The Queen's Rambles

We went to see Hunger Games today! My only complaint: the many young children in the audience. I can’t believe people would bring their preschoolers to this movie.

I’m glad I read the books, though. I probably wouldn’t have cared for it nearly as much if I didn’t know all the internal conflicts and back story. Mike liked it as well, even though he hasn’t read the books.

Last night I dreamed about Harry Potter, and I must say a new Harry Potter with a never before seen scene was just as exciting as Hunger Games. Too bad I don’t remember it.

Erik has been begging for a pet, so I think we’ve finally decided we will let him get hermit crabs. I’m allergic to cats, I have a fish phobia, I don’t like the smell of rodents, and I don’t have time for a dog. Hermit crabs for the win!

Erik and I did a ton of research this weekend and I realized it is going to be quite expensive to get started. You can get a little plastic hermit crab set, but that is not recommended. Basically that is like putting the crabs into a torture chamber and condemning them to a slow death. I may not be wild about animals, but no creature is going to live a painful, sad life under my watch. I wouldn’t like it if a giant alien swooped down, stuck me in a 50 degree plastic bubble with no clothes, gave me water that had not-quite-toxic levels of arsenic and air that had not-quite-enough oxygen. I won’t do the equivalent to an animal.

The crabs need to be in a warm, humid environment. They have to have dechlorinated water and sea salt water. They need lots of toys, shells and fresh food. I wrote down everything and added it all up. I couldn’t find prices for everything, but we’re looking at $150 easy, probably more. I told Erik we would pay half and he would have to pay half. My mom chimed in and said she would pay half of Erik’s half, so we had fun with fractions.

I’m kind of hoping he forgets about the whole deal. At least he does recognize that we can’t just go to the store and get everything. He suggested we go and get what we can afford every time we have money and when we finally get everything we can buy the crabs. I was pleased to see that he realized you have to get the equipment before you get the crabs.

I guess we’ll see what happens. He was so excited about having grandma here today that he forgot about the crabs. Spring break starts on Friday, so he’ll have a lot of time to remember that he wants a pet.

Too often my posts are all about complaints. Not so today!

I thought it was going to be a totally insane, exhausting day. It was, but it was also quite lovely.

We did a Campfire field trip down to the Natural History Museum. I hate driving in DC, so we took the Metro down. All the way down to the station Erik kept telling me I was lying–there was no way we were really going to ride a train. I don’t know why he was so surprised. He’s been on the Metro a number of times, but I guess not recently.

Notice the big smile? He lost his first tooth last night and is very proud! He is one of the last of his friends to lose a tooth, even though he is the oldest.

He was over the moon excited the whole time. He was able to take care of his ticket himself. He held on to the pole (and licked it. I thought I was going to vomit). He did exactly as I asked every time I asked. I didn’t have to get angry or worried a single time.

One of the boys in Campfire is just plain, out and out mean. Erik can’t stand him and usually gets sucked into a fight with him. This time Erik just firmly stated “Leave me alone, you are not my boss” every time the kid was rude. I was really proud of him for not making a scene. I was also proud because our little 3 1/2 year old friend was hanging out with him and Erik was a great role model for showing him how to handle the bully.

We were in the museum for a few of hours and Erik was very well behaved the whole time. He’s a whole different child! This whole week he’s been great–helpful at home, trying hard to do what we ask, happy and smiling. I hope this continues.

When I got home we had a little birthday party for me. I made a peppermint fudge cake yesterday and Mike finished it off with the ganache while we were gone. It was delicious! Apparently while I was gone Elsa got a spoon and started attacking the cake. Mike yelled at her and she ran to my mom for comfort. This is a very good thing. Now she’s letting my mom look at her, talk to her and touch her! We weren’t expecting that to happen for a few days. She’s very, very shy.

Mike had our family friends over and it was very pleasant. The kids didn’t fight, the adults all had a good time, and everything was nice.

After they left and I started looking for my computer I found a box with a very beautiful, sparkly necklace! Mike did very well this year. I think we are going to Mexican food for dinner tomorrow and going to see Hunger Games next weekend. Mike offered to go tomorrow evening, but that’s just not very practical even if my mom is here to babysit.

GRRRRRRR!!!! I am Mama Bear! Hear me roar!

I believe my son has been the victim of religious bullying.

When the bus arrived today, a fifth grade Safety Patrol brought Erik to me and reported that “Sonya said everyone who believes in God, raise your hand. Erik didn’t raise his hand. Then he said God isn’t real!”

