The Queen's Rambles

If hell is anything like the Maryland Motor Vehicles Administration office, I better start saying my prayers right now. Not that I believe in hell. But I spent three and a half hours there and would like to avoid it at all costs in the future.

When we paid off our car we got a not-title in the mail, instructing us to take it to the MVA and trade it for a real title. Of course, knowing the hell that is the MVA we’ve put it off for. . .ohhhhh. . . a year.

Obviously we couldn’t put it off any longer since we traded the car in yesterday, so Erik and I got up early, packed a big bag full of kid crap and lunch and were at the MVA the minute the doors opened this morning.

Seriously, I hate this place.

First, we had to stand in the vetting line for over an hour and a half. They have two people working who look at your paperwork, tell you if you need anything else, and finally give you a number so you can go sit.

HOUR and a HALF! In line. With a four year old. With a giant bag o’crap.

My only saving grace was the lady behind me who had a 2 year old in a stroller. Erik and the baby kept each other pretty well entertained, though it was still a lot to ask of Erik to stand in that line and be good. He is having a major constipation problem right now so kept announcing “I had a really stinky fart!” to the general population. He also announced “My wiener is attached! Fix my wiener! It’s getting big!” As if I even know what that means. Isn’t it supposed to be attached? At least he amused everyone in line.

I finally got to the front of the line and learned that I had to have Mike’s signature. The only good thing was that they gave me a yellow ticket so I could go back today and not wait in the vetting line again.

Mike was down in downtown DC. Erik had preschool at noon. There was no practical way to work this out and I never carry my damn cell phone because it doesn’t work anyway (though I just ordered a new one tonight and should get it tomorrow!).

I finally got ahold of Mike and made a plan. He was only downtown for a short time, so after I dropped Erik off at preschool I ran down to Mike’s office, then back up to the MVA. Mike held out hope that I would be able to pick Erik up from school, but the plan was for Mike to leave work early to get him.

Guess who won that bet?

I sat in that stinking, hot, horrible office for over two hours. I was so hot that I had to go outside a couple of times. I thought I was going to have the baby right there on the metal benches. It was so hot that I started having irregular contractions, but there was no way I was leaving! I could be crowning, but I was damn well not going to lose my place in line.

At least I didn’t have Erik with me. That would have turned an annoying situation into a nightmare.

Once I made it to the front, the lady did her thing but informed me that I shouldn’t change my address.

Me: But that’s my new address.
Her: But it costs $50.
Me: But that’s my address.
Her: You don’t need to change it.

Finally I told her not to change it if she promised I wouldn’t get in trouble. I’m glad to save the money, but it was pretty weird to be told to lie after I just signed a statement saying I was telling the truth.

When I got home I went down to the basement and laid on the cool, comfy couch with a big glass of ice water for a couple of hours. I was actually getting fairly concerned about things, but resting and water solved my problem.

In other news, Erik is lucky I didn’t beat him. I’ve ordered a ton of stuff for the baby online. I’ve picked up a couple of small items in the store, but I generally find online shopping is easier, cheaper and more efficient. Erik is getting pretty tired of the baby getting all these packages, though he has been getting a few packages too.

Today we got a couple of one-size Rump a Rooz diapers, which are supposed to be good for newborns through potty training. Erik wanted to try them on, which was weird, but whatever. I didn’t have the patience for it, but Mike managed to snap one on him. I even took pictures, but I’m just not comfortable sharing them on the world wide web where anyone can see.

Anyway, I kept telling him he better not pee in the diaper, so what do you think he did? He peed! In my brand new diaper! Which. . well. . yeah, it was a diaper, but gross! I wanted to wait to prewash all the diapers after they all arrived, but now that one will have to be washed ASAP. I don’t even have the proper detergent to wash it with. Luckily it was just the pocket and none of the inserts.

I’m really hoping tomorrow is a more relaxing day, but Erik and I have dental appointments in the morning so I’m not counting on it. Poor kid has been doing an awful lot of errands with me lately. I need to be more patient with him, but it’s so hard.

I just really, really hope that all the stuff we’ve been giving him for his little constipation problem doesn’t catch up with him while we’re at the dentist. The last time this happened, about a year ago, the day after we gave him prune juice and all that he had a huge problem all over himself and his pants and everywhere. We weren’t at home, but luckily we were at our friend’s house so we were able to their shower and a set of clothes. It would certainly not be that handy to have it happen at the dentist office. Ugh.

We have a brand, spankin’ new Honda Odyssey! I can’t believe it! I got everything I wanted! Leather seats, butt warmer, power seats, DVD player, happy happy joy joy!

We also got a better deal than I thought we would. I fail to understand how Toyota could refuse to deal with us. The Odyssey retails for more, but with incentives, low APR and general wheeling and dealing we got a better van for just about the same price. Take that, stupid salesman and your “that’s a luxury that you don’t need.” I still can’t get over the way that guy was acting.

The Honda sales guy was great. Not too pushy, willing to explain things and answer questions. He was baffled by Erik. Poor, poor Erik. He had to sit in the Honda dealership for close to four hours. He was getting just a wee bit antsy by the end.

