s on castors. Even though it looks like a hot wheels, it’s meant for older kids because it spins all around. The kids in the neighborhood love it and use my dear, precious son for his cool toys. Not like we are the only people in the neighborhood with cool toys, but whatever.

I honestly don’t encourage sharing with the older neighbor kids. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing, but why do I want our stuff all tore up? Sharing with guests? Absolutely. Sharing with older kids who are using you? Hells to the no.

So I let them take out this trike thing and this 7 year old boy was racing a girl on a scooter. She was not very good at riding a scooter and he kept cutting her off, causing her to fall. I got my grouch on and told him to stop cutting her off.

The little *#@$$% dared to give me lip.

Oh boy.

You are riding a really cool thing that I have ownership control over and you are going to back talk ME???? Really?

I don’t think so.

I told him he could either return the bike immediately or do what I said. He opened his mouth to talk and I told him to get off the bike. I didn’t yell, I just used my teacher voice. Which is probably even scarier than yelling. He shut his mouth and we didn’t have a problem the rest of the night. His mother is very permissive and thinks he walks on water while burping up gold bricks so he’s probably not used to that kind of talk. Luckily they are moving next weekend and he’ll be long gone.

Ok, best go to bed now after a full evening of rambling. Someone better send back-up tomorrow or there may be a full scale war in my living room. Erik has been on quite a defiant streak lately and it’s driving me nuts.

I talked to my mom and the funeral was really good, she said. The place was packed and several people got up and spoke. My cousin and her mom made a huge spread for the reception and my mom didn’t have to do a thing. My mom is sounding a little calmer now. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised she’s such a wreck since she was married to my dad for so long, but I am. She was always talking about how happy she’d be when he finally died (he really was a drunken jerk most of the time), so I guess she is probably feeling a lot of guilt now.

Thank you to all who have been lifting me up during this time with comments and cards. Also thank you to those who donated to the Klamath Humane Society in his name. That really means a lot to the family. My mom choked up when I told her.

In less bad news, today was beautiful. The unbearably hot weather broke, so we enjoyed a really nice day down at the Reston Zoo with our MOMS Club. Erik got to ride a pony, which always makes him happy. The kid is such a thrill seeker. He was getting mad at the girl for lifting him up because he wanted to mount all by himself. Not that he could.

Did I mention the carnival we went to in Klamath? My niece and nephew were too afraid to go on any scary rides, but my sister and Erik went on every single ride that they would allow him on. I was having a series of heart attacks and tried to forbid him from going on some of the rides (like the big drop thing), but he would just run up and go. I thought for sure he would get scared and that would be the end of that, but I was wrong. He’d get off the scary rides shouting “Again, again, again!” Who’s going to King’s Dominion with us? Mike and I don’t want to ride a bunch of vomit inducing rides.

Ok, back to Reston Zoo.

We had fun. The kids rolled around in the red dirt. I am hoping red dirt=iron filled dirt. Elsa kept grabbing handfuls of it and shoving it in her mouth. I was stupid and told Erik to wear his tennis shoes because I knew it would be dusty. I guess I have to wash them. Should have had him wear his crocs so I could just hose them off. No idea what I was thinking.

Thank you again for helping me with the obit, though in the end the point was rather moot because the newspaper changed it up some. I guess people are really impressed that I wrote it, which I find amusing because it was honestly not that big of a deal. I had all the facts. I just threw them together. My mom told me I should “start one of those blog things and write about the weird people you meet.” I’ve got a ten year head start on her.

I was also amused that my mom forgot to keep her wedding date a secret. In college I realized that they must have gotten married because she was pregnant with me. Why else would they elope to Reno during deer hunting season and never tell anyone they were married? Her parents found out because one of their friends saw it in the Reno paper when they were down there. The date was 6 months prior to my birth, so now I have confirmation. I think maybe she thought it would hurt my self-esteem or something so she would never tell me even though I have asked several times. Honestly, it just makes me happy to have a logical reason why she would ever marry him.

I’m really rambling around tonight, aren’t I?

I’m participating in a study about food choices, feeding your 4-5 year old, and obesity through the NIH. I have to go in sometime in the next couple of weeks and do a virtual reality experience. I don’t know how much like my idea of virtual reality it will be, but I’m already laughing. My first “virtual reality” experience and I will not be exploring Mars, having a sword fight, or doing anything that might constitute fun. Instead, I will spend my time making up plates of food for my kid from a virtual buffet. Such a mom thing to do, don’t you think? But I’ll get $100, so I can’t complain.

You know how frazzled I am? I didn’t even realize I had pictures from our trip on the camera until I took some quilt block pictures today. I didn’t take many pictures because it was just not a picture taking kind of trip and my kids looked like rug rats most the time, but there are a few if you want to click through that picture up there. That was taken on one of the days when it was in the high 50s so we weren’t wearing our coats. Oh, for the days of high 50s! Today was cooler here–our outdoor thermometer only got up to 102 in direct sunlight. Yesterday it got up to 112.