I didn’t let him finish the story. I shut him down with a simple “I’m sure he did. We don’t believe in God in our family.”

After he picked his jaw up off the floor, he start stammering “but, but, but. . . . . . do you go to church?”

“No.”

I think he may have fainted, but I calmly walked away so didn’t see it happen. The look of complete shock was enough for me.

When we got home, I asked Erik what happened. It was quite the story, as told from a 6 year old’s perspective.

The kindergartners all made crowns as a craft today. I have no idea why. I guess because they are in kindergarten. They don’t need a reason to make crowns.

Erik was wearing his crown on the bus and saying “I’m the king of the world!” One of the safety patrol girls told him he’s not allowed to say that because only god is the king of the world.

Apparently she’s never heard of freedom of speech, religious diversity or Leonardo Di Caprio.

Erik told her that god is not real and it caused quite a stir. The kids all started yelling at him and telling him he was wrong. I guess that’s when this girl decided to take a poll and have the kids all raise their hands if they believed in god. One of the safety patrol kids reported Erik’s heathen ways to the bus driver and the bus driver ended up pulling over the bus. Erik thought he was in trouble, but I think the bus driver was just trying to calm the kids down.

A bunch of the kids were telling him that Jesus lives in his heart and that Jesus made him. He told them that his mommy and daddy made him and that he grew in his mommy’s tummy. And how can a dead person live in his heart? That doesn’t even make sense.

That’s my boy!

They got even more angry and told him that god made his grandma. He told them that his granny made his grandma.

That’s about all of the story that I know. Erik was really scared that he was in trouble, even though I very calmly reassured him that people can believe whatever they want and no one can ever tell him what to believe, not even me. I explained that when he was a grown-up he would have to decide what he believes. I am PISSED though. Erik wouldn’t even go outside to play for a couple of hours because he was afraid of the kids.

I e-mailed the counselor and let her know what happened. I know the school can not control what the kids say and the kids are just parroting what they hear at home, but the school better damned well let the Safety Patrol know that it is not their duty to patrol the other students’ religious beliefs.

I actually really like the kid who brought Erik to me and “tattled.” He’s normally really smart, very kind, incredibly responsible and just all around a good kid. I don’t think it ever occurred to him that not believing in god could be an option. I am obviously not going to get into a religious debate with an 11 year old. Someone at the school needs to have a chat with him and the others, though, and let them know that their behavior was bullying and absolutely not ok.

Whew! It sounds much less intense now that I’ve written it all up. I was livid this afternoon. Not so much at the kids, but just at the whole system. I know that when I chose to have a non-mainstream belief and pass it on to my children I was opening them up to this type of bullying, but it is still not fair or right. But it’s not like I am going to teach my children something I vehemently disagree with just for the sake of avoiding some bullies. Even if they did believe in god and go to church they would still encounter religious bullying, only they might think they have to take it because the bully might have clout in the religious community.

Ok, let’s talk about something else. No need to get into all the what ifs.

Camping! We went camping last weekend and lived to tell the tale. I have seen too many werewolf shows lately because I kept expecting a werewolf to pop out of nowhere and eat me. I don’t know how anyone is ever comfortable sleeping out in tents. They are so exposed. No locks! No walls! Any mass murderer with a machete or fangs can stab right through the flimsy nylon!

We were in a very tiny cabin. It was ok, I suppose. Camping will never be my favorite activity, but I didn’t totally hate it. How’s that for a ringing endorsement?

It was a lot different from camping in Oregon. There wasn’t a body of water nearby, just some fields and some trees. We spent most of our time at the playground (very camp like) or preparing our food and fires. When I told my sister about the campground she had the same reaction I did: “But what do you do, if there’s no lake?” I don’t even like swimming and I would not want to keep my kids away from the water, but camping without a body of water nearby makes no sense to this Oregonian.

Everyone gave me great cooking advice on Facebook, so I figured out the key of getting everything prepped before leaving. I’m so glad, because it would have been a real pain to try to get everything prepped on site. Our cabin didn’t have any running water, so it was a long walk to the bath house/laundry room for dish washing.

I need to look up the address of my old church youth leaders and send them thank you cards. I can’t imagine all the prep and planning that went into taking a bunch of teenagers out into the woods. Or rather, I can imagine, but I can’t imagine ever agreeing to be in charge!

Ok, so I just looked up their names on google and found an address (it was a brother/sister team). I have one of those big boxes of generic cards so maybe tomorrow I’ll pull out a thank-you card and send it to them. I bet they’d get a kick out of it.