I told him that I didn’t think we would get a van with a TV since I hadn’t realized those weren’t standard. I thought those were the whole point of a mini-van, so was quite surprised when I started researching. We know lots of people with mini-vans and Erik has ridden in a few of them. When we started talking about getting one he was excited because he thought he’d be getting a TV.

First thing he said to the sales guy: “I’m Erik. I want you to go build me a van with a TV.”

Have I ever mentioned that he’s not a shy child?

The financial person was a different story. She was very personable and I liked her, but she was laying it on pretty thick. She kept telling us how “fascinating” we were and how she wanted to talk to us forever because we were so interesting. Well, of course, we’re just the most interesting people we know. Ha! It was kind of silly.

She also kept going on and on about Mike’s voice and how cool it is. As many of you know, his voice box was injured in a work accident when he was 18. It left him with a rough, gravelly voice that sort of sounds like the Godfather. In fact, many of our friends call him that, so I was laughing pretty hard when the lady said he sounded like he was a member of the mafia. Then she got all embarrassed and tried to take it back.

I was shocked when Mike signed the paper work. I thought for sure he was going to play the walk out game, but I think we are both way too busy and exhausted for that. I was also shocked that we were able to take the van home today! I expected to order it and wait a couple of weeks for it to show up. We weren’t really prepared for that! I have to go in to the DMV tomorrow and get the Saturn title (I have a paper from our creditor saying “This is not a title. Take it to the DMV to get the title”). I’m just hoping if I get there at 8:30 I’ll be able to have Erik at school by noon. It is going to e a horrible morning with him in the office for that many hours, but it has to be done.

Anyway! I’m all excited.

How about another topic? A controversial topic?

I am so sick of people! Everyone has an opinion and I’m tired of hearing it. My latest irritation is the anti-vaccination people. I’m not irritated with all people who don’t vaccinate their kids, just a particular sub-set. I can understand the concerns that a lot of parents have and I understand why delayed schedules, separating out the vaccines and declining some of the less important ones (like chicken pox) are choices that so many parents are making these days. I wrestled with these same decisions and did a whole ton of research. I found that I didn’t really buy into the whole anti-vaccination hype. The reasons presented weren’t strong enough to make me think the danger outweighed the benefit. Mike and I both have clean family histories as far as vaccinations/reactions/autism/etc is concerned. We watched Erik carefully after each vaccination and he never had any problems.

The people who piss me off are the ones who seem to hate vaccinations because the government is telling them they have to vaccinate and “no one can tell them what to do with their kids.” That’s just not a valid reason, in my opinion.

The thing that really gets my goat is the contempt they have for everyone who does vaccinate. Surely we must be stupid for believing the government has our best interests at heart! I am all about questioning the status quo, and I certainly don’t trust the government. I do, however, trust that the majority of pediatricians really have the best interest of children at heart. I know there are bad seeds and I know big pharma is Teh Evil, but if vaccinations were that bad I don’t think they’d have almost unanimous support in the medical world.

What these people fail to understand is that us “stupid” parents are the sole reason they are able to choose not to vaccinate their children and have very little fear that their kids are going to be stricken with polio and other diseases. If we all “wised up” and quit vaccinating our kids, those diseases would slowly seep their way back into the population and there’d be a real problem! I don’t think they’ve ever met anyone with polio. I have. My parents had a friend with polio. Her parents were government conspiracy theorists and refused to have her vaccinated. So, so sad.

Now that I’m having a baby, I am even more pissed at these people. When Erik was little I didn’t know much about herd immunity or think much about the children he came in contact with. Now that I know more I don’t want my baby coming in contact with all these unvaccinated kids! Herd immunity works because everyone is vaccinated, so if one or two kids aren’t they are probably going to be ok. But the more people who aren’t vaccinated, the more likely the diseases will be spread. Erik has all his vaccinations, but he’s around kids that I have no clue about. It is super easy to get an exemption, which is good for civil liberties but bad for herd immunity. The baby will be vulnerable for a few years! I know it is highly, highly unlikely that anything will happen, but it just irks me. I think all the “the government can’t tell me what to do” people should go live on an unvaccinated commune together and stay away from my tiny, little baby!

How’s that for a rant?

Have any of you had your whooping cough booster shot lately? I’ve seen several ads and have heard several people talking about it just this past week (not only in parenting magazines). Apparently whooping cough is making a come back and they are suggesting adults get a booster shot, especially parents of infants. I’ll be asking my OB about it at the next visit.

First, thank you thank you thank you thank you for all the help with my cloth diaper questions, and a special thanks to Kisha! I am feeling much better about the idea now. No need to freak out. I’m not a crazy person who wants to spend all my time thinking about my kid’s poop receptacle. I just want to do everything as simply as possible and forget about it.

I had a nice surprise today. One of my friends called and said her son wanted to play with Erik today. I was going to regretfully decline, but then she said the magic words “so why don’t you drop him off this afternoon?”

Whoo-hoo! You don’t have to ask me twice!