Today was the last day of preschool camp, so I’m on my own with Erik all next week. He has officially been grounded from going outside by himself so it will be a long, long week next week.

There were some strange little boys playing outside tonight and Erik glommed on to them as he’s wont to do. Kid does not have a shy bone in his body.

One of the kids had a bike and the other didn’t, so Erik took out one of his bikes for them to use (plus his scooter). I knew the kids were bold when one of them knocked on the door and told me to make Erik share his scooter. I guess I’m mean, but I don’t make Erik share his ride-on toys with kids. In fact, I prefer if he doesn’t share. The other kids just tear his things up (not that he is an angel, but the more kids who use things the more wore out the things get).

It was pretty hot so suddenly Erik ran in the house and these two boys followed him. I said “no way, absolutely not” and explained that they can’t come in because I don’t know their parents and their parents don’t know us or where they are.

I thought that was the end of it, but Erik decided he would go to their house to introduce himself to their mom. They don’t live on our street. They live behind us, so basically you have to go down a really steep hill and through a patch of woods to get to their house. If Erik were a couple of years older I wouldn’t care, but at the moment he is not allowed to go down there and he knows it.

Not only did he do that, but the kids took his extra bike and gave it to some other kid.

So Mike and I were chasing all over the neighborhood looking for Erik then looking for this bike.

Now Erik’s grounded.

I guess you can judge me for letting Erik play outside by himself, but we do live in a very safe neighborhood. There is only one entrance for cars. Our community backs into a guarded government campus so I don’t really fear anything from that direction. I am pretty sure the fences back there are monitored with security cameras. Basically the fear of strangers is nil.

But of course Erik is a child. He is only five and has some spectacularly bad judgment sometimes. Obviously I keep an eye on what’s going on out there and check on him quite often, but I guess it’s not enough. He is going to be totally crying next week because I’m not going outside if it’s hotter than the surface of the sun and he’s not going outside for 30 seconds without me.

Bah.

But I am going to hug him close and let him know I love him. I just read some really horrible news about a family that is going through hell after their baby girl had meningitis. You never know when life will be snatched away. It could happen to anyone. I need to remember that when I get so mad at the boy for being a boy.

But for now. . . bed. Elsa didn’t puke last night! We all got a good night’s sleep! I’m hoping the trend continues. If only that girl would eat something, especially something resembling a fruit or vegetable, I’m sure that would help her immune system. I can’t even get her to drink juice. I never, ever would have tried to get Erik to drink juice because I was so worried about his teeth (my sister had major problems with her teeth because she drank a ton of apple juice). With Elsa I’m willing to give her anything to get non-boobilicious nutrients in her little body.

*Thank you all so much for all the help with the songs and the obit. It was very, very helpful. We picked songs direct from you guys, so you really contributed a lot. Torapines and Helloheather were also phenomenal in obituary proof-reading.

*Holy hell, does an obit cost a lot of money. You get 70 words for free, then it starts costing hundreds of dollars. I don’t mind since it is the last thing I am doing for my father, but it was just a total shock. I think I did a nice job writing it and it is a good way to honor his memory, so there you go.

*I am tired of getting puked on at midnight. Poor, sweet baby. She ate so little yesterday that all she had to puke up with bile smelling stuff. Directly into my mouth. I did take her to the doc and she said it was just a virus and we have to wait it out. I was slightly concerned since we’d been around hospital germs and those can be industrial strength. If this silly baby would just eat some fruits and vegetables instead of the flesh of my arm she might not be sick all the ding-danged time.

*Mike had a big work thing today and then he had to go out to dinner with clients. I know he had to do it and I know he didn’t want to do it. I know he has to schmooze so we can make the big bucks and I can enjoy our current lifestyle. Still. Sick baby. Dead father. Working husband. Woe is me.

*It is so hot here that I didn’t let Erik go outside this afternoon or evening. He is chomping at the bit and I don’t blame him, but I don’t need a heat stroked child to round out my week of fun.

*I am beyond irritated at the funeral people. They can not seem to answer a simple e-mail. We are paying enough that they should be committed to answering my every whim. Is it really too much to ask for confirmation e-mails when I’ve sent something they need? Also, I sent a shit load of pictures via e-mail and half of the messages failed to be delivered but I don’t know which ones and they won’t tell me what they received so I am ready to beat them black and blue. JUST TELL ME. At first the lady was all “just send all the pictures in one e-mail, it will be fine.” Yeah. Guess how “fine” that was? We’re talking 30 scanned in pictures and about 20 digital pictures.