While camping, Erik got his first loose tooth, so that was pretty exciting. He’s 6 1/2, so it seems like it’s pretty late for his first loose tooth. We were both beginning to think it would never happen. How long does it take a tooth to fall out? He doesn’t seem to be messing with it, much. He will let me feel it, but I haven’t tried to pull it. I remember hating it when my grandma would try to pull my teeth. I am a pimple popper, not a tooth puller. There will be no string tied to the door knob in my household.

Monday was a pretty terrible day. I can’t remember exactly what happened, but I know we were all tired from the trip and the house was a disaster since we didn’t do our normal weekend cleaning. By the end of the night I was seriously considering going out and buying a huge wicker basket. I would line it with some nice, comfy blankies, swaddle Erik in a big sheet, then go and put him on the doorstep of an orphanage. It was that kind of night.

What a horrible thing for a mother to contemplate.

Thankfully things have turned around and he’s actually been pleasant, happy and fun the last few afternoons/evenings. I finally have my kid back! He is eager to discuss his school work for the first time ever. He is engaged. He is being nice to Elsa. He helps me around the house.

I guess it is all just a convergence of goodness that turned him into the child that I know he can be? Maybe?

1) He likes his new teacher a lot. I owe her a giant thank-you card at the end of her term.

2) It’s been warm here, so he’s been playing outside for hours. Sunshine and fresh air are good for the soul. He has given up on playing with the mean neighbor kid and is back to playing with the nice neighbor girl. Also, remember the grandpa who told me Erik was going to get kidnapped? Erik loves playing with the grandson. He’s a nice kid, so that works out. The grandpa can keep Erik safe from whatever kidnapper thinks it’s a great plan to snatch a kid in broad daylight from a large group.

3) I have given up on homework. It has such a negative impact on our family life that I can’t think of any reason to force ourselves to continue to do it. If he was struggling with academics that would be one thing, but I honestly see no benefit other than getting into the habit of sitting down and doing homework. There will be time for that later.

My mom gets here on Sunday! She’s staying for six weeks this time. I know that is a crazy long time to have your mom stay with you, but we get along well for the most part. It helps that she likes to nap in the afternoons.

She’s been selling off my dad’s artifacts, so she has more money than usual. She bought me a KitchenAid stand mixer for my birthday! I can’t wait to get it! I just ordered it today. I wanted to get one in turquoise or teal, but then I found another one for the same price that sounded like a more powerful machine. It only came in a cocoa silver finish, which is more practical anyway. Where I’m going to put this thing? I have no idea. I think I need to have Mike install some shelves above my butcher block, so I can free up some space there.

For the past few months our morning routine has been very predictable. Mike wakes me up at 7:15, then he goes in and wakes Erik up, gets the boy dressed and kisses us all goodbye.

This morning?

I woke up to the sound of the school bus pulling away. At first I thought it must be the bus for the deaf girl, but then I realized it was super light in our room. Why would it be so light at 6:30 in the morning?

Oh.

8:13. Bye bye bus!

I started looking for Mike, sure he was dead in the shower or something. No Mike. I called him and he was a-ok at work. He wanted to go in early so he could come home earlier. I guess he forgot to set the alarm clock.

Erik was downstairs watching TV. He said he was scared because no one came to wake him up, so he thought everyone just left him. I guess it would have been too much to ask for him to come in and check to see if I was in bed.

Thankfully he was in a good mood and didn’t fight with me. I brushed my teeth, got us dressed, and had us out the door in about 10 minutes. He had to eat breakfast in the van, but we managed to get him to school before the tardy bell rang. We’ve never done a car poll drop off, so he completely freaked out and wouldn’t get out of the van because he didn’t know where to go. The principal had to come over and help him (the principal runs the carpool lane, not like someone had to go get the principal to deal with him).

Whew!

The school is right by Target, so I took my unbrushed, dirty diaper baby to Target because I had to get a couple of things. It is very peaceful in there at 8:45 in the morning.

As I was coming out of the store, I pulled my keys out of my pocket and a piece of paper trash fell out. I was going to bend down to pick it up, but there were cars coming at me from both directions and I had Elsa in the cart and was afraid it would roll away. I felt guilty for leaving a piece of trash on the ground, but it just didn’t seem safe to pick it up.

As I’m putting Elsa in the van, an old woman comes over with this piece of paper and completely reams me for being a litter bug. Thanks, old woman. I needed that to start my day. I hate litter bugs. Truly! I know I should have picked it up. But. . . at the risk of getting myself or my kid run over in the parking lot? I don’t think so.