We went car shopping and Mike got to enjoy me aggressively telling the Toyota salesman just how it would be before we walked out. I am usually so demure, but this guy was pissing me off. I want things. Lots of things. I know a lot of the things I want are luxuries (power seats, seat warmer, DVD player), but dammit, we’re going to have this car for ten years. I think we can afford some amenities.

Every time I would ask about something he would tell me “that’s a luxury and you don’t need it.” What the hell? And he calls himself a salesman?

He never even showed us anything about the car. We took a test drive and Mike played with the seats, but he never offered to show us any features or explain how anything worked.

When he started running the numbers we kept asking him what features he was including but he wouldn’t tell us. Finally we insisted and he gave us a print out of stuff, which was not what we wanted at all. He was the biggest idiot I’ve ever met. I never thought I’d have a salesmen that annoyed me because of his lack of selling.

Then came the question, “What can I do to sell you this car today?” He didn’t like any of my answers and just wanted to argue.

He also didn’t realize I was pregnant, I guess. Even though I had to ask him to pull out the van so I could get in it because my big belly wouldn’t squeeze through the tiny little opening. I guess he just thought I was fat. He looked shocked when he asked how many kids we had and I mentioned we would be having a baby in six weeks. People! I am eight months pregnant and look it! You can’t mistake it for plus sized pudge.

Can you tell this guy pissed me off? I am still floored that he kept telling me I didn’t need luxuries. Who is he to decide what I need and don’t need? I’m going to be 36 years old this month. If I want a bleepity-bleeping seat warmer I can have one. And seriously do not EVEN try to tell me that leather seats are a luxury when you are buying a car meant to cart around little kids.

I thought Toyota would be falling all over themselves to make sales right now, but apparently not.

We had a much better experience at Honda. We didn’t get to talk numbers because we had to go pick up Erik, but we did get a much more detailed look at the car. The salesman didn’t decide that I didn’t need luxury or treat me like some dirt poor idiot. I just LOVED it when the Toyota salesman assumed we didn’t have any cash to put down. It seemed like he thought we were lying when we told him how much we’d be putting down. I know I don’t carry a Coach bag or wear Prada, but dang! That’s why we have money. We weren’t dressed like hobos.

Anyway, we’re going back to Honda tomorrow and I’m hoping we will place an order for our new van. We’ll just have to see what they can offer us. Otherwise, it is back to Toyota. The bad sales guy won’t be there, but he gave us his card and wants us to call him if we go back. Yeah right. Normally I would because that’s the polite thing to do, but I want a real salesman who is going to actually show me some features. Why would I want to give this guy my money? He sure as hell didn’t earn it.

When we started Erik’s swim program, I saw the line “Goggles strongly discouraged” and cringed. The child takes after his mother and his mother has super-sensitive eyes. I would cry if I had to jump in the pool with no goggles on. Erik, indeed, cries when he is supposed to go under. The first three classes he did ok, but today the novelty wore off and he was totally freaking out.

I was really relieved when the teacher pulled me to the side and told me to bring some goggles next time. Then she let him borrow some and he was a different kid. I think he’ll be able to meet his first goal during the next lesson if he doesn’t have to be freaked out about water in his eyes. I’m glad they decided to be flexible about the issue.

In other news, we spent an hour in the OB waiting room. I was getting pissed! We usually go to the office right across the road, but since I was having a sonogram we had to go down to Rockville, the big city, for this appointment. I hate it down there. The staff is unfriendly, the waiting room is crowded and hot and the wait takes forever.

Erik has been so curious about this pregnancy and keeps wanting to see Elsa, so I thought it would be fun for him to see the ultrasound. He actually did ok, thanks in part to a last minute grab of a puzzle book on the way out the door. The kid loves hidden pictures, mazes and stuff like that. He actually did a lot better with the wait than I did. I could feel the steam coming out of my ears, as they kept calling people back even though I was there first. Apparently someone was having a reeeeeaaaaaaalllllly long ultrasound session.

Sadly, ultrasounds at 33w2d are not guaranteed to get an amazing picture. The baby is so big that unless they are positioned just right all you can see is squished up lines. She was facing my spine so all we could see was the back of her head, her spine and a leg. I was disappointed, but Erik didn’t mind. He was convinced than her spinal column was her teeth and mouth. He amused the tech, at least.

Everything looks good, so I can’t really complain. The baby is transverse (laying sideways in my belly instead of up and down) and she is big. The ultrasound measurements can be way, way off. I’ve heard they can be off by as much as 2 pounds. Let’s hope that’s the case with this girl. They estimated that she was 6 lb 8 oz. She still has six weeks to cook! I’m glad I’m already set on a c-section. None of the news was great for a vaginal delivery, though things could certainly change.

I have to admit I have no clue what this baby is doing. I have no motherly intuition at all. I always sort of felt like I knew what Erik was doing, and how he was positioned. It wasn’t that hard since he was constantly on the move. I knew he was twirling around, which was proven when he was born with the cord all wrapped around him. I also knew he was vibrating all the time, and that was proven when he came out and would randomly shudder. He still does that when he pees sometimes. I was just glad he didn’t have epilepsy.