*My sister is trying to be so helpful, but she irritates. I’m very thankful that my mom went ahead and hired a funeral home to do everything so my sister can stop running around like a headless chicken. My sister was trying to get us to have the funeral at her church, officiated by her pastor, and then my mom and her could go and make sandwiches in the church kitchen afterwards. As if that is what a mourning family does. I’m sure if my dad was a religious man that would be fine, but he was not and my sister’s pastor is the biggest scammer I’ve ever met. The slime, it just oozes off him. I don’t feel this way about all pastors. In fact, the minister at my grandma’s old church would have been just fine. But this guy? I doubt he’d be able to do a funeral without the fire and brimstone sermon. There are funerals where lots of heaven talk is very comforting and appropriate, but when the deceased was a vocal unbeliever who did lots of naughty things and doesn’t have a hope of heaven by anyone’s definition, the typical Biblical idea of death is not all that comforting. I don’t want to think of my father rotting in hell and sorry, but that’s exactly where the God of the Bible would put him. I think a few prayers are fine, mainly for the comfort of the mourners, but a whole big thing about heaven and hell just doesn’t seem appropriate. I don’t believe it so I don’t find it particularly upsetting, but it seems like true believers would have to find it upsetting, knowing my father’s history. I don’t know. I’m just glad my mom put her foot down and they are doing a celebration of life instead.

*I can’t believe Mike got to go out to a fancy pants dinner. We should have went out to a fancy pants dinner for our 8 year anniversary last weekend, but we weren’t even in the same time zone. I looked at his dinner options tonight and can’t get too upset. I know he’ll enjoy himself because it is a huge array of seafood, but I don’t eat seafood. At this restaurant, if you don’t eat seafood you’d better be prepared to eat asparagus or mushrooms. Yuck. I am not fancy pants enough to eat at these high end places.

*I signed Erik up for a little half-day camp the last two weeks of June. It’s hard to get up to get him out of the house early, but it will be nice to have him off doing very active things that he loves and I don’t have to supervise. He has his school camp this week, then he was going to be free all summer. I can’t handle the freedom.

*I thought cloth diapers were the cause of Elsa’s butt rashes since we used disposables and she had a clear butt the entire time we were in OR, but I guess not. As soon as we got home she got a major butt rash. And you know what else? While we were in Oregon the rash that encompassed over 75% of my hand completely cleared up. It was a thing of beauty. I didn’t think that hand would ever be rash free. It’s slowly coming back, though. I think Elsa and I are allergic to the humidity.

*I wish I could get a clear scan of a few pictures I found in a photo album. My scanner makes a weird, rainbowy thing over all the pictures and they are blurry to start with so it’s pretty useless. But these pictures! My gosh! I was confused because I thought I was looking at pictures of Elsa, but they are pictures of me at her age. Poor little thing looks just like her mama. At least I’ll know not to start dying her hair blonde when she’s 12. Dark hair is much more becoming for our skin tone and eye color.

*Guess it is time to try to get Erik into bed. I’ve been telling him Harry Potter in installments and we are up to book 6, but I can’t remember anything that happens in it. Not that it matters. I have not exactly been detailed oriented with the other books because I can’t remember things and he is not good at letting things unfold. He wants answers, dammit, and he wants them now. Maybe I’ll just kill Voldemort tonight and tell him the story is over.

My mom wants me to come up with some Elvis Presley songs that they can play during the slide show. I know nothing about Elvis Presley. I found one called Memories that could work.

Any ideas? Or any other old time rock and roll that would be appropriate during a video tribute to someone’s life?

Thank god I don’t have to make the slide show. I just had to scan in some pics and e-mail them to the funeral home. They are making the video as part of the package deal my mom bought.

I am supposed to be writing the obituary and turning it in tomorrow. I have a lot of it in my head, but need to find time to write it down.

Elsa has horrible stomach problems and keeps puking all over me. We got no sleep last night. I am taking her to a doctor in a couple of hours, but doubt they can help. I just want to make sure I’m not missing anything.

Erik has camp this week, so at least he has been off having fun this morning. I need to go pick him up in about 15 minutes.

This poor, sick baby is breaking my heart. She is taking some fever medicine, at least. I found some cherry flavored medicine in Oregon and she will tolerate it. I also bought some suppositories for her while I was there, but they don’t seem to do much. I am just relieved I’ve found something to help comfort her.

Her main form of comfort is biting and pinching. Her own legs are black and blue from her pinching herself. I look like I’ve been in a fight with a rabid racoon. I wish I could find something for her to bite that is as satisfying as biting skin. I’ll have to go buy her a whole pig and let her chew on it. That sounds healthy.

My dad passed yesterday morning a few minutes after they removed life support. He fought hard at the end, but years of abusing his body left him too damaged to function.

I wasn’t there and had no idea they were going to take him off life support. I would have changed my ticket if I would have known, but at the time it felt like he was going to be on life support forever, so I did what my mother told me and got on the airplane and came home. I will miss the funeral, which upsets me because I want to be a support for my mom. I will be writing the obituary and putting together a slide show, so that’s going to be enough of a good-bye for me.

We made it home. The flights were all fine and on time. Elsa is not the travel champ that her brother has always been. If I never have to take a flight with that baby it will be too soon. She cried a good portion of most of the flights. By the last flight I was crying with her.

Closing comments because I never know what to say. The only thing to say is sorry, and I already know you are all sorry for my loss. I don’t need to put any further pressure on you. You’ve all been amazing supports for me.