It’s been a fantastic week for getting reamed out by strangers and non-strangers.

The other afternoon I took Elsa out to the park. Erik had been playing outside for awhile. There’s an old Hispanic couple that lives next to the park. Their daughter seperated from her husband and is now living with them. She has two kids, a 6 year old boy and a 9 year old girl. The old man does not let the kids out of his sight. They have a hard time playing with the neighborhood kids because their grandpa won’t let them go anywhere or do anything. He came up to me and started telling me that Erik is going to get kidnapped. He saw a movie about it and it only takes 3 seconds for a man to come out of the woods, grab a kid, and be off again.

Just what I want to hear. Obviously I don’t love my son and am just waiting for some creeper to come out of the woods and drag him off.

And three seconds? Seriously?

If a guy is coming out of the woods, it is going to take him a hell of a lot longer than three seconds. He’ll have to climb over the fence of a very protected government campus. He’ll most likely have security guards on his ass. If there is a man coming out of those woods we have a lot bigger problems than child kidnappers. We need to alert CNN. The “woods” are not even very woodsy. They are a patch of trees smaller than my backyard. I live in a townhome. You can guess how big my backyard is.

At the time he was telling me about my horrible negligence I counted 12 kids, 4 toddlers and 7 adults in the immediate area. This is not counting anyone who might have been sitting in the house, looking out the window. We have a whole lot of houses in a very small area. We are all up in each other’s business. How the fuck is someone going to nab my kid in 3 seconds and not have kids screaming, adults calling 911, and the cop neighbor pulling out his gun? It’s not like I’m letting him play out there all alone in the dark.

We also had a horrible time at Campfire on Sunday. I started our Campfire group because Erik wanted to do Boy Scouts and I can’t quite stomach Boy Scouts for our family. I was pleased to have the Campfire option.

Campfire has a lot of things they believe strongly in. One of those things is lots of recognition for the children. They earn emblems pretty quickly and we are supposed to do a recognition ceremony every time. They earned their first emblem, so it was time for a ceremony.

Problem? They don’t really give you much to go on when coming up with this ceremony. They want it to be meaningful for your group and they want the kids to have a lot of input in it.

That’s great and all, but our club has children aged 3-6. They are not all that helpful in putting together a ceremony.

I went through a bunch of Campfire websites and created a ceremony. The older kids would each get to hold a candle and say a little line. It was supposed to be fun!

I called the older kids over to practice and Erik refused to come over. I told him if he didn’t come over that another girl would do his part and he didn’t care.

And then he proceeded to FLIP HIS SHIT when it was time to do the ceremony. He was screaming, crying, breaking my heart.

I didn’t know what to do. It is supposed to be a fun and positive experience, but he has to learn that his actions have consequences. So I turned the ceremony over to another leader and took Erik far away from the action and just held him and let him cry. I still don’t know if that was the perfect solution but I was absolute not going to reward his behavior.

Sometimes I feel like I am running so hard, and it is all for naught. I am feeling pretty tired and beat down this week.

Ok, must focus on the positive.

Elsa is looking very pretty in a little pink sundress today!

I got an extra hour of sleep this morning! It was much needed because poor Elsa was very restless last night. I finally figured out that she was hot, so pulled off her fleece PJ bottoms and things improved greatly.

Erik is getting along much better with his new teacher!

I am going to be the newsletter editor for the PTA! I know that doesn’t sound super postive because it just means more work, but I am happy. The newsletter is currently done by the president’s middle school son and it really hurts my eyes every time I see it. This newsletter will be much, much less involved than the MOMS Club newsletter. I won’t be creating any content.

I am going to be a Big Sister for MOMS Club! Apparently the state and regional coordinator have been talking about me and hoping I would do this job! It is nice to have my hard work noticed, even if it means I will be doing more (voluntary) hard work. I do like to have my ego stroked and I am kind of looking to the future. I am going to be entering the work force again in a few years and I’m going to need something on my resume.

Elsa can wear Target brand diapers! I was so tired of paying top prices for Huggies that I decided to take a chance on the Target brand. I’m so glad I did because they actually work better on her than Huggies! Diapers are so dependent on each kid’s body shape and skin sensitivity that I can’t recommend you run out and buy them for your kid, but I’m happy with them. The velcro is a lot stronger and they have polka dots instead of Disney characters.

Now, how do I find diaper covers for a child in 3T clothing? I am so sad that her little dresses no longer come with diaper covers. I think it’s nasty to see a diaper hanging out of a dress.