This baby just isn’t into moving much. Yes, I do feel her move, and I usually enjoy it (though I could have lived without the four am flip-flops last night), but it is nothing like with Erik.

I talked to my mom afterwards and she just makes me laugh. She has lots of opinions about everything, but none of them are grounded in reality. At least she tries, right? She was just going on and on about how angry she was when my oldest nephew was born because my sister refused her cervical checks. I’m with my sister! I’m planning on refusing all cervical checks unless the doctor gives me a very good reason to have one or I feel like I might be in labor. The checks don’t give meaningful information in many cases. You can be dilated for weeks or not dilated and have the baby 12 hours later. Not worth the pain!

My mom said my oldest nephew had thrush because my sister wouldn’t do the checks. What? That doesn’t even make sense. Silly mom.

Ok, totally different topic. Sitcoms! There are actually good sitcoms this year! I’ve missed brainless, happy, fluffy TV. I’m really enjoying Community, Cougar Town, Modern Family and The Middle. I don’t think I”ve followed a sitcom since Friends ended. I am also enjoying Arrested Development, but I guess that doesn’t count since it’s pretty old. I think I was in Sweden when it was airing.

I was so tired last night that I didn’t write an entry. I’m tired of hearing myself whine (or feeling my fingers type out a whine?) that I couldn’t get up the energy to whine even more. I just had ZERO energy yesterday.

We didn’t have any plans so I decided it would be a great day to go and buy Erik shorts, a few more summer shirts and his yearly Crocs. If I have no energy now, how am I going to have energy when the sun actually starts shining? Or when I have a baby on my hip? I’m all about the online shopping for everything, but clothes are a different story. I like to see the quality. I am not exactly sure what size shorts Erik needs, so I would also like to have him try on a few.

I sat in my chair all day long, just waiting for the energy to go to the mall.

It never came.

Instead, I ended up ordering him a full set of shorts at JCPennys. By full set, I mean 4 pairs in khaki, 4 pairs in navy, all the exact same short. I hope they fit and we like them! I’d really like to get him some button down camp shirts because he looks so handsome in them, but I could only find two at JCP. I guess it’s T-shirts for the win.

I was so unmotivated to do anything remotely constructive or mommy oriented that I gave Erik a spool of thread and let him go to town. He makes “monster traps” which are a total pain in the butt to clean up and make walking through the house next to impossible, but it keeps him busy and quiet for at least an hour. An hour of peace is well worth the clean-up time and the price of a spool of thread. Unfortunately this is the kid that LOVES to have things wrapped around his neck, so I have to keep a pretty close eye on him. Sure enough, he wrapped it around his throat as tight as he could manage. Crazy kid. I swear this neck-wrapping fetish comes from having the cord wrapped around his neck.

Despite the exhaustion I’m a lot calmer about everything. Erik wasn’t even able to get me to explode (much) today, despite trying his hardest. Now that I have a theory about his behavior I’m able to let it roll off my back, even when he is screaming bloody murder in the backseat of the car, thrashing around like a fish out of water.

Today it was the usual fight, only much more intense. Every single time I pick him up from school he wants a surprise. Does he ever get a surprise? Maybe once every two weeks. Every single day I tell him “You don’t get a surprise every day. Surprises are just some times treats.” Every. Single. Day.

He’s been in school six months. I have no idea where he got the idea that he should have a surprise at the end of the day but he won’t let it go. At first I thought it was kind of funny so would occasionally put a small piece of candy or something on his seat to find when we got to the car, but that is not something I want him to expect. It’s hard to balance. Surprises are fun! I want to be able to surprise him sometimes and give him a good afternoon, but I don’t want to spoil him. Such a hard life I lead, what with all my over-thinking of the parental dilemmas.

We had a guest speaker at our MOMS Club today talking about “How to Help Your Preschooler be More Independent.” I was really looking forward to it because I want an independent child.

I guess I already have a pretty independent child. If you recall a post a few weeks back when I explained the things I expected Erik to do, you’ll basically know the gist of the presentation. She did go in to great detail about how you should divide each task up in to steps, then model the steps for them. Really, all very basic stuff if you’ve taken as many child development classes as I’ve taken. I was hoping for a little more, but I’m glad to know I’m on the right track. I was also pleased when she said it was more important to teach your child to be independent than to really drill them on academics. Not that academics aren’t important, but independence will give them the self-confidence they need to accomplish academic goals. I know a few local people who need to hear that message.

In non-Erik news, I am a giant klutz. I finally started quilting a quilt! Problem: I used the wrong sized needle. I’ve been out of my sewing phase for so long that I forgot my machine (or at least my thread) hates needles with small thread holes. I’m sure if I was more educated in sewing machine use I would know what kind of thread to buy for each particular size of needle, but all I know is that when I use my standard thread I need a size 14 needle. I used a size 11 and all hell broke lose. The thread kept snapping every two seconds, the needle snapped in half and finally I sewed right through my finger tip. Special! My poor finger is very sore today.

On top of that, I have a burn on my belly. I was making Erik his pancakes, just like I do every morning. I suddenly noticed that my stomach was hot. Then it was REALLY hot. Then it was burning. I finally looked down. Duh. My big ol’ belly was resting on the frying pan. How’d it get way over there?

I have no idea where my body is these days. I assaulted a little girl at our meeting today. I turned around and totally smacked her in the face with The Belly. I’m getting huge. My maternity pants are starting to feel uncomfortable. They fit, but I can’t stand to have them press on my belly. I think I’m going to have to drag out the ugly, nasty, denim muumuus. I’ve never been a fashion plate, but I hate wearing such ugly clothes. Maternity shirts and pants are bad enough.

Bitch and moan. Moan and bitch. That’s all I’m capable of. How boring.

I did have a revelation today. Many of you have probably heard of the six month cycle theory for kid’s behavior. You’ve probably heard it from me, if not from various baby books/sites/whathaveyou. The theory goes that your kid will be well behaved for six months and totally insane for six months.

I buy the theory, but it doesn’t quite work that way with Erik. Usually the month before his birthday and his half-birthday he starts acting like a lunatic. It takes a few weeks, but then he figures out that no matter how hard he pushes I am still the mommy and he is still the boy and life is a lot easier when he complies.

Guess what? It’s about a month before his half birthday. He has utterly lost his mind. He even wet the bed today, which he hasn’t done in six months.

We went to the gym today, one of his very favorite things to do. He usually uses cubby #4, but it was already being used. He was pissed about it, so when the worker lady came over and tried to help him with is coat he was really rude to her. I can not abide a rude child. Can. Not. Abide.

I told him to tell her he was sorry and suggested that next time he say “No thank you, I don’t need any help.” This is nothing unusual in our lives. I often make him apologize if his behavior is not up to snuff and I always give him a script to say that would be better. Usually he does what I say and the problem is solved.

Today he flat our refused. He told me he was never going to speak to me again and to go away and was just being a total asshole. I made him stand in the corner while I unpacked my things and got ready to leave. He kept going on and on about how he didn’t like me and I should go away and blah blah blah. At one point I’d had enough and told him he could either tell the lady he was sorry or we were going home.

Guess what we had to do?

I marched his punky little ass out of there, while the workers looked on in some sort of horror. “It’s ok, it’s ok!” they kept telling me. But it’s not ok. I’m sure I could have handled it better, but no four year old is going to be rude to the adults and then get a free pass.

I was PISSED as you can well imagine. As I was marching him out of there, trying not to cry, guess who held the door open for me? Our pediatrician. I hope she didn’t think I was abusing him. He was screaming bloody murder, I looked fit to kill. It was not a scene I care to repeat.

He screamed in the car for about five minutes until he realized I was serious. Suddenly he had an epiphany and realized he wasn’t going to get to play at the gym. He calmed down and suggested we go back and he could apologize and be a good boy.

I was kicking myself for leaving because I wanted my break! Instead of getting rid of some aggression and gaining some endorphins, I was staring down an hour with a pissed off kid.

I decided I better take him up on his offer, so we turned around and ended up at the gym anyway. Thank goodness. I needed that. Except I had to cut it short because I was barely moving but my pulse shot up to 150 and wouldn’t go down according to the machine. I find the machine is usually fairly accurate. I’m not supposed to get my pulse above 130, so it kind of freaked me out. I was a little light headed, but nothing major.

Lunatic incident number 2 happened at after school. We went to Target to get a couple of things. I always make him hold my hand in the parking lot even though he hates it. We got up to the crosswalk, I said “hold my hand,” and he took off running. I was yelling at him, but he wouldn’t stop. I about had a heart attack. The lady on the sidewalk on the other side of the crosswalk just about had a heart attack. If we wouldn’t have been in a public place I probably could have beat the kid. No cars were coming, but that’s beside the point. He didn’t look at all and he didn’t listen and I certainly couldn’t chase him down in my state. I was having a hard enough time not peeing my pants since I hadn’t gone for 30 minutes.

I think I can be a little calmer about his behavior now that I realize it is a developmental phase and not just him acting out to be a little turd. I mean, of course I knew that, but I am not thinking very rationally these days. I get upset very easily and can’t handle unexpected problems very well. Six weeks to go until this baby is here! I keep thinking it will get better then, but then I remember how I was after Erik was born. More like three years to go! If I start acting crazy this time, I think I better talk to the doctor about some kind of drug. Prozac, anyone? I wouldn’t really want to get started on an anti-depressant because I hear it can be a major problem to come off them, but I don’t want to hate myself and everyone around me for 18 months. Of course, if it is like last time I won’t even recognize that I have a problem and will take a bite out of anyone who suggests I might. I’m so pleasant.

One thing will definitely be different. I have a social support group this time around. I think that will make a world of difference. Last time I didn’t have a single real life friend around and I was having major feelings of self-hatred for not having a big, fancy career. I am very content as a stay-at-home mom these days so I won’t have to fight the feeling that I am worthless because my work doesn’t provide income to the family. My work provides other advantages.

When Erik has having a fit about not going on the train yesterday, I became evil wife and told him that daddy would take him on the train today. “Daddy and you can ride the train to the zoo!” It didn’t help the temper tantrum at that time, but he has a great memory and was all prepared for his train ride today.