Erik came home from school in a wonderful mood! Yes, I’ve been writing this post all day. A leprechaun visited his school and made a mess last night, so he was pretty excited.

I have a rare moment of peace. Erik is off to school. Elsa is still napping. I don’t have to leave the house until 10:30 so I can take a few moments to sit and write.

Erik’s long term sub started on Monday. What a difference that makes for Erik’s happiness levels. He’s like a different kid. Or the kid that I used to know before kindergarten started. He’s so much happier and relaxed. He still has his little fits, but the attitude change is phenomenal.

I hope this doesn’t mean the sub is just letting the class run wild and do whatever they want while not learning a damned thing. I don’t think she would do that. Apparently she is the most desired mat leave sub in the area. She’s older and very experienced. Apparently she’s more relaxed as well. Erik says he likes her because she “does things quicker and let’s me pick more what I want to do.” I have no idea what that means, but it sounds good to me. She will be there for the next 10 weeks. His regular teacher will be back for the last three weeks of school (maybe she’ll change her mind about coming back? Pretty please?)

I also like that this teacher has been sending home unfinished work instead of holding him in at recess. I am more than happy to deal with that if it means he gets his recess at school.

Here’s hoping this is a recipe for success for the rest of the year!

I am currently stooped over like an old woman. We went on a nature walk with moms club yesterday and it turned out to be a lot more intense than I had intended. I was planning on a pretty short 45 minute round trip, but when we got to the end of the trail we discovered that they had finally paved a portion of a trail that leads to a really cool playground. There’s a really nice, big park behind our old apartments. You could reach it by walking over a really awful trail that wasn’t stroller friendly, or you could hop in the car and drive 30 minutes (basically going in a huge circle around the whole area). Now that the trail is paved you can walk there faster than you can drive there. Crazy!

Anyway, a portion of this trail is a huge hill. I think it done killed me.

Elsa was having a blast, but then she bumped her eye on the corner of a picnic table. I was really glad a couple of my friends witnessed it because now she has a huge black eye. Poor thing! Then last night she was playing and fell down and split her lip.

And the girl awakes. Guess this entry is over.

>I got a really strange e-mail from Erik’s teacher on Wednesday. It said he refused to talk to anyone and he was just staring into space. He refused to go to the nurse and said he wasn’t sick. She wanted me to talk about it with him when he got home.

I can only assume that the district doesn’t allow teachers to say “hey, come get your kid” without a visit to the nurse. I e-mailed back since calling a teacher during the school day is not really possible and she said she had been checking her e-mail waiting to hear from me. She never told me to come get him, but I was worried enough that I went and got him and I am pretty sure that is the outcome she desired. As soon as I felt him I knew he had a fever.

Wednesday was ok because he was obviously sick and just laid around. Thursday? What a freakin’ nightmare. I couldn’t send him back to school since I had no idea if he was well or not at 8 am. By 9 am I knew he should have been off to that fine institute of learning.

He was well.

Quite well.

It made for a long, long day with no nap for Elsa since six year olds just don’t have the same “don’t wake the baby” sense that tired moms have.

Our district has a lot of convoluted rules. That’s the whole thing with the homework: district rules. The teacher has made it pretty clear that she hates assigning the work, but the district states that all students must do homework four nights a week. It even has guidelines of time spent, rules for weekends and vacations and other criteria. It’s pretty insane.

Our school implements it better than some schools I’ve heard about in the district. The kindergarten teachers put together a list of about 20 items in different subject areas and the kids are supposed to choose 16 of them to actually do. The kids have a notebook to use for some items (write as many numbers as you can), but many of the items are just things we check off (like read a story together and have the child tell who the characters are). It truly is not that bad, except I have a child who freaks out about it and makes it so much harder than it has to be.

>I was just asked if I would be willing to apply for a Big Sister position for MOMS Club! I can’t believe it! This is a person who supervises/helps several chapters in her area. I sort of want to do it just because it is a position of some power (in the SAHM world) and it would look good on a future resume. But it would take a lot of time and it would mean dealing with a lot of different personalities. I’ll have to give it some serious thought.

I just can’t believe I was asked! Such an honor. Or maybe it is kind of like being president of the chapter–sounds like an honor, but it is only for suckers.

>I have been buying Elsa a bunch of clothes and I fear she is going to need even more clothes later in the summer. How is it her new 3T shirts are almost too small already? Is she just going to skip 3T and go straight to 4T? Guess I better get my butt to Gymboree and Crazy 8s. Their sizes run bigger.

>I bought Erik some spring clothes in size 7. SEVEN! That’s the end of the line of the little boy clothes, and I’m not even sure if they will fit him. They look pretty small. What happened to my babies?

>I started watching “Downton Abbey” since everyone is raving about it. Now I see what the fuss is about! I have only watched one episode, but I can tell I’m really going to like it. I went online to find out about airdates for season two and am kicking myself for not starting it sooner. The season 2 episodes are only available online until March 6. There is no way on this earth I’ll be able to watch 14 hours of television in the next three days so I guess I’ll have to just enjoy season 1 and wait for season 2.

I did learn that season 2 of Sherlock Holmes will be playing in the US in May, so that made me happy. I should mark it on my calendar so I actually remember to record it.

>I almost bought a dress today, but then I turned around and looked at it from the backside. Not pretty. It was so pretty from the front, though! I don’t need a dress, nor want a dress but this dress was so beautiful that it almost didn’t matter. I know everyone makes fun of Dress Barn because of the name, but they really do know how to dress a plus sized lady. Except? I don’t need to wear dressy clothes anywhere. I wish they had more casual clothes.

My mom is coming in March, so I thought maybe I could wear a dress while going out on dates with Mike. I think the dress might have been cheaper than a night of paid babysitting around these parts.

>I have avoided Girl Scout cookies for years, but our sweet little neighbor girl was selling them and I couldn’t say no. What do they put in the Thin Mints to make them so deliciously addictive? I might have to break into their home and see if they have a surplus supply in their basement. Or put out a call for more Thin Mints on Facebook. This is exactly what I do not need if I am ever going to drop any of this weight.

>I have been going crazy with the Certifikid deals (Do you have that or is it just local? It’s like Groupon.) We are going cabin camping. What fresh hell is this? At least it is a cheap fresh hell. Erik has been begging to go camping for months years, so it’s finally time. We’ll have real beds, a small fridge and heat so I guess I can’t complain too much.

I also bought a family pack of tickets for a cruise along the Potomac to see the cherry blossoms. I’m really looking forward to that one, as long as Elsa doesn’t decide to jump straight into the river. She loves any form of water. I thought she was going to jump into the Pacific several times on our trip to Vancouver.

I’ve been complaining for months because WordPress mostly stopped e-mailing me comments. I could reply on my website, but who checks comments? I could not e-mail my replies back to anyone.

Today it decided to deliver my backlog of comments. So strange.

I hope this means it will start delivering them in a timely fashion.

I am very, very glad I know longer live in Oklahoma. I spent my four college years there, but at the time I was a right wing Republican who didn’t have a clue how the world worked. Not so proud of those years, but I will say this: all those years of devoted Bible study led to no other option but atheism.

Anyway, an old college friend still lives there and she has been doing a wonderful job fighting against the recent personhood act. She is quoted in an article: HERE. She’s Eva Garringer, down towards the bottom. I agree with what she says 100%

You will also probably be seeing a whole lot of pictures of her butt! Her back is to the camera in the picture at the top of this page HERE.

Sounds like the bill will not make it out of committee from the House. I hope that’s true.

It hasn’t been a bad day, just an unexpected day. Nothing went as planned, which always throws me for a loop because I schedule things pretty tightly. All’s well that ends well, though. I guess?

We got a late start to the gym, then someone at the gym was incredibly stinky. INCREDIBLY. I thought I was going to puke, and I couldn’t figure out who it was. I even got paranoid and thought it was me, but finally about 10 minutes before the end of the workout the smell disappeared.

I had it timed perfectly so that I could take a shower and we could eat lunch before we went off to eat charity cupcakes with the MOMS Club.

Then I got a phone call from the Campfire lady and that plan went out the window. She never answers e-mails, but she calls and talks and talks and talks and talks some more. I need her information so I can’t ignore her calls. I can never get her on the phone when I try to call her, so if she calls I have to pick up. So there went my chance for lunch and a shower.

I put on a hat (something I never do) and tried not to feel too grubby. I reminded myself I was having these cupcakes for charity. Greater good trumps greasy gym hair.

And then no one else showed up.

Everyone involved would have been better off if I slapped a $5 bill in an envelope and mailed it to the food bank.