I don’t know how Mike felt about such a promise, but he should be happy. They were gone for five hours. I feel human again. If I didn’t get some much needed me time, I would have voluntarily committed myself to a mental institution. Then where would he be? Up a creek without a nanny.

It was glorious to sit around and not have a child on me. I didn’t have to bark orders. I didn’t have to fend off tongue. I didn’t have to constantly tell a kid “cover up that wiener,” I didn’t have to do anything for anybody but me for five whole hours. It was the height of luxury!

I watched an episode of Veronica Mars (I feel a full series re-watch coming on), read a couple of chapters, made some ugly breast pads that are supposed to be really absorbent, tried to quilt Elsa’s doll quilt, spent an hour picking out quilting, ate lunch. All in all, I lead a life of excitement. I really wanted to do something exciting, but the thought of standing on my feet for more than 10 minutes didn’t thrill me. It was a lovely, lovely day no matter how domestic and boring it sounds.

I feel bad that I have been having such negative feelings towards Erik. He is actually a very sweet kid. Who gets mad at their kid for being too loving? He’s always been a snuggle bug. It’s one of his strong points. The pregnancy hormones make me way too touchy. I am also lacking Vitamin D since our outside time has been severely curtailed.

Seriously, how can I be so mean to such a sweet face?

He’s chunking up again, which I love. He is so cute when he has those pink, chubby cheeks. It is a bit worrisome, though. He just shot up a few inches a few weeks ago. We just bought a new wardrobe! Most of the shirts are comically large on him, so maybe they’ll look a little more normal if he has another little growth spurt. Here I’ve been patting myself on the back for my parenting prowess in regards to his eating habits, but I think he’s just hungry.

If you recall, when he turned 4 I decided I was done being a short order cook. He could eat what we eat for dinner. Then, a couple of months ago, I decided I wasn’t giving him enough variety of fruits and vegetables so I bought some sectioned plates which force me to make sure he has at least four separate items on his plate. It was really frustrating at first because I would fill each slot and he wouldn’t even try any of the things he didn’t already like. Now he complains if I serve him on a regular plate instead of his special plates and he generally devours everything I give him. He still has to warm up to totally new foods, but he has a lot more variety in his diet and is eating a lot healthier.

In other very exciting news, it looks like I am going to get to meet one of the very first bloggers I ever read! Some of you may know SAJ. I’m almost giddy! I have been blogging since 2001. I can’t remember when or how we met, but I know she was one of my first non-friend readers. That’s a long time! You may actually get to see some pregnant pictures of me this time around since I know she’ll have a camera with her. Thus far Erik has been my only photographer and he doesn’t have a knack for capturing my best light. He somehow manages to get lots of boob shots. I think that’s his favorite part.

Speaking of the boy, he got quite a shock today. He had his head laying on my belly and the baby gave him a huge kick in the face. He’s felt her before, but nothing like that. The look on his face was priceless. I think she may have flipped this weekend. I have been feeling most of the activity way down low–very painful! But yesterday and today I’ve mostly been feeling kicks up around my ribs.

Here’s hoping for a much better week. I have hope! Mike is not supposed to be working until 8 pm every night and Erik has lunch bunch tomorrow (an extra hour of preschool). We have things lined up every single day, so that should make the time go faster. Let’s all do a sun dance and hope March comes in like a lamb and goes out like a lamb. Would that be expecting too much?

I hate Mike’s cousin. I’ve never met the man. Mike hasn’t seen him in 15 years. But still, I hate.

He’s in DC for a few days and wants to get together with Mike. Fine. Good. Dandy.

Mike tried to pin him down on a time, but he kept saying he would call this morning and arrange something. We are busy people, but we are certainly willing to make time for a long lost relative that Mike will probably not get a chance to see again.

So the guy was supposed to call this morning. We had already told Erik that he was going to get to go on a train ride with Daddy. I was going to get a glorious few hours alone.

The guy never called. Mike kept calling and calling and calling. By noon Erik was in a hunger meltdown. Why I didn’t feed him before, I don’t know. Stupid me.

We decided to go out to lunch, cousin guy be damned. Erik had the biggest temper tantrum ever about wanting to ride on the train. It finally ended when I had my own temper tantrum. We went to lunch and Erik wouldn’t even sit by Mike. He had to sit by me and cuddle the whole time. “But Mommy, I just love you and want to cuddle.” Sweet, but it drives me up the friggin wall to have a kid hanging on me while I’m trying to eat lunch.

Get home. No message. Nothing.

Now. NOW! The fucktard calls and wants to meet up with Mike. The reason they were going to do a lunch is because Erik has a swim class this afternoon. I have no problem with Erik skipping his swim class, but he already knew about it and refused to skip it. So now Mike is off to DC while I’m stuck with the kid all by myself AGAIN after a long week of overtime with him. He’s crawling on me right now, running his hands through my hair, whining “I just want you mommy” any time I try to move away from him.

I NEED A BREAK!

I don’t care what happens tomorrow. I’m leaving. I don’t know where I’m going, but I need to be alone. I wonder if any decent movies are playing.

If we would have known this idiot wasn’t going to call until so late we could have spent our morning at a car dealership. Time is ticking away. I want to go buy my van. I can barely get in and out of my car anymore. I think a van seat might be easier on my pregnant body since it sits up higher.

Did I mention that my hand is killing me? I hate being old! Isn’t 35 way too young for arthritis?

Bah! I was so looking forward to a weekend, and now it is just in shambles. I know lots of people have things a lot worse than this. I’m healthy, my family is healthy, I have plenty to eat and a roof over my head. But I don’t care! I’m still pissed. I think in retaliation I’m going to order some of the diapers I really want but that seem too expensive. Good Mama Ones, here I come.

I hate my cell phone. I never carry it. When I do somehow manage to get it in my purse, it stays there until it runs out of batteries and then it is useless. I mainly hate it because I never hear it ring. Plus, who am I going to call? I don’t even call people on my regular phone.

Then we have a day like today. Having a working cell would have really improved my life.

We started the day at a friend’s house for a MOMS Club board meeting. I had to be strong and refuse to take on the presidency even though people were telling me that “so and so did it with a newborn!” But did they do it well? No. Would I even want to put myself in that position? Hell no.

Erik was having a ton of fun with the host’s little girl and started crying when it was time to leave. The host was apparently happy to have him entertaining her daughter because she offered to keep him, then take him to open gym and feed him lunch. Awesome!

Sadly, we were both scattered and didn’t really plan the pick-up very well. I thought she was going to call or I could go over there at 2.

I didn’t hear from her, so I headed over there at 2.

They weren’t there, so I decided to wait. I was in the parking lot and thought I saw them pull into the back side where their garage would be. I waited a couple of minutes since I know it can take some time to unload two preschoolers and a baby, then went and started ringing the doorbell.

Have you guys heard about this nor’easter thing we’re having? No snow, but hella horrible winds.

About five minutes later the neighbor who had been around back doing something walked up and told me that he saw them pull in so he knew they were there.

I rang that damn doorbell for a half hour!

I was on the verge of knocking on the neighbor’s door and asking if he was SURE he’d seen them and if we should call 911. What if she fell in the garage and needed help?

About that time she pulled up from the other direction. Wha??

It turns out she had pulled into the garage, ran into the house to get my phone number, started calling me, drove to my house to drop Erik off, couldn’t find me, so drove home. The whole time I was standing on the porch ringing the doorbell.

Damn my refusal to be responsible and carry a charged cell phone. I get my free new one on March 6, so I won’t have any excuses after that.

Wasn’t it nice of her to take Erik for a few hours? Despite standing out in the wind for a half hour, my day was much better than I expected. I needed that Erik break. I feel bad feeling like I just want to be away from him. I love him. I love cuddling with him in the mornings. I love talking to him. But does he have to sit perched on my arm, sticking my hair in his ear, licking my face, ALL THE TIME? Can’t he play a game or something? Even when I get out a game and try to play with him he prefers to be on me. The clingier he gets the grouchier I get the clingier he gets.

Since I had some unexpected free time and my hair looked like a giant St. Bernard head, I dropped in at a salon that I always have high hopes for but never pans out. I need to suck it up and make real appointments like a real grown up.

Today, though, it seemed to work out for the best. The lady actually seemed to know what she was doing. She made suggestions about the style I picked, pointing out how certain things would make it better for my face and hair type. She noticed my two cow licks and admitted there was no fixing them–we just had to work with them (something I always try to tell them, but some of them refuse to listen). She even noted that one side of my hair likes to flip out and the other side likes to tuck in. Another thing we just have to work with.

She was super annoying in her endless chatter, but I think I got a pretty great hair cut. We’ll see how it looks tomorrow when I have to do it myself. I would post a picture, but remember that whole episode of standing out in hurricane like winds for 30 minutes? It did no favors for my hair.

The very first thing she told me was that her last client had a still born baby in October. Hello! You don’t tell that to a pregnant lady! She also told me all about her desire for a boyfriend, her hope that her son keeps a helmet on his soldier when with his new girlfriend, and several other things that had my head reeling. Then she had to go out to her car and get a new razor. So totally unprofessional, yet possibly the best haircut I’ve had in years. I saved her card and will go back if the cut holds up to my very amateur styling.

I am firmly in the Tuesdays suck camp started by Pigs. Today has sucked immensely.

It all started at about 4 am when I was startled out of a sound sleep by the smell of smoke. The roof was on fire! Only it wasn’t! It was all a horrible dream. I was wide awake and totally paranoid that our neighbors chimney was somehow going to set our house on fire (they use wood heat). I had to come up with all sorts of plans on how to get out of the house, even though we already have plans. I realized that if the roof was on fire, I would probably be able to go down the stairs instead of out the emergency ladder, so at least I would be able to grab some shoes, my laptop and my big ass picture of Erik.

Then I was thinking about how we would have to go knock on doors all down our row and how hard it would be to wake every one up.

I have serious problems at 4 am.

I never really went back to sleep after that, which does not set the mood for a wonderful day.