There were a bunch of mean looking geese (doesn’t that describe them all?) down by the cupcakery and Elsa kept trying to hug them. She’d yell “DUCKIE!!!!” and take off running. I was sure one of them would bite her, but I managed to catch her before she got too close. I pissed her right off, but better than having her be geese bait. She is just so big that picking her up and carting her away during a tantrum is no mean feat. I need to get a scale so I can weigh her. I’m guessing she must weigh at least 35 pounds. She’s already in 3T clothes. Her toddler years are going to be physically exhausting, aren’t they?

After we got home, she refused to go down for a nap. This is becoming typical. She stays awake until 20 minutes before the bus is due to arrive, then wakes up and is cranky the rest of the day. This time was much better! I laid her on the couch and she just kept sleeping! After I fed Erik, I had over an hour to myself! He went out to play and I was able to do a lot of house cleaning with no child coming along behind me creating a bigger mess. I hope this means we are moving into a more independent sleep stage.

Mike wasn’t due home until a god-awful hour, so I decided it would be fun to take the kids out to dinner. Yes, I am an idiot. Mainly, I didn’t want them in the house messing up my clean floors.

We ended up at Pizza Hut (gag) and Elsa was pretty much a nightmare of a toddler. I was really proud of Erik, though. He helped me out quite a bit and was being an excellent big brother. I like to see that side of him. He really can be an amazing little boy when he wants to be.

Afterwards, we went to the dollar store to see if they had any black poster board. They didn’t, but they did have giant fly swatters and toilet plungers. Those are the things my kids just had to have. Fly swatter for the boy, toilet plunger for the girl.

The whole time we were there Elsa wanted to hold Erik’s hand. He was not keen on the idea, but did it anyway. It was so sweet. She just loves her big brother and always wants to hug and kiss him. He is not much of a fan of his little sister, but will sometimes throw her a bone.

Tomorrow is the last day of the month, which means Erik’s homework notebook is due. He’s supposed to do 4 homework assignments each week, out of a list of 20 possible assignments. Guess what? He did 12. And I’m ok with that.

Ok, so I’m not really ok with that. My super teacher pleasing self is kind of freaking out. But my mama bear self is saying it doesn’t matter. If the assignments were things that he needed to practice, I would make him do them. When he brings home papers that are all wrong, I make him sit and correct them (he started purposely answering every single question wrong on his worksheets to be funny or aggressive, not sure which). Other than that? The homework is pointless. There is absolutely no need for our evenings to be completely hellish. Yes, it would train him to do homework each night, but I honestly don’t believe that’s important at this age. Why does a six year old need a work ethic? His teacher basically refuses to do anything to motivate him to do well in class, so why am I going to bust my chops to get this homework done when it does the opposite of motivate him? I feel like he deserves to have some time to just be a kid, so I’m going to give it to him. Even if that means my whole body is screaming at me “DO THE HOMEWORK! FOOL! MUST PLEASE TEACHER!”

Obviously it would be stupid to use the lack of homework as a way to get back at the teacher. She doesn’t give a shit, I’m sure. It is about what is best for Erik. No one has demonstrated to me that doing homework benefits him in any way (other than reading homework, but we read more than the required amount and don’t call it homework). I’m trying to make sure I am doing this rebellion for the right reason. Maybe it is not even really a rebellion. Maybe it is not a big deal at all. I don’t know. I just know it has been nice to not have hour long screaming tantrums every night.

Instead we do fun things. We went swimming one afternoon. It was pretty hilarious because I didn’t have a swim shirt for Erik so he was freaking out about people seeing his belly button. This is an ongoing issue with him. Question of the day: why is it ok to show your belly button but not your penis? He doesn’t understand.

I know that Erik started swimming independently with a life jacket when he was much younger than Elsa. Once I put the life jacket on him he was g-o-n-e. I always stayed within arm’s reach, but I don’t recall him ever tipping into the water or having any problems. I have always known that he is unusually athletic, but I guess I just take it for granted. I just assumed all kids could run up a slide and float around in a pool at 15 months.

Elsa is not so athletic. She can’t run up a slide. She definitely can not float around in the pool without a lot of help. The life jacket was pushing her face down into the water and seemed quite dangerous. She’s a great climber and a total daredevil, but she just doesn’t have that body awareness and control Erik has always exhibited. I don’t know if this is good or bad. I don’t know how Erik has managed to avoid an ER visit in his short little life *knock on wood*. He doesn’t have a clumsy bone in his body and is quite agile, so I guess all his daredevilry isn’t as likely to end in broken bones. This worries me. I guess Elsa will be my child that ends up in a cast?

We also spent a fun evening creating a piece of “art” for the Campfire art show. I feel kind of bad because I did more of it than I would have liked, but he was directing me. The theme of the show is “fibers” so we made a picture collage out of fabric. He wanted a hedgehog climbing rocks. He was having problems cutting the fabric, so I cut out the body for him. He arranged it all himself and came up with a big story about it. It makes no sense to me, but it made him happy. It was a lot more fun than writing numbers up to 100 in his notebook. He used to do that obsessively, but since it was his homework assignment he refused to do it.

Just when you think your kid is a handful, they go and have developmental milestones and grow another inch. Good grief, people, I am exhausted.

As I’m cleaning up one mess, she’s running around behind me making three more messes.

By the end of the day yesterday I had a bathroom covered in peanut butter; a kitchen covered in straws, jello, water, and soup; and a dining room floor turned red from soup dregs.

She loved peanut butter, but wanted to wash her hands herself. She wiped them all over the bathroom.

She tried to get a rag to dry herself off and pulled out the new pack of 200 straws. Then her brother came in and handed her a jello jiggler, which she proceeded to smear all over the place. I guess that got boring, because then she saw a pot of soup on the counter, so she dumped that all over the floor.

And there is always water everywhere. Always always always. We have a fridge with a water and ice dispenser and she knows how to get water. I keep it locked, but the six year old in the house does not understand the point of locking it down.

So yay! Toddler messes! She’s really tall and smart, which is a big problem. I took away the step stool, so she just opened up the counter, got out a big pot and used it to stand on.

I’m just happy she is terrified of the stove.

At least today was much, much better. There was still a mess, but not quite at DEFCON 1.

My friend came over this afternoon, and she is always a complete delight. We haven’t seen her in a long time b/c she has two kids and we all can’t seem to get healthy at the same time. It’s always so refreshing to have a visit with a friend who you really love.

——

Ok, so that was all written yesterday or the day before. Who knows? Who can keep track. Elsa is napping with Mike, so maybe I have time to finish this post. I am so tired, I may fall asleep instead.

I was watching Fringe last night, all alone in the completely dark basement. It is not a horror show, but it certainly has its suspenseful moments.

Mike had taken Elsa up to bed earlier and never came back down. Suddenly I hear. . .

thump

thump

thump

Thump

THUMP

THUMP

I was starting to freak out. There was no way it was Mike coming down the stairs. He doesn’t thump. He goes creakcreakcreakcreakcreakcreak. Bad shape shifters were coming for me! They were going to suck my brains out! Tie me to a bed frame and jolt me with electricity! Shoot me full of illicit drugs!

I hear a sneeze and jump out of my skin. Elsa is standing there, happy as a clam, ready to play. Mike is no where to be found.

Mike finally appeared, over an hour later, in a complete panic about the Case of the Missing Elsa. Apparently he had fallen asleep before her and he had no idea she decided to leave the bed.

She had a bit of a cough and I was sure she would puke in middle of the night. Coughing always leads to puking for her. I am very happy to report that we had no pukage! Sure, she stayed up till midnight, but there was no puke.

———

I think I’m on a Zulily overload. I need to look at pretty things. Zulily has pretty things (it is one of those deal a day type sites, only with lots of daily deals for kids clothes). Elsa needs spring clothes. Zulily has lots of spring clothes. I like that they are not just the run of the mill Kohls/Macy’s/Costco clothes. I also like the instant gratification of buying now. I just hope they all turn out as cute in person as they look in the pictures. I am trying to be very discerning with what I buy. Not all cute things will look cute on Elsa, nor will all adorable items be practical. I’ve discovered that she needs really rich colors and A-line skirts. Pastels and sweater dresses are not her friends. Dresses in general are a waste, though I want to buy every single cute dress I can find. What’s the point when we don’t have any where to go that requires dressiness?

I also have a $10 Kohls thing to spend, so maybe I will go real shopping later. I should be a nice person and invite my young neighbor out for some shopping time, but I am not sure if I have the emotional energy for it. I feel bad for her situation, but I don’t really know what to say to her. Also, she really, really, really wants to cut my hair and I’m not up for that. She says she went to beauty school in Pakistan, but she has never actually worked in a salon. I don’t know if she has any practical experience at all, especially with white lady hair. I am not willing to risk my hair for good neighborly relations. I feel like I have very little going for me in the looks department, so I’m not going to let someone mess around with the one thing that can look fairly decent.

I suppose I should go do something on my To Do list while it is peaceful. Nothing like scrubbing the toilets while no one is pulling on my leg and screaming “Curus Jawg, Gurus Jawg!”