We met our MOMS Club at the local library playroom for an hour. Erik was in a really weird mood and I was so embarrassed. We have a new member with a 3 yo girl and a toddler boy. We’ve seen them a couple of times and I really like the lady. Her daughter has been pretty shy in the past and was shy once again today. Erik comes up to me and starts telling me he doesn’t want any new friends, he doesn’t like the girl, he’s not going to talk to her, on and on. So rude!

I was completely stymied.

I’m glad the lady didn’t really know us so she could have attributed the behavior to a normal shy kid kind of behavior. I guess maybe some kids are shy like that? I don’t know. I have no experience in that area since Erik usually walks up to everyone he meets and introduces himself, asks what their names are and announces they are new best friends.

Luckily they both warmed up and ended up playing together for almost the whole hour, but it was still embarrassing at first.

When we got home, Erik continued to be a little pill. He decided there was only one thing he wanted to do this afternoon: jump out my bedroom window and land in the snow. Who wouldn’t want to jump out the second story window and land in a large pile of fluff? Except the pile of fluff is now mainly a pile of rock hard ice and isn’t even all that deep any more. If he really wanted to try it, he should have done it right after the blizzard, not two weeks later. Not that I would have let him do it then, but at least probably wouldn’t have broken any bones.

I’m just very thankful that our windows are a real bitch to open. I really do not need to be worrying about my lunatic son jumping out the window.

I see a lot of posts on Facebook about the Olympics: “Who would ever think to strap poles to their feet and go flying down a mountain?” Or “Who would ever think to lay down on a scrap of wood and go down a sheet of ice?”

I don’t remember who all was making comments like those, but I know I’ve seen it several times. Obviously they are not mothers of boys. Boys are crazy. I know there are crazy daredevil girls too, but I don’t know anything about that. I just know my boy would love to strap himself to a piece of wood and try flying down an icy embankment.

I did manage to make up a couple of new games that kept him entertained for a little while. The first game was a particular stroke of genius. It’s called “Can you find what Mommy is thinking about?” It was only good for about five minutes, but what a glorious five minutes. I told him I was thinking about something upstairs and he just had to find it. Then I laid in bed and rested while he brought me all kinds of random stuff. He had to put away each “loser” item before trying the next item. He thought it was great fun, though he did grow bored after about five minutes. I’ll take what I can get. He’s been so clingy and needy lately that any five minutes that he’s not on me petting my hair and trying to lick my face is five minutes of happiness.

The other game was actually a lot more interesting to him. He LOVES maps. We draw maps. We talk about maps. When we drive I always have to narrate what street we are on, which lane we’re in and what direction we are going to turn. He has never shown much interest in his Magnadoodle, but he found a little magnet today and was trying to figure out what was metal. There wasn’t much in the basement, but I spied the Magnadoodle and showed him how he could use the little magnet to draw. The little magnet was the perfect size to draw a map–various roads and places. Then he was able to take the pen and use it to draw his route to different places. He spent a good 45 minutes working on his maps and routes and talking to the people inside the Magnadoodle about where they were going. I’m glad to finally get some use out of that thing since he’s not into regular drawing.

I guess none of that sounds so bad, but did I mention the clinging and the defiance? I found myself yelling at him way too much today, finally ending with at “DO YOU LIKE TO BE YELLED AT????” The answer, of course, was yes. “It’s funny.” I guess it must be since the only way I can get him to move his ass and find his clothes, shoes and socks is to scream. I hate screaming. There has to be a better way. I sometimes count, but that doesn’t work so well because then he gets put in time out and that defeats the purpose. I want him to get dressed so we can leave the house. TIme out is just another time suck.

And yes, we do get dressed first thing in the morning. It’s just that by the time we leave the house an hour or two later all his clothes are off and scattered around the house. I am constantly on him to put his clothes on and he does, but as soon as I leave the room they are off again.

Can I duct tape his clothes on him?

At least we had his gym class this afternoon. We both needed to get out of here.

I went to the gym on Friday and actually felt a lot better after some time on the elliptical. I decided that the way it stretched my legs was actually good for my ligaments, so was looking forward to tonight.

Guess I was wrong.

It just kept getting more and more painful and finally at the 13 minute mark I had to give up because the pain was so intense. Bah! I need cardio!

I spent the rest of the time doing some machines for my arms and back. At least that’s something, but I am not happy to give up cardio already. I have seven weeks to go, then six weeks of recovery. Thirteen weeks! No! I am getting flabbier and flabbier every day! I know that is totally normal and to be expected since I’m pregnant. That’s what happens to pregnant ladies.

I am mainly just thinking about how hard it is to pack around a newborn all day, every day. I remember how badly my back hurt with Erik and am hoping to retain some sort of back muscle endurance so I’m not in so much pain when I have to pack this baby around.

I’m also thinking about my poor ass. I swear I’m carrying triplets. I have one in the tummy and one in each ass cheek. I’ve never had a big butt, but all those BodyPump squats pumped it up. Now the muscle is sagging, leaving me with a mess. I’m just not used to having a problem with that part of my body since I’m a classic apple shape.

*Note: Kisha she is one of your people–a couponer.